connection when meeting people

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Vodkha
Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
in Chit-Chat
How important to you is having a connection to someone when dating and entering into a relationship? I am the type of person who is very quiet and I don't let myself be my true self around someone until I know I can trust them and after hanging out with them for awhile. I think this puts guys off, because they get the wrong impression about who I am as a person.

I recently met someone who said that he didn't feel an instant connection with me, but that he is willing to continue hanging out to see where it goes. I personally do not think you can get to know someone in a few hours, and for me, I get more connected to someone after spending more time with them and even after becoming physical.

Is anyone else like this? Do you feel a connection is only instant, or do you think it can come with time?

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  • NyxDominique
    NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
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    I have to say that my past 3 relationship which have last 2 years+; one of which I was enganged where all instant connections.

    Not in the lets start making out sort of connections. In fact two of them had girlfriends when first met them, but I knew that if given the chance I would want to be with them.

    I felt confortable, safe, and they were fun. You just know they are good people that you could spend time with.

    My current boyfriend we met at the park and just talked for 6 hours on a park bench laughing and joking. It was just a connection. No akward silence. No weirdness. No one trying to "make a move" we were looking for someone to spend time with. Not for someone to sleep with.

    You will find someone just keep looking. Good luck ^.^

    To answer your question though. I don't think you can force the conenction. If it isn't there to start with. I don't think you make it happen just because you give it time. Some people just don't have chemisty. Just because you are lonely or someone else is lonely just doesn't mean it will suddenly feel right. Yet, that is only my opinion
  • PBJunky
    PBJunky Posts: 737 Member
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    For me it is quite important, don't like spending those awkward moments with people that you feel you have nothing in common with.
  • MissMizzy
    MissMizzy Posts: 31
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    My boyfriend and I have been exclusive/pretty serious since our first date. We met, and that was it for both of us. We had this great connection, right away! It was startling, but we've been dating a while now, and things are even more amazing. To contrast that, however, the last relationship I was in was with a guy who I had been kind of friends with in high school, then we started hanging out a lot, then every day, then we started getting kinda physical, then we started officially dating. I had ZERO interest in dating him at first, but we ended up being crazy about each other. It really depends on the person, I think you should give it a shot if you're into this guy :) Give him a chance to see how awesome you are!
  • spiritcrusher
    spiritcrusher Posts: 326 Member
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    Lust comes in an instant.

    Connection always comes with time.
  • Pinkmaddycat
    Pinkmaddycat Posts: 175 Member
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    I think i would sum up for me 'animal attraction'

    my history is that i get drawn to people in an instant......i have no choice in the matter, mother nature seems to do the work.........
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Ill hang out with him and see how it goes as we get more comfortable with each other. Im in no rush and Id rather build a friendship first and if a relationship comes from that, great!
  • chantell7
    chantell7 Posts: 167 Member
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    Thinks its important on all levels. Especially sexual lmao
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    From my experience, if you want a long term relationship...a connection is necessary.

    If you want a short term relationship, and YOU feel a connection (but they dont), then I guess it is fine too though.

    Honestly, it does not sound like this guy is that into you...like he cant find better right now, so he'll settle...

    I would just stay friends...

    My ex and I were together 3 years...I never felt that *spark* with him, although we grew to love each other...
    The issue for me was without that real connection, I realized I did not want to spend the rest of my life with him...

    Obviously we are all different, but this is simply my opinion ^^
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    I dont know, he has said an instant connection isnt necessary for him either. From the story he has told me of his past, he doesnt sound like someone who is just with someone 'because' (32 and has only had 2 girlfriends and has only slept with those 2 girls) i guess i just have to trust that if he didnt want to hang out then he wouldnt. I have come to realize that with guys, actions are what you have to look at," not words, so we will see.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    I've had it play out both ways... and for me the one that lasted was the instant connection. I had a couple of guys I started off as friends with that moved over into the romance catagory. Not saying that long term can't come from that, but my husband the sparks flew when I first met him. I'm usually a pretty reserve person, but he brought out my flirty side. I just couldn't stop myself.. thankfully, he felt the same way and we've been together ever since.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Consensus is instant connection. Ill see how it goes...but having another friend never hurts :) thanks all.
  • oneIT
    oneIT Posts: 388 Member
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    Coming out of a 12 year relationship i would never jump into another unless they were a real friend first. I don't think you will ever get to know someone truly unless you have been a real friend first. Maybe I am just completly screwed up in the head now though.
  • silvergurl518
    silvergurl518 Posts: 4,123 Member
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    i want to agree with @oneIT but for me, i just have to feel a connection right away. and i feel like i know when it's mutual....but then again, who am, dr. laura? :)
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    Coming out of a 12 year relationship i would never jump into another unless they were a real friend first. I don't think you will ever get to know someone truly unless you have been a real friend first. Maybe I am just completly screwed up in the head now though.

    Not crazy at all.. you just ended a relationship that last longer than a lot of marriages that I know of. It takes time to heal and move on, and it gives you perspective on what's really important to you. You know that if you can't be friends and get along with someone, that once the lust and instant attraction goes away, you don't have much left.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I think you have to have the PROMISE of a connection. That when you meet someone, you think, "hmm, I would like to get to know them better."
  • ummlovelovesyou
    ummlovelovesyou Posts: 1,024 Member
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    Lust comes in an instant.

    Connection always comes with time.

    Well said, my friend.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    A connection physically/mentally/emotionally is absolutely necessary but doesn't need to be "instant". That's more like lust.

    After my 1st date with my husband I was like "eh we"ll see...." I wasn't instantly connected or blown away, but many dates and months later I was head over heels - still am in all aspects.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
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    Lust comes in an instant.

    Connection always comes with time.

    Well said, my friend.


    That is so true! Have to say I Fell for my other half within minutes of seeing/meeting him...knew I'd end up with him. We've always had a bond/connection but 14 years later I'm still working on some of those connections. Physically it's been a great connection from day one. What can I say Scorpio and Aries are great together. ;-)

    In general, I can usually tell if I'll get on with someone within a short time of meeting them. Personality counts for a lot.
  • xtinalovexo
    xtinalovexo Posts: 1,376 Member
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    I am the type of person that if it's not there at first, it may not ever arrive... if it does arrive it may not last because it wasn't instantaneous! I know within a short time of meeting someone how I feel about them and as long as they don't drastically change, my feelings will stay intact.
  • katherines2230
    katherines2230 Posts: 276 Member
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    Oh, I most definitely agree with you. I'm not necessarily quiet and shy initially but I'm not my true self until I get a feel for that person. I have a crazy sense of humor and am very sarcastic at times but everyone can't handle that. But usually I can tell right away if the person is someone I want to get to know better.

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