Confessions of a grieving mother

Hello all,
So I just wanted to come upfront and confess yesterday, as today I am feeling like I have a hang-over as if I was out all night drinking lol (BTW I don't really know how that feels, as I have never been drunk lol).

Yesterday was a really difficult day for me. Not only was it the 8 month anniversary of the day my son died (he was only 20 days old) or the fact that it was a beautiful Wednesday (weather temp etc, felt exactly the same as the day he died) but I also got the news that a girl that I used to babysit is now pregnant herself. I got super depressed and immediately started feeling sorry for myself and starting wondering, why bother?

During the day I was doing pretty good as far as eating, for the most part. At lunch I ate a salad, and though I felt like eating every piece of candy I could see, I only ate one candy bar, and it was Dark chocolate, so to my thinking, it wasn't that bad. Even when I got home from work (in tears) I didn't eat a thing, but my hubby and I got ready for church and left, thinking we could eat dinner when we got home. Well, I was excited about church because we had a visiting Pastor'Apostle'Prophet and last time he came I was pregnant, so I was hoping he would have some divine word from God for me and I could finally be at peace, and be healed of my broken heart. Well, he called a lot of people up, had words for many of them, but not me. I was very disappointed. I even spoke to his wife afterwards, and while she had some things to say to me about my loss, it wasn't what I expected/wanted. Thinking about it this morning I realize that it wasn't what GOD wanted, and he has other plans for me as far as my healing process, but in my state of mind last night, I just got angry.

Well, when we finally got home from church last night around 1130 ( we STILL hadn't had dinner) I was in quite the mood. I was not only depressed still, but disappointed, angry and I even started lashing out at my husband for something he did, BEFORE we even met! So when I got to the kitchen, I just didn't care anymore. I ate everything in sight, including several brownies that I had baked for my husband the day before. I just kept putting things in my mouth, they made me feel better!

This morning, I regret my actions, but I am thankful, because the Lord's mercies are new every morning! I am still not in the best of moods, but I am going to get myself back up, dust myself off and move on. Life is about these roller coasters, and if I let one steep drop get me down for good, what good am I to anybody else, or to God? So these are my confessions to you this morning, and also, I confess I cannot do this alone. God gives me the strength, but so does the support of all my MFP friends, thanks everyone for all of the encouragement you have given me the last few moths, and thank you in advance for continuing to do so.