Why can't my family understand?

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  • Marla64
    Marla64 Posts: 23,120 Member
    *whispers* But when all else fails, go with the "stick it." :devil: :bigsmile:

    gifted, marla, gifted. thanks for my daily chuckles!

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I aims to please-- :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • jdp21
    jdp21 Posts: 155 Member
    Sometimes families don't quite get it, ESPECIALLY parents. They're the worst for it! Haha. And even worse, they often don't know how to voice their concerns without insulting you. For example, my mom about a year ago told me when I came home to visit for Easter that I "looked disgusting" and had gained too much weight, and then everytime since then that I had come home, my parents would bring up my weight. Tell me the same things over and over again. It got pretty emotional and heated, but I now know that they weren't saying what they were saying to hurt my feelings; it was just their twisted although sincere efforts to get me to start getting healthier.

    But yeah, as others have said, sometimes you just have to tell 'em to shove it. :-P Lord knows I've done it enough. Haha.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    has anyone considered that Mom might have a valid point?
    there is alot of talk on this site of us having incorrect body images

    maybe Mom knows best?
  • hiddensecant
    hiddensecant Posts: 2,446 Member
    Print out your foods for the day and show it to her. If you're doing this the healthy way by eating all your maintenance calories and exercise calories, you should be eating more than anyone else in your family.

    EDIT: and if you're not .. then your mom is right.
  • keiko
    keiko Posts: 2,919 Member
    You know, I'm sure most of her concern stems from the difficulties you've been going through. I'm sure her real concern is how you are handleing the divorce and all the stuff that goes along with that. It's just easier for her to bring up something she can see - and she probably doesn't want to touch that subject. So maybe, next time she asks just let her know that you are taking care of yourself and you are handling the separation/divorce thing and that you appreciate her concern and love her very much.

    My old boss used to complain about his mom always griping about something - if he was eating or something like that. Was the same thing everytime he saw her. One day she was pushing something on him and he had the brilliant idea to just look at her and say "I love you too Mom. Thank you for your concern." Sincerely - not sarcastically, and gave her a big hug. She had tears in her eyes and really backed off on bugging him about what he was eating. Sometimes moms of grown ups don't express love very well. Maybe she is just trying to tell you she loves you and is concerned for you. Just a thought anyway! :flowerforyou:

    I was just going to say the same thing about her being concerned over what you are going through. She just cares that's all. Sometimes it is hard for mothers to let go of the control they have over us (That's why I live 2 1/2 hours away from mine). Feel happy she cares, some day she won't be around to push at you and you will miss that.

    I used to live 6 hours away. That was too far. Now I'm an hour away. Too close. 2.5 sounds just right... haha

    I live 2.5 hrs away and it's been great! I can drive up for a weekend to visit. Or if I need to get up there it's not to far. She's been sick recently so I've been going up more.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    Hi there :)

    I'm new to the board (as of today!) and was perusing the other posts and stumbled across yours. Your nickname caught my eye - this verse was my mantra when my husband was deployed to Iraq for 14 months.

    In reading your post, it occurred to me that maybe you should remind your family of exactly what the verse says! In part, as you know, it says..."Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts..." Maybe they need to remember that they love you, so they need to trust that what you're doing is not only keeping you healthy, but makes you happy, and that they should rejoice in that truth. Sometimes our family members can be our own worst critics (other than ourselves at times!) and sometimes they need not-so-gentle reminders that ultimately it's your life and you're doing what you know is best for you. I think if you backed it up with lab work or something from your doctor, it might be the hammer that would hit the nail on the head, so to speak, and drive your point home - that you're just FINE! Congrats on all you've accomplished, on your strength and perseverance, and staying the course through the tough times! :bigsmile:

    Wow, you know what? you are absolutely right! That is something my mom can understand. Hopefully. Thank you.

    And I'm glad this chapter of the Bible helped while your husband was in Iraq. I have it as a reminder of what I didn't really have with my husband but what I will find one day.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    has anyone considered that Mom might have a valid point?
    there is alot of talk on this site of us having incorrect body images

    maybe Mom knows best?

    Do I look scary thin? I have a healthy BMI, and I would have to lose another 10 pounds to be at the very bottom of what is healthy for my height and small frame.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member

    EDIT: and if you're not .. then your mom is right.

    I get what your saying, and tomorrow, that will be true. But the rest of the weekend that i'm spending with my family, I will not have time for working out, and they do not eat as healthy as I do, especially when we're all together. It'll be yummy bad for you stuff. My mom always makes stuff like that when we all get together - which is great, but I then can't eat a lot of it. Like her lasagna or egg rolls or speghetti. She is a wonderful cook and on a daily basis cooks fairly healthy. But when her chick-a-dees are all together, she cooks the good (bad) stuff. :) I do indulge...as I mentioned the brownies I had on my birthday...but I do not indulge every day of the weekend I'm spending with her or at every meal.

    Actually, now my sister gave me a hard time because I mentioned going running on Friday. We're all taking a 8-9 hour road trip to see my baby sister graduate (she's also an adorable little wife and pregnant!!! Can't wait to see her!!!). Friday night my dad and stepmom are taking my sister and her husband to dinner, and I want to run that night. My sister was like "you're going to be with family!" and my response was 1 - I'll be with my mom and rest of the family all night Thursday and 2 - i see them often. I will skip my workout Saturday b/c I'll be with my sister, whom I do not see often, all day. And Sunday, I might not have time. It depends on what time I get home (I do have to be at work on Monday). Soo....frustrating.
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