A Small Family

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LuciaLongIsland
LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all:

As the holidays approach , many people are so busy, between decorations, gifts , family events and so on. I am not in that position as my family is very small. I have 2 sons, one of which lives quite a distance, (not able to see) and one who I will see a few weeks before Christmas, not not on Christmas. ( another long story) My Mother passed a few years ago, which still hurts. She, like me, was an only child. My father died over 20 years ago, and my parents rarely visited with his family, so again not possible.

Please i am not trying to sadden anyone.


I wanted to see if anyone else had this issue, I only want input from those who have this issue. I am not interested in advice as I have gotten plenty, and it is easy to give.

I am just curious to know if I am the only one. I am older, and NEVER thought I would be in this position.

Replies

  • Katbaran
    Katbaran Posts: 605 Member
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    I have a small family too. Hubby and I have one son, who is married and lives out west. My parents are still with us but they don't do holiday dinners. My sister and BIL live in town, no kids, but they mostly do holidays with his family. We usually get together with friends and friends of friends and form an odd little group of strays. Our one friend, that we all have in common will make the roast, ham or turkey and the rest is potluck that we all bring. There hasn't been a bad holiday yet with this group.

    Another experience I've had is that when hubby was away with the military and the kid and I lived in a place far from relatives, we went with a woman I worked with to feed some homeless folks who lived under a bridge. It was a heartwarming experience that even our son, who was 7 at the time, never has forgotten.

    It can be really difficult to be alone for Christmas, but keep in mind, it is what you make it. Get creative. You won't regret it. Sorry, I couldn't help saying that at the end-- I know you didn't want advice.
  • 70kilo
    70kilo Posts: 34
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    Hi, I have a small family also; my son. And as I'm divorced, he stays half of the time with his dad. During the year I'm fine with everything, but during this season sometimes it is difficult. Monday we have a day called Sinterklaasfeest, it's a familyday were we give each other presents. (like Christmas). We celebrate it, with just the two of us. I always feel a little sad inside, because I don't have friends or family to celebrate it together.
    This Christmas, we're going skiing/snowboarding, because I love it, but truthfully, also to be not at home. Glad when it will be Januari.
    :flowerforyou:
  • hkulbacki
    hkulbacki Posts: 187 Member
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    I am normally in the same boat at the holidays throughout the year (this year's a bit different, my son is coming to visit). The rest of my family is far enough away that travel time and vacation time off work don't always work out together.

    The part I find the hardest is cooking. Especially the traditional thanksgiving and christmas foods. How do you make just a few slices of banana or zucchini bread? LOL I don't need an entire loaf, but I'd like a little. Sure I could make muffins, have a couple and take the rest to work or something, but it just doesn't seem the same. And honestly there's always people at work trying to loose weight and wishing others wouldn't bring in all the yummy stuff :)
    Even things like the green bean casserole, are you going to use a partial can of the green beans and soup then try to figure out what to do with the rest or are you going to have leftovers that drag on even longer than they do with even 2 or 3 people? This year for Thanksgiving I found a fabulous buffet that had all my favorites and I didn't have to deal with any leftovers :) Although I do feel bad for the people who feel bad for me because I'm eating alone LOL I'm perfectly content with my magazines and my dinner, I don't need to join your group... and I don't need to be hooked up with your single friend! LOL Unfortunately, that last aspect might make me think twice about going out to a buffet next year.

    I'm pretty OK with the rest of the rest of the holiday-by-myself aspects, I know the things I enjoy doing by myself and I figure a way to work them in (they are mostly outside and the cold temps here now can be an issue).
    Hope you find some things to enjoy a bit of peaceful alone time.
  • k9hrd
    k9hrd Posts: 351 Member
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    Thank you for posting this! Me too. My mother lives far away and has not contacted me in years. My my sons are here but usually busy with wives families or girlfriends. My grandaughters have to split the holidays between mom's house and dad's. I get in what time I can with them during the holiday's. Usually food is not included. My companies don't have party's. I really have no excuse to not stay on the wagon, except the usual stress of the holidays.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Before I married in my mid-30's, I had a few years when it was just me and my mother. At the time, this felt very lonely, but now that my mother is gone, I think how lucky I was to have her. One Thanksgiving, I was in the midst of a 'fitness year' where I was used to taking long hikes on the weekends. Well, Thanksgiving Day, I booted up for a nice long walk. Then I had a quiet evening with my mother, drinking tea and relaxing. If I ever found myself alone for the holidays, I think I would plan something like this. I don't know why Meetup Groups don't think of this. It would be an invigorating way to spend the day, and enjoy some like company.
  • TheLongRunner
    TheLongRunner Posts: 688 Member
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    I can completely relate to your post. I am single with no children. My mom passed away last year and since she has been gone, we have not had any kind of family get-together around the holidays. We did have a memorial meal a year after the day she passed away...but other than that, we did not have any kind of Thanksgiving. The idea of Christmas depresses me because that was always the holiday she was focused upon. My sisters have their own things going on and are not around. My dad is not that into holidays or celebrations. So yeah, I am feeling your pain. Feel free to add me!
  • Moonbyebye
    Moonbyebye Posts: 180 Member
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    My mom is a single mom. My dad died 2 years ago Christmas Eve, but I was never close with him or that side of the family. It was always just me, my 2 siblings (older brother and sister) and my amazing mom. My mom was the youngest of 8 kids, but they were a dysfunctional family that was never close. Her mother died when she was 18 and she didn't have a father present in her life either, so she had no choice but to work long hours while juggling college to get by. She has a good job as a nurse but we still struggle financially at times. My sister spends her holidays with her boyfriend and my brother is away at college where he just informed my mother he would be spending there with his friends in his new apartment because of his job, school work and stuff. I feel so badly for my mother as her life hasn't been the easiest and I know how badly she'd like to have us all here on Christmas as she has always said "I just want you to all be close because me and my siblings never were. I want you to always have each other". It will be and my mother this Christmas and I do intend to make it a good one with her. Feel free to add me as I do share similar feelings/pain. *hugs for you*
  • LethaSue
    LethaSue Posts: 285 Member
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    It somehow feels like my family is getting smaller and smaller. MY mom passed a few years ago, my day passed almost 18 years ago. My sister and I even though we live in the same town no longer speak to each other after a big fight. I have 2 daughters and both are married and 3 grandkids between the 2,and even thought they live here now, they are all planning to move over 30 hours away as soon as the school year is over. . I am married with 1 step son in town. Until last year when I had surgery on an achillies tendon, I worked. And working in food service as a deli manager, I worked weekends and holidays. And working so hard up to the holiday and including part of the holiday, took all the joy of being able to enjoy or plan anything much with the family. I am getting to enjoy the grandkids some now that I am disabled. And will be totally devestated when move away. My dad passed on January the 2nd, after being sick and hospitalized since thanksgiving in 93. He had a staf infection that went to his brain. It took them 6 weeks to figure that out and by that time he was in a coma. It was the most resistant form of staf. Somehow even after all these years, seeing all the bright lights and christmas decoration, brings back the horror of him losing his mind and dying in the hospital. He would hate knowing that. It's not anything I dwell on, its just seeing the lights and the christmas things, just trigger that feeling in me now.
    I have held a beleif in my head for as long as I can remember (I don't know where it came from) that when there are more people in (heaven) that you love, than people here on earth that is when your time is up and you move to the other side.
    My husband and I do have a very large dog family, that love and depend on us.
    I didn't mean for this to be a gloomy post. But it is sad to see your family shrink as we get older. Something that just crosses our minds more often and saddens and puts fear in our lives when we stop to reflect.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    So true, LethaSue. I think of my mother's final years. She was one of two last survivors of huge family--must have felt like being the last dinosaur. Still, I think she wanted to stay with us as long as possible even though all the key players were up in heaven. So, I'm not sure anything can predict 'your time.'
  • AuntSissy152
    AuntSissy152 Posts: 27 Member
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    No advice from me. Just another post to let you know you are not alone. My father died suddenly at home last year and my mum passed just six weeks later. Needless to say last Thanksgiving and Christmas were anything but happy and I didn't spend much time with friends or family. I actually preferred being alone. Sometimes you can have people around you and still feel very lonely.

    I do have two brothers and a sister. My husband has dementia that is getting worse. At this time in my life, the holidays just aren't really important anymore- just another day. (Christmas is really for the little ones). I just try to do what makes me happy. I love Christmas lights so I put lights at every window in my house and it looks beautiful.

    Right now my husband, in his bedroom slippers and no coat is insisting on going out to the car (we're not going anywhere). Have to go try and talk him into coming back into the house. Got to run.
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    Thank you so much for posting. You have really helped me, saying many things I have often thought myself, but also thought I was crazy having these thoughts.

    I give you credit for taking care of your husband, as it must be so difficult.

    Thanks again.

    Lucia

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