Special Challenge for Babies loss to miscarriage and Born sl

:sad: I'm so sorry for your loss. Nothing can make up for a the loss of a child. But I wanted to say you are a strong woman, you my inspiration and I tell everyone about your hard work. Have a blessed day and I will be attempting the challenge, i don't think I'll be able to knock out double calories but I'll give it a try.
Melanie

Hi Rachel

After having my twin daughters and already having a nearly 3 yr old daughter my husband and I decided that we were done having kids (he has two older sons from another relationship so he was sure he was done!) so he had a vasectomy, when the twins were 4 months old and 1 month after my husbands op, I found out I was pregnant, I was devastated, we weren't in a financial or emotional position to be parents again.
Both of my pregancies had been easy, the odd bit of morning sickness and discomfort with the twins of course but nothing major and getting pregnant was never a problem clearly! So I guess I took the whole thing for granted.
Everything was going along fine and by 4 months I still hadn't told anyone apart from the closest family that I was pregnant again (I was embarrased) But I was getting excited about this new life, I'd had an early scan to check that it was just one! and everything was good, had regular checks with my midwife but I noticed a gland on the back of my head had popped up and was sore, I felt a bit off, nothing I could put my finger on but I went to the dr and was told not to worry, a couple of weeks later the gland was still up and I still didn't feel right, I went back to the dr (saw a different dr this time) he had me tested for glandular fever, it came back clear.
At 20 weeks on February 11th 2001 about midnight I woke up with a cramp, I went to the toilet as I thought I had an upset stomach, nope nothing, I went and layed on the couch but the pain got worse, I suddenly knew something was very wrong, I got up and headed for our bedroom to wake my husband to say I needed to go to the hospital (which was right over the road from us) as I got to the door I felt it, a rush of fluid, looking down I saw blood, I screamed for my husband who came racing out I headed for the toilet, just an instinct thing I guess, he was on the phone to the ambulance when the baby was born I looked down and there it was a perfect little baby, I didn't know what to do, did I grab it and cut the cord, try CPR, what do I do?! I was hysterical, but this little angel was sleeping peacefully. The rest was a blur the ambulance arrived, they wrapped the baby still attached to me in a towel and placed it on my belly as I lay on the guerny, I don't remember much of the trip to hospital or the ER except nurses clucking around me with their sympathetic voices and the ache I felt in my soul.
I was taken to the maternity ward, where the baby was finally seperated from me, I was given drugs to induce the placenta, I was weak from bloodloss and the delivery took ages.
A few hours later a nurse bought my baby back, in a tiny little dress that looked like a barbie gown, it was a boy. My heart broke and I cried for hours.
I could hear newborns crying around me which only made it worse. My mother got a gift box for me to place him in to take home for burial, I had been given a little teddy with it's a boy on it as part of the grief pack but I couldn't stand to look at it and placed it in the box with him.
When they let me leave that night I was glad to get out of there, and I went home to my babies who still needed me, that I was grateful for, I can not imagine the pain of going home to an empty house. We had a little family ceremony at my family home and planted a tree (which later died and was replaced with an angel statue). I didn't realise how badly I wanted this little boy in my life or indeed how precious the gift of life was until it was gone.
I was told later by an american DR that I had contracted Toxoplasmosis "I can't tell you anything about that we don't get that in the states" was his only comment. I just couldn't understand I hadn't done anything differently to my other pregnancies, it took a long time for the grief to ease, to think about him without tears and to understand the higher purpose of his short life.
I regret not placing a notice in the paper to acknowledge his life and I regret not having photos of him but Archie Quinn did exist and lives on, he taught me many things and for that I am eternally thankful.

Thanks Bonnt, I figured he just couldn't really be bothered dealing with me, funny thing was we didn't even have cats and I had more contact with cats in my previous two pregnancies.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I have never miscarried, and I can only imagine the pain you go through.

I have a son (nearly age 4) with multiple medical issues and a prognosis of a shortened lifespan, and I will be participating in this challenge in honor of him. I will be NOWHERE near your burn, but I pledge to double the workout (or more than double) I did last Tuesday.

Thinking of you,
Jackie