From Funny Fat Girl, To Skinny F'N Bi$%h

RisyaLifsheTova
RisyaLifsheTova Posts: 305 Member
edited October 6 in Chit-Chat
Okay, Now I know I am not alone. I have recently had this discussion with a friend of mine that had lost an immense amount of weight in the past. Currently I have gone down 103.6lbs since February.

So I was notcing that my friends are changing, but then had to take a step back and ask myself if it was ME who was changing?

My question to all of you, and pardon my language, hope I don't offend anyone. But does it seem like when you were more over weight also known as "THE FUNNY FAT GIRL!" That now since losing a large amount of weight. That the things you said while being fat were taken as a joke, and now if you were to say the same thing you get the stink eye?

I had a really good friend (so I thought) take me out of his life completly because he says ive just became more rude since Ive lost all my weight. The odd thing is, I personally feel as though I am the same person I have always been.

But what I am also noticing is that I stick up for myself now and I dont let people walk all over me like I notcied recently I have in the past. So have I changed? Or have my friends changed?

I could really use some support on this one!

This is a sucky feeling to lose a best friend, but maybe he wasn't a friend to begin with. The hard part is he is now my manager at work, and has made it uncomfortable to work with. Not to mention when I kindly approched him and asked if he was just not acknowledge me at all he got in a tissy and said WE ARE NOT FRIENDS! I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU!...then posted it on his facebook status that other co-workers told me about since he deleted me. Saying "Ha Ha, I told you I wasn't your friend anymore." Something along those lines....Childish, and this makes me re-think that if he were to ever want my friendship back.
Im not quiet sure I would want his after all this.

Replies

  • hazelnut861
    hazelnut861 Posts: 390 Member
    People do change and so what if you feel differently about things now. You're still you and if you're being respectduthen I don't see a problem. I've lost 30lbs and I notice how differently people treat me too. Usually I get more rudeness from women but that's okay, I'll take that any day to how I felt about myself before
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    Wow, ouch... to the so-called friend. I've never before ever had to lose any weight, so I don't know how to respond to that, but I can tell you that there are definitely things I could not/would not ever say that I have seen others who were twice my size has everyone else doubling over in laughter over... So, when you said you are finding that you are more defensive, I can get that. You are not used to having to be censored. Either way, congrats on your hard earned success!!
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
    yeah that "friend" of yours (or now ex-friend) is being really childish! so what if you've lost weight and now stick up for yourself! you are doing something for your health and confidence. who says you can't be the skinny funny girl either? of course people look at me differently now but it could be because they have never seen me more open with people and not as easily walked over as i used to be. or it could be that i've become slightly more attractive? whatever the case...keep doing what you are doing! great loss! more power to ya!
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    First of all, congrats! Secondly weight aside your friend is a jerk. If you did change and he didn't want to be friends? Fine. However the facebook bashing and high school behavior speek volumes to his character. Your life will be better without him. As for peoples attitudes towards fat people that lose weight I can't really comment, however my female coworkers and associates were definitely nicer and less judgmental when I was 155lbs as opposed to 130lbs.
  • gunmetalsunrise
    gunmetalsunrise Posts: 131
    Even if your attitude did change (which I highly doubt it didn't change for the worse, but rather for the better. Good on you for not letting people use you or walk all over you! :) )... do you really want a person who acts like that as your friend? There are people I no longer even want to hear about because when they finally showed their true colours, I realized I was better off in the long run without them.
  • chyloet
    chyloet Posts: 196 Member
    I'd have to say that there is no general rule on this one. I have two coworkers who have lost over 100 lbs ... one of them is just as sweet (if not more so because she is so much happier with her life) as ever and the other is the biggest ***** (and she used to be nice).

    That's just my own personal experience.
  • krist3ng
    krist3ng Posts: 259 Member
    um, if it's making an awkward work environment, TELL H.R. That kind of bullying should not go unreported.

    Secondly, I think people DO change when they lose weight and are happier about it. More confident, especially. Maybe he found your new confidence off-putting.
  • pumpkinmoccasins
    pumpkinmoccasins Posts: 24
    um, if it's making an awkward work environment, TELL H.R. That kind of bullying should not go unreported.

    WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE.

    Also, people definitely treat people differently based on whether they're overweight or not. I think it's usually an unconscious thing, but perhaps people that weren't good friend material in the first place are just showing their true colors now that you refuse to be the butt of a joke, etc. Now, I don't know you personally so I couldn't say for sure, but I find it hard to believe that your personality would change THAT much to start losing friends. Confidence is a wonderful thing, you just need to find new friends that appreciate yours and that aren't threatened by it :)
  • Teliooo
    Teliooo Posts: 725 Member
    Man, what idiots. First of, your boss should NOT be able to talk to you or act like that. That needs to be reported quickly. Your friends is obviously not a very good one. I don't think you will have changed at all losing weight, well not in that sort of way. I have noticed that a friend or two is in now way keen to congratulate me and I do have one who refuses to even acknowledge. She has such body issues that I have noticed that she has started picking on me a lot more and she has been trying to make me eat loads of junk food.

    I would ignore your 'friend', totally not worth it.
  • AmandaCaswell1982
    AmandaCaswell1982 Posts: 170 Member
    Some people mistake confidence for b!tchiness... and I promise I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. One of my skinny friends has been almost picking fights with me. THe thing is, in the last 2 weeks- she has said "wow you look like me now!" (talking about weight-wise) and I almost feel like she's been saying that in a threatened way. I've never ever ever been one to take things like that- because I've not had the confidence in a LONG time. But I promise i've noticed her picking fights! I wonder why chubby people aren't seen as a threat? Or taken seriously?

    I just totally know what you mean. F your "friend". People like that aren't worth a minute of your time. Look all the strength it's taken you to get where you are- you don't need a jerkface to be your buddy. Good luck!
  • DWilbanks
    DWilbanks Posts: 420 Member
    First of all congrats on the weight loss, that's awesome. Second of all you probably have changed some what. I can't believe that you'd loose that weight and not change a little. But others perception of you also changes. For instance the other day I was trying to tell a woman at work that I've found that if I fill up on oatmeal in the mornings that I seem to feel full all day. Now I told her this because she made the statement "I wish I could find something to eat in the mornings that would stick with me." After I told her about the oatmeal her reply was "So I guess you think you're some diet guru?"

    I got up and walked away.

    If he wants to place you out of his life that quickly without a look back, well, you're probably right, he wasn't your friend to begin with in the first place.:ohwell:
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    Your friend is a b itch to put it mildly. I'd take that to HR like someone else already suggested.
    I think its because you're more confident in yourself and some weaker people find that intimidating.
    In my own experience, I've had a lot of drama from my family and random females at work. Lots of dirty looks and one even pulled her husband out of my store. Like seriously biotch? My family says I think I'm all that now and I'd better not get too cocky cuz it won't last lol. Too funny.
    But really congrats on all you hard work and be proud of what you've done and above all, the investment you've made into your health!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    He was definitely an assh*le. Let it go, but you might want to re-evaluate yourself too.

    There's a fine line between "standing up for yourself" and being confrontational.

    Congratulations on your weight loss. You can be the funny pretty skinny girl too you know.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    Just curious to what the catalyst to the friendship ending was. Was there a fight about something? Did he want something from you and you said no and he blamed it on you losing weight?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    A friend of mine (friend A) lost about 100 pounds over the last couple years. She definitely has become more outgoing and confident, but other than that, she's the same person she always was.

    Well, a mutual friend (friend B) (who was VERY close to friend A) has decided to completely shut the now-skinny friend out of her life. Friend B keeps saying that friend A has completely changed and friend B just doesn't like friend A anymore. And the ONLY difference I see is friend A seems to be happier and more comfortable in her own skin than she used to be.

    At first, friend B said friend A wasn't reaching out enough, but then friend A made a very serious effort to reach out (on her own. I haven't said a word to her about friend B) and friend B is completely ignoring her.

    It makes me sad to see it. And friend B isn't overweight or anything, so it's not even a jealousy thing. I don't understand it at all.
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    What's really sad I find, is the happier I get...the more friends I lose. Sad but true.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    What's really sad I find, is the happier I get...the more friends I lose. Sad but true.

    That is VERY sad! I'm actually finding I enjoy even more now spending time with friend A. She used to make comments to me about how nice it must be to be thin and about how I probably get special treatment and stuff. It always made me feel bad. Now she doesn't say those things! lol

    I liked her before and I always understood where she was coming from. Now it's just nice to see her so happy about what she's accomplished and liking the way she looks.
  • slacker80
    slacker80 Posts: 235 Member
    That manager sounds like more of a jerk than what he makes you out to be. I also think that's very possible that he has mistaken your new build of confidence into something else.
    Must say Wow! and Kudos on your success! your looking amazing. I know you should also feel amazing everyday as well, because it really is a great sense of pride that has changed your spirit. Just try to stick to sound decisions while doing whatever the hell you want. YOU EARNED IT!
  • ladybg81
    ladybg81 Posts: 1,553 Member
    I was not really fat before, but weighed more than I was happy to weigh. I've been thin my whole life. With that being said, my dad actually commented the other day to me that I have been more "brash and direct" than before. I put it to my job because as the head of accounting and the money manager, I have to reign people in and it takes an ugly turn at times and I have to really stand my ground. But I have wondered if these changes come from having more self confidence because I do feel better about myself. I say work it, within reason. Don't be a ***** just to do it, use it only in the right circumstance.
  • KeegansMomma
    KeegansMomma Posts: 156
    Ouch. Sorry to hear that your friend had to be that way.

    I personally think, it's a two way street as far as weight loss and attitude change goes. I know I've let people walk all over me and constantly saying "yes" to things being overweight. But now that I am starting to lose weight, I'm noticing a change within myself that I don't say yes as often. And that I say how I feel. And I'm learning to NOT let people walk all over me. And I think that comes from feeling good about myself.

    I also think it's your friends responsibility to change with you as well as far as attitude goes. You are (in a nutshell) putting forth an attitude of confidence and not putting up with ****...and your friends need to understand that. If they only liked you when you were fat because, as you said you were the "funny fat girl" and they don't like you now because you've gained confidence and self worth with your weight loss, they were never really your friends to begin with!

    Hold your head up high...and don't let his ex-best friend mess with your head. Ignore him at work. And if all else fails, go talk to HR and let them know what is going on (with your weight loss and now the ex-best friend/manager is being awful to you etc). And as long as you're doing your job at work right and well, then any repercussions your ex-best friend/manager can try to get you in trouble for makes HIM look like an *kitten* when you prove you've done your job!

    Good luck. And you look amazing! You are my inspiration, fellow Denver resident. :D
  • RisyaLifsheTova
    RisyaLifsheTova Posts: 305 Member
    Just curious to what the catalyst to the friendship ending was. Was there a fight about something? Did he want something from you and you said no and he blamed it on you losing weight?

    Out of know where he sent me a text message going on and on about how Ive changed and how he cant associate him self with someone like me.....Like come on! REALLY A TEXT?!?!! IM SUPPOSE TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND AND YOU TEXT ME to tell me how you feel....Thats what really put it over the line for me :( Sad to not have him as a friend anymore but again, maybe he wasnt really one to begin with. I dont know. It's whatever. I have to think about my health. Ive been friendly as friendly as i have always been. Just a lot happier. Someone told me it could be because Misery loves company....I dont know.
  • RisyaLifsheTova
    RisyaLifsheTova Posts: 305 Member
    Thank you all for your support. It's really nice to not be alone through all this. It just hurts :( But it is what it is. Again, maybe he wasnt the friend I thought he was. Just a chapter closed for another one to open in my life. Im surrounding myself with moer positive people now which is a plus. I like being around people who actually like to smile because theyre happy and not putting up a front. Whats funny is seeing him being friends with people he use to talk mad stuff about. Good to see someone is keeping it real. A lot of my fellow co-workers have even come to me asking me wth is going on. My answer....*shrug* Im not one to talk crap about someone. So it is what it is lol
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
    Many congrats on the weight loss. That's a huge accomplishment. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. :(
    I wish there was something I could say to explain it but I've never treated people that way. You should be so proud of yourself.
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