Feeling demotivated and disappointed.
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thankyou4thevenom
Posts: 1,581 Member
I am feeling completely demotivated right now. We got back the wedding pictures from my sisters wedding and quite honestly I don't see a difference between me when I was at my highest and me now. I absolutely hate it.
I struggle with losing weight. I've been fighting this fight since 2009, when I hit my highest weight of 191 lbs.
You can pretty much see the whole weight journey in a nice little graph here - http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wcSyj6r/
Since then I've been trying different things to lose weight. The one thing I do know is that if I try to do too much all at once I fail pretty quickly and that a slow change is better for me.
I despise the gym but that comes from not really being a social person in general. I prefer the company of books to people, so going to exercise in front of people is just horrible. I really hate the idea I might have to talk to someone at the gym.
I do better with exercise at home but I'm currently in a very unsupportive situation. My mother is very good at sabotaging me from things like not wanting to watch portion control to buying the food she knows are my trigger foods. If she knows I'm exercising she gets worse with these things. To make it worse she mostly home when I am and that means I rarely get time on my own to do exercise videos and the like when she's not around.
I work 12 hour days, which leave me exhausted. In the run up to Christmas I'm looking at spending 6 days a week doing that. There is zero healthy food at work. It's all chips and deep fried food.
The kicker is I'm now a UK size 14, I used to be a size 18 to 20. My measurements are much smaller I just can't see it. The scale says I'm lighter than I've ever been. I can never remember being this light.
However I currently feel at my worst.
Highest weight
Blue Jeans, black t-shirt and white watch.
August of this year
Bridesmaid on the left
I struggle with losing weight. I've been fighting this fight since 2009, when I hit my highest weight of 191 lbs.
You can pretty much see the whole weight journey in a nice little graph here - http://www.tickerfactory.com/weight-loss/wcSyj6r/
Since then I've been trying different things to lose weight. The one thing I do know is that if I try to do too much all at once I fail pretty quickly and that a slow change is better for me.
I despise the gym but that comes from not really being a social person in general. I prefer the company of books to people, so going to exercise in front of people is just horrible. I really hate the idea I might have to talk to someone at the gym.
I do better with exercise at home but I'm currently in a very unsupportive situation. My mother is very good at sabotaging me from things like not wanting to watch portion control to buying the food she knows are my trigger foods. If she knows I'm exercising she gets worse with these things. To make it worse she mostly home when I am and that means I rarely get time on my own to do exercise videos and the like when she's not around.
I work 12 hour days, which leave me exhausted. In the run up to Christmas I'm looking at spending 6 days a week doing that. There is zero healthy food at work. It's all chips and deep fried food.
The kicker is I'm now a UK size 14, I used to be a size 18 to 20. My measurements are much smaller I just can't see it. The scale says I'm lighter than I've ever been. I can never remember being this light.
However I currently feel at my worst.
Highest weight
Blue Jeans, black t-shirt and white watch.
August of this year
Bridesmaid on the left
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Replies
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You look beautiful, and wow, you really can see the difference, especially in your waist and hips! 36lbs lost is an amazing achievement!
If it helps, if you show no interest in talking to people at the gym, no-one talks to you, even in classes. That's been my experience anyhow, I just don't make eye contact!0 -
they really arent good pictures to compare.. seeing as you cant really see you in the first picture and you are sitting down - which is never a flattering view for me! but the bottom picture looks gorgeous! and i dont think there is a job out there that has healthy food- you have to work to make a change. YOU have buy your groceries if your mom wont.. YOU have to cut up your produce the night before to take to work (fruits.. veggies and dip..etc.) YOU have to pass up the cakes and cookies and fried foods people will tempt you with this holiday season- ESP if they find out your trying to lose weight (dont know why that is people do it) - you ultimately control your decisions. Gyms arent very motivating i agree.. try walking or jogging- its very refreshing and my favorite time of the day where i get to be alone with my thoughts and get my alone time.. try the c25k.com challenge.. its a great start to jogging. you can say its too cold out now..or you can layer up and try. good luck!0
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One thing to remember is that we are our own worst enemy when it comes to recognising slow physical changes in ourselves. And if we've been overweight for a while it's very hard to disconnect from that image.
Even though those aren't the best pictures for comparison, I can definitely see quite a change in your shape. Trust your scale and your clothing sizes. Change has happened even if you can't see it.
When it comes to the gym, earbuds in and look focused on what you're doing, likely the most you'll get is a nod or a smile from other people. At least in my experience.
That hard news is that you're responsible for your eating and exercising. Mother and food at work or not. I've come to see such things as challenges and not obstacles. Every time I stick the course instead of giving under I feel that much stronger.
Hang on in there, you've done great. You can keep doing it0 -
You know your on a knifes edge and if you start down that slippery slope then all of this great work (an it is amazing) will be lost .
I live with my mum and her parents and when I read your situation it sounded like mine. After going through a few months of waiting till 10pm to have the front room to myself, I decided enough was enough, especially as I'm up before 6 to get ready for work. So I sat down with my grandparents and explained the situation, we negogiated that I can have thr front room to myself during certain times of various evenings and they would watch the telly in their room/read paper in the kitchen.
I now have an exercise bike which on days I dont get the front room to myself, I take it into the bedroom put on some music and read my book while riding.
In terms of food I've asked them not to put in the kitchen any goodies I like but to keep them in a private draw. That way they are not deprived and temptation is kept out of my reach.
I hope you can find some middle ground with your mum.0 -
I agree with everyone above! You look gorgeous in the wedding photo!!! You can tell an amazing difference in the two pictures! Don't be hard on yourself! I hate the gym, too and totally understand parents that aren't supportive...but you CAN do this!!0
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You look great! I see the difference. :flowerforyou:0
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I have taken pics every month during some weight loss journeys and been demotivated and unhappy with the results - I didn't think they looked as good as I felt after losing weight! Now I stick with the scale and measurements - they keep me more motivated. Like others have said you do look great in the wedding pic and sitting down pics aren't flattering in general! It is difficult when you are losing weight because on one hand you've lost a pile of weight and feel great but on the other hand you still have alot to lose and feel fat - stick with it, I'm sure you will start to feel better about yourself again soon!
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I can see the difference between your two pictures. 36 lbs. is a lot and it shows. I think you look like a lovely bridesmaid. Don't be too hard on yourself.0
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WHOA WHOA WHOA......hold on here!!!!!! You DO show amazing changes!!!!
But - I think I know what you might be trying to 'see'...
Do you have other photos of you pre-weight loss where you can see front, back, side/side?
I bet if you were to take a photo of yourself right now - front, back, side/side - and COMPARE the new you to the former you - you would DEFINITELY see it more.
Comparing the former you sitting, to a new photo of you dressed up facing forward I can definitely understand why you would think you cant see changes.. but DAMN hun - I can DEFINITELY tell you have been working hard!!!!!
As far as mom goes - I havent seen my mother in about a year. She is a very bad eater, on all kinds of meds, has serious health problems, and every time I visited, they were making some sort of food that I knew well enough that it was VERY bad for you to begin with.... everytime she knew I was coming over, they were cooking.... I finally told my mother that I cant keep coming over if you are going to be cooking things for lunch for us.... she at first gave me the rude speech, tried to guilt me into "you used to eat my cooking all the time, whats the problem now?" - and when I remind her of all the foods I cannot medically have, it becomes a personal attack to her, I get reminded that Im not living... yadda yadda yadda.. you name it, she pours it out right there. I finally told her - then I need to stop coming over because Im not going to put up with you jeopardizing me.
Fast forward to last week on Thursday night - I ran into her while she was working - and she wouldnt even acknowledge the weight-loss on me (COME ON 60-SOMETHING LBS GONE IS PRETTY OBVIOUS!)... what it boils down to is that she is just jealous... well, thats her problem, not mine. LOL!0 -
You make a lovely bridesmaid and I can see the difference. Your arms and legs look more toned. Your shape is trimmer. You are a lovely lady and young. Keep your spirits up. What you are doing now will do you so much good. I'm routing for you!0
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definatley a difference!! keep up your hard work!
i hate talking to people at the gym too, and rarely do! i can be at the gym and never speak to a person except hello and goodbye to the desk person! we are all there for the same reason, not to socialize
hang in there...maybe get something that you can download books on and listen to them while out walking (i am so behind in the times i am not even sure if they have downloadable books to listen to )
good luck on your journey0 -
I can see the difference and you look totally cute in that bridesmaid's dress! I can relate to your family situation, my mother is always either picking on me about my weight or giving me BAGS to my trigger foods to take home with me (a lot of which I give away to friends or take to parties or in some cases, and I feel bad when I have to do it, but I throw it in the garbage and dump something gross on top of it so that it is GONE). The key is that I no longer live with her, and that made it SO MUCH easier for me to make positive changes. I wish that was an option for you? If it's not, then everyone else is right, you have to see it as a challenge instead of an obstacle and get really good at setting boundaries with her. It will be hard, it is always hard to set boundaries with parents because they are not usually like "oh, yes, change and grow by all means, and please be someone that I don't expect you to be!" But you owe it to your wonderful self to become exactly what you want to be, regardless of your family's expectations.
Regarding the gym, I don't like it either. I recently started doing the Jillian Michael's DVDs, and I have to say it is a WAY smaller financial investment and I have seen WAY bigger results. Do you live somewhere where there is enough room for you to work out? The best part is that the DVDs are like 20-30 minutes long, so they are easy to fit in to your schedule so you can still do other things. I have actually cancelled my gym membership, because I am so happy with them. That might be a good choice for you, too!0 -
I can assure you, I prefer books to people and even though I go to the gym lots, I never want to talk to people there. Once in about six years of gym-going a man said good morning to me, I pretty much eyeballed him out of it (it was 7am, who can talk about at that ungodly hour?!) and he's not spoken to me since.
Exercising is a necessary evil if you want to change your shape, but if you don't like the gym why not try a workout at home?
You've mentioned your home situation and it sounds like you need to move out, this is something you may want to think about also, you can't have people getting in the way of you reaching your goals. Perhaps all you and your mum need is some space and things will improve between you both.
xx0 -
Cut out a before picture, and a now picture and put the slices side by side, make them match up in height, and make a jpg out of it. Thats when you can really see the difference. It's subtle sometimes, but that usually makes it obvious.
Bring food to work. And learn to eat what you need to eat despite other people. That takes practice, and practice, and more practice. But each time it's a victory.
I had to put my foot down around here and tell my husband I cannot eat like that anymore, so we had to make changes. He finally stopped buying me treats every time I tried to lose weight, and eventually even started losing and exercising himself. That took 6 months of being serious. Once he realized how serious I was, and I stopped giving in, it changed. You can't change other people, but you can make small changes in yourself and keep at it until it becomes big changes. It's totally worth it.0 -
You look great in the wedding picture. I can totally see a difference in your before picture. I can see a difference in your chin, your arms, and your waistline. Trust me, 30 lbs. is no small victory! Dropping 2-3 dress sizes is no small victory. As for the gym, take comfort in the fact that most people at the gym aren't paying any attention to you. We are all in our own little worlds trying to get through the workouts. Also, if you don't want to talk to anyone listen to music while you are there. No one will talk to you.0
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If it makes you feel any better, I can definitely see a difference!0
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there is a difference not as much as you would like, but there is a difference.
Just keep on going, maybe you need to adjust something to get a bigger difference, but if you don't start something you will never get there. You have started, just don't stop! 0 -
Wow! I definately see a difference. Nice job. Slow and steady wins the race. Keep up the good work!0
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I have the same issue but only because I have a classic hour glass shape (as it appears you do). When I gain weight I gain it evenly - people are often surprised at how much I weight. When I loose it I loose it evenly so my "shape" rarely changes. But measurements, lbs on scale and clothes sizes do. 36 pounds!!! Celebrate yourself and take charge! You are amazing.0
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Firstly, being unmotivated and disappointed is completely and most definitely normal. (So you can take a nice deep breath and remind yourself that even the most fit/healthy people can feel that way too) <- a.k.a. you're not alone. Knowing you have support and like-minded people around you can sometimes be half the battle. So, you can check that off your list! >Check!<
Secondly, there IS a difference! Physically at least! You voiced that you know the numbers have gone down and also (although the pictures are difficult to compare because of angles) any person with eyes can see a difference! The problem is, you're with yourself all the time (obviously) so to you, the gradual change made you feel like there was NO change even with the number loss. That again... is normal.
And lastly, where the change may not have happened is mentally! In order to be on board with your loss/goals you need to get your head in gear with your bodily changes. The numbers are going down, gradual changes over time is healthy, and you should be proud! Every day is a step in the right direction and making those conscious decisions is what is going to get you closer and closer to whatever "physical" goal you have. But how do you feel? Are you noticing it's easier to do activities? Looser pants? More energy? Sleeping easier? So on and so forth.
As cliche as it sounds, change is not just a physical thing. When you are talking about weight loss it is a lifestyle change physically AND mentally. So, get your brain on board sister! You look great - keep up the fantastic work, adjust your midset and you'll get there in no time. (Okay, or a little bit of time... but be patient and it will happen) 0
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