Am I being childish?!?!?
amoffatt
Posts: 674 Member
I turned to MFP as a motivated place to loose weight and meet new people to help me along the way for I have found more support here than anywhere else. There are times I dont log in all the time, but when I do, I spend time catching up to others and their success, any advices and so forth. I guess my issue is there are some that I looked up to as motivators and when I havent logged on for a couple weeks (personal issues) they gave up and deleted me. I personally see this as one who only motivates those who are on the site 24/7 or all the time (which I try but cannot always do so), am I being childish? I always thought of the people here to be motivators and I understand if it has been months because I have "cleaned up" my friends for those who havent logged in for at least 3 months. You never know, one may be having personal issues or family emergencies, who knows.
I guess it only bothers me because this personal was always an inspiration with success stories, great motivation with words of wisdom and I always looked forward to it. More bumbed and of course I could request as friends again, but... if I dont log in for a couple days, will they delete me again. Any advice?:frown: :frown:
I guess it only bothers me because this personal was always an inspiration with success stories, great motivation with words of wisdom and I always looked forward to it. More bumbed and of course I could request as friends again, but... if I dont log in for a couple days, will they delete me again. Any advice?:frown: :frown:
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Replies
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It's all about them for them and it's about you for you. Don't take it personally if someone feels it's in their best interest to delete you from a list. They're all just doing whatever they think is best to keep themselves motivated and on track.
This is coming from someone who sees no reason to delete anyone and won't be offended if someone deletes me. It's not like they're passing judgement on me (or if they are, they're silly) it just means they for whatever reason feel more likely to succeed with my name not on their list. More power to them, says I.0 -
some people are too sensitive. Add me as a friend, I'm easy going and I don't give guilt trips if you don't log on every day. I have never deleted a friend yet. I suppose if someone was mean to me or got weird I might delete them..0
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I understand that there are times - days or weeks where it is impossible to log on - for instance I sometimes go to visit my fiance where there is no internet access or cell phone reception so logging in is impossible during my stays there. Sometimes we all go through some difficult family matters or for other personal reasons just can`t log on. You have to do what is right for you, When I see someone hasn`t logged in for a while, my first reaction is to worry about them, not delete them!
Add me if you'd like to.
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I have logged in for 150 days straight, but I fully understand why some people miss a few days here and there. Some of my MFP friends are also on Twitter. If I notice that they've not been here for a couple of days, I go there and check if they're ok. It's usually appreciated. Most of the time they're just feeling a bit down and need a nudge. I've n e v e r deleted an MFP friend for failing to log in :flowerforyou:0
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I turned to MFP as a motivated place to loose weight and meet new people to help me along the way for I have found more support here than anywhere else. There are times I dont log in all the time, but when I do, I spend time catching up to others and their success, any advices and so forth. I guess my issue is there are some that I looked up to as motivators and when I havent logged on for a couple weeks (personal issues) they gave up and deleted me. I personally see this as one who only motivates those who are on the site 24/7 or all the time (which I try but cannot always do so), am I being childish? I always thought of the people here to be motivators and I understand if it has been months because I have "cleaned up" my friends for those who havent logged in for at least 3 months. You never know, one may be having personal issues or family emergencies, who knows.
I guess it only bothers me because this personal was always an inspiration with success stories, great motivation with words of wisdom and I always looked forward to it. More bumbed and of course I could request as friends again, but... if I dont log in for a couple days, will they delete me again. Any advice?:frown: :frown:
Keep looking until you find TRULY supportive friends! When my pals haven't logged on in awhile, I send them a message, write on their profile and wait patiently, praying they come back! Feel free to add me for support!0 -
Yes. I really don't get why people put so much into having "friends" here. And who cares if you get deleted? It's not a big deal.
Most people probably delete because they are just clearing out people they don't talk to that often, etc.
I only friend people who have a specific thing in common with me.
This is the internet, not real life. I'd be more offended if my real life friend all of a sudden quit talking to me or something.
It's really not that big of a deal.
The amount of friends you have on MFP does not equate your self worth.0 -
Are you being childish? No. Are you not really thinking about the feelings of the people responsible for motivating you? Yes. It's not everyone's purpose on here to be motivational. Many of my friends prefer to cultivate closer bonds with their friends so they prune their lists of people who aren't logging in often to make room for people who do and who interact with them. Just something to think about.
What are *you* offering *them* in terms of friendship when you're not logging in?0 -
Yes. I really don't get why people put so much into having "friends" here. And who cares if you get deleted? It's not a big deal.
Most people probably delete because they are just clearing out people they don't talk to that often, etc.
I only friend people who have a specific thing in common with me.
This is the internet, not real life. I'd be more offended if my real life friend all of a sudden quit talking to me or something.
It's really not that big of a deal.
The amount of friends you have on MFP does not equate your self worth.
My thoughts too. I delete people that don't talk to me much after about a week if they don't log in. I'm not a friend collector. I like people who talk to me and are as active as me0 -
No I don't think you are being childish and I never realized that people do delete friends on here as much as they may do! I have kept all of mine because like you wrote - people get busy and things come up and all : ) Feel free to add me!0
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I know there's life and all and things happen. That's why I send people who don't check in for 3 days a message. If I don't hear from them after 8 days, then I drop them as friends.
We can always add each other as friends if and when they come back.0 -
Some people just want to hang with those who are serious about their goals and present every day, logging their food, exercise and such. That's not me...0
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I joined MFP right before a freak snowstorm in the northeast knocked out my power for 8 days. We were plunged into 19th century living, and obviously no internet. I was shocked that a relatively new 'friend' deleted me during this crisis. I was tracking my food in a little notebook the whole time, but she'll never know that.
To me, all this unfriending is mean-spirited, no matter how someone justifies that behavior to themselves. But, okay, I don't really need fair-feathered friends.0 -
She missed out non a terrific freind VOV :-)0
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I understand how you feel, however, I am one of those people.
I have logged in for over 375 days straight. I am committed to my goals beyond 100%.
While other people see me as a motivator and an inspiration, I know I am working hard myself and also hit blockages, need support. I want and need to be surrounded by people who are as dedicated as I am. I clean out my friends list once a week and if someone hasn't logged in for 5 days, I delete them.
This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle, and changes need to be made to see results. This, to me, means accountability every single day, regardless of life stresses, sickness, vacations, work, etc. I have logged in through family members being hospitalized, my own illness, vacation, and a highly stressful move last summer. So, basically, I see no reason not to log in unless you have been physically disabled and are in a hospital unable to communicate.
This may seem hard or pissy, but it is the level of motivation and commitment that I NEED to achieve my goals here on MFP, and I expect the same from my virtual friends.
♥♥♥0 -
Yes. I really don't get why people put so much into having "friends" here. And who cares if you get deleted? It's not a big deal.
Most people probably delete because they are just clearing out people they don't talk to that often, etc.
I only friend people who have a specific thing in common with me.
This is the internet, not real life. I'd be more offended if my real life friend all of a sudden quit talking to me or something.
It's really not that big of a deal.
The amount of friends you have on MFP does not equate your self worth.
My thoughts too. I delete people that don't talk to me much after about a week if they don't log in. I'm not a friend collector. I like people who talk to me and are as active as me
Same here. I don't delete people for not being around. I only delete the people who I always check on them and interact with them but they don't ever seem to reciprocate. I take my 'friends' seriously and don't want to waste my time on people who don't want to waste their time on me. If they really don't interact with me that often and then fall off the planet without a word, I'll email them a couple of times and then wait a bit, then delete them. I'm not a friend collector either.
Good Luck!0 -
I understand how you feel, however, I am one of those people.
I have logged in for over 375 days straight. I am committed to my goals beyond 100%.
While other people see me as a motivator and an inspiration, I know I am working hard myself and also hit blockages, need support. I want and need to be surrounded by people who are as dedicated as I am. I clean out my friends list once a week and if someone hasn't logged in for 5 days, I delete them.
This is not a diet, it is a lifestyle, and changes need to be made to see results. This, to me, means accountability every single day, regardless of life stresses, sickness, vacations, work, etc. I have logged in through family members being hospitalized, my own illness, vacation, and a highly stressful move last summer. So, basically, I see no reason not to log in unless you have been physically disabled and are in a hospital unable to communicate.
This may seem hard or pissy, but it is the level of motivation and commitment that I NEED to achieve my goals here on MFP, and I expect the same from my virtual friends.
♥♥♥
Well said!0 -
I don't think it's a big deal whether you log in daily or whenever you get the chance. We're supposed to be support to others and not judge anyone. If anyone thinks they have the right to judge others, they shouldn't be in this group. I'll be more than happy to be your friend and don't worry, I will not judge you or anyone ever.0
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In my opinion, people that are fast to delete someone is not a true friend. Why? Because a true would never turn their back on a friend, no matter what. These people want people to motivate them all the time. What will they do, when there's no one to motivate them? You have to motivate yourself. People will not always be around.
You don't needs these people. It's a good thing that they aren't on your friend's list anymore. Seasonal people aren't worth it. I have people on my friend's list that hasn't been on here for a while. I will not remove them. I'm not a seasonal cheerleader. I'm a forever cheerleader.0 -
I hate when people do that! Feel free to add me as a friend!0
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When it comes down to it, it's all up to you. I never understood the friends thing.0
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Before joining MFP, I would have agreed with you about the motivation and direction being all self-generated. I came here after researching the food databases of several online trackers. This was the best one. But, since then, the communities helped me find some awesome people who I have come to care about, and it lightens my day to hear from them. In a weak moment during the day, I might check my page and see someone else struggling, and through encouraging them, I encourage myself. I never expected this would play such an important part in my program.0
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I guess it only bothers me because this personal was always an inspiration with success stories, great motivation with words of wisdom and I always looked forward to it. More bumbed and of course I could request as friends again, but... if I dont log in for a couple days, will they delete me again. Any advice?:frown: :frown:
Weight loss sites have massive turnover. People sign up, all gung-ho, then disappear. It's not out of place to assume someone who hasn't logged in for a long time may not be back. It wouldn't bother me to be deleted. If it was a person I really wanted to keep in touch with, I would just send another friend request. If not, I'd forget about it. I have seen posts about this before and always wondered why it upsets someone.0 -
When MFP alerts me that someone on my friend's list hasn't been on for a while, I post them a message on my news feed or send a message. Hopefully, they will get the message in their regular email.0
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Thank you all for your responses and after reading everyones great advice I have learned this...
*I am not childish-just over sensitive and to stop letting ths little bit get me down.
*I have struggled for years and friends and family has given up when times got hard, here they push to the max.
*I am committed 100%, not logging on everyday in a row doesnt mean I am not true to my goals (personal issue=unable to pay internet bill a couple times = no internet...)
*This is a place to loose weight and motivation= those that I consider "friends" to help me along the way.
*I am committed for me, I am there for me, I am there for others that are in the same boat as me, need the support because even on a "internet site" I cannot always do it alone. That is why we all are here....together!!!
Thanks again, I do feel much better and kicken weight loss in the butt!!!!0 -
Sometimes I take friend requests so I can see who the person is and if we have something in common. If we don't and we don't remain in contact, I probably have deleted them. In the beginning, when I didn't know what the site was all about, I accepted requests and found later that those people had nothing in common with me and we did not communicate so I cleaned it up and moved on. There are many reasons why someone is "unfriended."0
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