Help - what do I do?

PANZERIA · December 2011

So my fiance is in absolute tip-top shape. Like, he could run for an hour "just cuz,'" his weight routines are insane, and he works out 6-7 days a week. He reached his goal about a year ago so now it's just building more muscle and maintaining. He's quite happy. He's also at the point where his metabolism is so fast and he has SO much muscle that he can eat whatever he wants and doesn't gain a pound - his body just eats it all up.

Problem is, I'm not, and I don't think he gets it.

I was doing so well with my weight loss, but with Christmas coming up (He ADORES Christmas) he insisted on doing baking for Christmas, he wanted bacon last week, we had mac and cheese last week as well...essentially, he's splurging this year.

I splurged with him a LITTLE and over a week, I gained five effing pounds. ALL of my progress has gone completely out the window.

Granted, I also wasn't able to workout since I was quite ill for a few days...so I wasn't eating for a couple of days, then we go and eat high fat foods and...well...there you have it.

Is anyone else in this situation? I don't want to hinder my fiance from eating all of the good foods since one day, I hope to be there with him; able to eat whatever I want and for my body to just devour it, no matter what it is. Problem is that I'm not and I need some suggestions to help me out here. What do I do? He deserves his treats. (we live together, btw)

wickedcricket · December 2011

I eat bacon. Not every day of course but I'm not giving up bacon. Just do extra 10/15 mins on the elliptical or something.
anyway here's my thought on the b/f thing. try just a bite or two. don't eat whole portions just because HE can. Have just a bite- only eat things you LOVE and want (and worth the cals) and add a few mins to your workout
Also- DON'T STRESS! it's Christmas! take it easy- you'll have all of boring January & February to work it off

PANZERIA · December 2011

I suppose you're right. I guess I'm just stressed because I gained so much so quickly and it's SO HARD for me to lose weight. I'm at that 'hump' and I was losing, but now it's gained so fast.

babykanguruh · December 2011

I feel the same. I splurged over TG with my family (husband, 2 kids and my cousin), then was back on track all last week and just had one splurge day on Saturday. Now I've gained back three of the pounds I lost over the last six weeks! So frustrating. What works best for me (when I'm on track) is to make my own things and just say no. I know it's hard (obviously, my total weightloss is 3 friggin pounds) but we just gotta keep trying, right?

livinginwoods · December 2011

I have the same problem with my husband. He told me the other night when I said I was making stir fry "Just because you are making changes don't expect me too. You still have to cook for my needs also". Oh I got so stinking angry. So instead of the stir fry I made bacon cheese burgers but less on mine and only one piece of bacon and last night I made the stir fry and he ate it then a half a bag of chips because the stir fry did not fill him up............

It is a struggle. We can't afford to buy and cook separate meals so I try and compromise. Last night he kept going on and on how he wanted to go get us some big macs tonight for dinner. I said NO WAY. I am making fresh homemade tacos. He asked about Pizza Night on Saturday. I said fine, but half of it is going to be veggie pizza. He added to my shopping list: cookies, chips and dip, cheese wiz and sausage and more soda. UGH> That is Not happening.

Anyway, it is a frustrating thing so I understand how you feel. Ask him to compromise because it will help you be healthier. Maybe that will help him understand.

klkopa · December 2011

my husband is the same he can eat whatever he wants. I wish I could eat like he does and sometimes I do, still not sure what to do about it either because I have no self control.

KiyaK · December 2011

I didn't read the other posts, so I'm probably repeating what others have said.

My husband eats all kinds of junk food all the time. He also works out like crazy because he has so much evergy, he would explode without an outlet. I don't have the drive to do intense cardio for 2-5 hours (he plays basketball), so I realize I can't eat like him too. Moving in together was a struggle. I had to learn that just because he is eating, doesn't mean I have to/get to eat. He has a special cupboard up high where he keeps his "junk" so I don't have to see it and am not tempted to eat it (I currently spend most of my day at home.)

I also learned to eat much LESS than him. Just because he has a plate heaping with spaghetti, doesn't mean that's what my plate has to look like. I eat 1/4 of the amount of noodles & fill the rest of my plate with veggies (which 1/2 the time he doesn't eat at all). You have to learn to cope, or you'll never make any progress on your own goals. Just the way it is. Good luck!!

KiyaK · December 2011

I have the same problem with my husband. He told me the other night when I said I was making stir fry "Just because you are making changes don't expect me too. You still have to cook for my needs also".

My husband told me the same thing. I didn't get mad though. Just because weight-loss is my goal, doesn't mean it has to be his goal too. I cook healthy dinner & if he wants to buy/make junk instead, go for it. I still buy chips & pop for him, I just don't eat much of it. It is a challange, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

kwest_4_fitness · December 2011

I’m wondering where the support from the significant others is? For the initial poster, were you not super-supportive when your fiancé was on his way to being super fit? Does he not remember that? Healthy man amnesia, perhaps? And for the poster who has the husband unwilling to change, does he not know how to cook his own meals? Sorry to be B!tch Pudding, ladies, but when the support is lacking, something else sounds like it may be lacking as well, even if it’s simple consideration.

My husband and I did the whole weight loss thing together, eating the same things, super supportive, etc. He’s at his goal, and still eats what I eat. We have one super indulgence day a month, like fast food or burgers from the local diner. We plan the holidays together, working on a menu of what we will eat when we go visiting or partying. But he does not order pizza on a whim, he doesn’t decide to cruise through a drive through on his way home. And even though he doesn’t work out with me anymore (he concentrates more on strength training and his cross country skiing), he encourages me to work out with my Zumba and still comes out to the garage to help me out with my strength training.

There can be no “me, my, or I” in a relationship that is focused on weight loss and health, because everything each person does can affect the other. It has to be “we”, even when you do things apart. This way there’s always a conscious decision to remain supportive and healthy.

KylieBarstow · December 2011

My husband is in the military and is naturally just a skinny guy and can literally eat anything he wants. So I totally understand your frustrations. I can just look at a piece of pie or bag of chips and gain weight. Lol.

The cool thing about my husband is he is totally supportive of what I'm doing and is willing to eat anything and everything I make even if I am now buying low cal/fat free things such as bacon and milk and stuff like that. He doesn't mind. With your fiance having reached his goal and now "being able to eat whatever he wants" I'm sure he understands that you still have other diet needs as well. I do not see why he wouldn't want to make a plan up to suit both of your needs. Plus just because he's reached that goal, doesn't mean he can start eating stuff like that on a daily basis because sooner or later it will catch up to him. The key to losing weight isn't just eating healthy for a little while and as soon as you're where you want to be at just throw everything you've been doing out the door, you have to maintain that diet.

And don't forget everyone is allowed a cheat day once in a while, a lot of people I know have 1 a week or so. But the thing I've discovered that has helped me lose weight the most is portion control. I know my husband probably thinks I'm crazy but I literally measure everything we cook out into measuring cups so I know EXACTLY how much I'm eating.

Just talk to him, I'm sure he'll understand! Best of luck to you on your journey!

ElizabethRoad · December 2011

I was doing so well with my weight loss, but with Christmas coming up (He ADORES Christmas) he insisted on doing baking for Christmas, he wanted bacon last week, we had mac and cheese last week as well...essentially, he's splurging this year.

I eat things like bacon, mac & cheese, and baked goods. I just fit them into my calories for the day. Why can't you eat these foods?

KylieBarstow · December 2011

I was doing so well with my weight loss, but with Christmas coming up (He ADORES Christmas) he insisted on doing baking for Christmas, he wanted bacon last week, we had mac and cheese last week as well...essentially, he's splurging this year.

I eat things like bacon, mac & cheese, and baked goods. I just fit them into my calories for the day. Why can't you eat these foods?

I agree, I eat these things too, it's just all about portion control, which seems to be many people's problems.

ElizabethRoad · December 2011

I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. But really I believe there is no reason to completely cut these foods out of your life. Bacon is only like 40 calories. I eat it all the time. You do have to be conscious of how much you are eating, but (at least to me) it's so much easier to have a reasonable amount of something tasty than to eat boring food all the time.

jenniet04 · December 2011

First off, I doubt the 5 lbs you gained was all fat - you would have had to eaten a TON of calories for that to happen. It's probably mostly water weight from extra sodium with those kinds of foods. Second, you can have all of those foods, just in moderation. Log your foods so you know exactly how many calories you are eating and make sure you are drinking your water to help flush everything out. And don't stress - it's not good for your body.

kit_katty · December 2011

Here's what I do sometimes, take your mac and cheese, know what portion you're ok with for you, and then steam up a whole bunch of veggies too. So you indulge a bit, but carefully! That's what I do when say lasagna is for dinner. It's so easy to over eat lasagna, so I do the veggie thing. Just a thought.

jrditt · December 2011

I feel your pain, My fiance is tiny and can eat whatever he wants but doesn't like a lot of vegetables. I end up making low calorie things in the crockpot with the hopes that he will like it and then he always eats 2-3 times the portion size i do. It's hard not to eat the things they make but I just make room for it. I'm sure some of the weight you gained was water weight from all the sodium so don't worry too much.

We can't change them too because they don't really need it. We can however, ask them to support us and not give us a hard time.

madonna71 · December 2011

urghh that is so frustrating!! Thing is you have to decide what you want? No matter what the exuse is (there always is an excuse for me to binge on fatty foods) lets face it "being out of shape is hard, dieting is hard but you gotta choose your hard" I always say that to myself when it feels like I am going to cheat and it seems to be working for me.
I don't know about you but I feel this is a lifestyle change and not a diet that temporarily gets me in shape. There is nothing worse than picking it up after you've lost it ( I am sure you know this and are just feeling the remorse? By the way is maybe a little too early too be too hard on yourself. You would of had to have cheated really bad to have picked up 5lb's. My guess is it is your body holding on too water and the damage is probably only a fraction of what you think. My suggestion is Get back on the wagon and commit yourself. Explain to your guy how important it is that he supports you!! Afterall you look quite great in your avi so I am rooting for you.

livinginwoods · December 2011

I And for the poster who has the husband unwilling to change, does he not know how to cook his own meals? Sorry to be B!tch Pudding, ladies, but when the support is lacking, something else sounds like it may be lacking as well, even if it’s simple consideration.

Actually, no, he can't cook his own meals. For the first time in his entire life, he is 47, he made his first grilled cheese two days ago, burned but he did it. He can basically use the microwave and cook a frozen pizza, half the time burnt, in the oven. It's sad but he always ate out when he was single. He loses track of time and doesn't bother cooking. I was shocked this morning when he made himself toast. I have only seen him use a toaster once before.

I didn't mean to sound so harsh on my husband. He says he supports me and he knows how important it is for me to lose this weight so we can have a baby and I can be healthy. He just is terrible when it comes to food. I worry about him. He will go through McDonald's and order 6 Double Stacks and fries. Or get two large pizzas and eat them both. I hope to influence him with my progress.

vytamindi · December 2011

My fiance is tall and thin with the fuel burning capabilities of a Humvee. He graciously, albeit reluctantly, told me (when I started on Dukan and have since have abandoned) that he would totally be supportive and go on the diet with me. There is no way I wanted him to do that! His body needs a bazillion calories. Plus that's an expensive diet for me, let alone for both of us (I think chickens would be extinct).

In fact, that's one of the reasons I am here. I ate what he ate, and gained weight after we started dating. All in all, he's been very supportive of what I cook (not sure if he likes the food or is just glad I'm cooking and he isn't), while supplementing his hunger with things no one has ANY business eating. "It'll catch up with me when I'm 40," he says.

You don't have to eat "diet" food, just make sure whatever you're eating is in your calorie allowance. And if that isn't enough, add a steamed veggie side dish to fill up the rest of your hunger needs. I have hated him for being so skinny, but in the end, I'll probably die LONG after he does (we have a crazy sarcastic relationship and joke about that all of the time lol).

kwest_4_fitness · December 2011

I And for the poster who has the husband unwilling to change, does he not know how to cook his own meals? Sorry to be B!tch Pudding, ladies, but when the support is lacking, something else sounds like it may be lacking as well, even if it’s simple consideration.

Actually, no, he can't cook his own meals. For the first time in his entire life, he is 47, he made his first grilled cheese two days ago, burned but he did it. He can basically use the microwave and cook a frozen pizza, half the time burnt, in the oven. It's sad but he always ate out when he was single. He loses track of time and doesn't bother cooking. I was shocked this morning when he made himself toast. I have only seen him use a toaster once before. I didn't mean to sound so harsh on my husband. He says he supports me and he knows how important it is for me to lose this weight so we can have a baby and I can be healthy. He just is terrible when it comes to food. I worry about him. He will go through McDonald's and order 6 Double Stacks and fries. Or get two large pizzas and eat them both. I hope to influence him with my progress.

Well now, that sounds okay. Sad that he never learned how to cook, but I imagine there are both men and women who either don't know or aren't very good at it. Sorry I sounded so harsh, too. I've just read a lot of posts about some very unsupportive spouses/partners and always wonder what the root cause of the attitude may be.

Iceskatefanrn · December 2011

You can definitely cook the "same" meal for both of you, with minor alterations to fit your needs.

For example, you should definitely have Pizza Night once a week - either you can do homemade crusts or buy the premade. Make yours a whole wheat flatbread, and his a traditional Pizza crust. Make or buy pizza sauce - those tomatoes are good for you both!

Then it's a "Toppings Bar" and the fun begins! Cheeses, meats, veggies, etc. You go heavy on the veggies, and let him load up on the meats. He can eat his whole pizza - you pair yours with a lovely salad, and save any lefover flatbread veggie pizza for lunch the next day.

:drinker: :drinker: :drinker:

Ice

jmgcummins · December 2011

My husband doesn't always enjoy my new healthy lifestyle either, but he is doing his best to support me. I make adjustments to his meal to suit him, extra pasta, bread, or rice, extra portion of meat, etc. I give him the same veggies though, and he eats them even though he doesnt't want to. Lol.

Our favorite ice cream was on sale this week (coffee crisp. Yum!) but he didn't buy any because he didn't want to tempt me. He knows if Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy. Haha.

Help - what do I do?

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