Mothers

jjolson70
jjolson70 Posts: 14
edited October 2024 in Motivation and Support
Are mothers on this planet to give birth to you and then spend the rest of their lives making you feel bad about yourself? Mine just came for a visit and, surprisingly, did not bring up my weight at all. I never had a weight problem growing up and didn't start putting on lots of weight until I was in my 30s. Ever since I did, she'll make little comments here and there, and I've ignored them because even when I weighed 130 lbs and was 5'9", she would comment on it. But she made it a point to call and leave me a message at work to call her back because she needed to talk to me. So I called her back only to be told she bought me a large sweater for Christmas that "should" fit me, and that she was concerned about me because all the fat people she knew who had fat around their neck?? had heart attacks. Um...I have long hair and a double chin. What the hel do you mean my fat neck? And THEN, my daughter, who is seriously thin and eats like a bird, was the next subject of attack. She is 14. I apparently am supposed to wake up and feed my 14 year old daughter like she is a baby so she has adequate nutrition. The food is there. If the girl isn't going to eat it, she's not going to eat it. She's a teenager. If I told her fruits and vegetables were bad for her, she'd probably start eating them.
Anyway, had to get that off my chest. I'm so angry I could hit something. Mothers of the world, shut up. If your criticism helped us, we wouldn't be fatties in the first place. Keep your unsolicited opinions to yourself. You had at least 18 years to tell me what I was doing wrong. If I'm still doing stuff wrong, then either butt out or blame yourself for not doing a better job.
Ok, now I'm done.

Replies

  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    I'm sure that a lot of that was just your need to vent... at least I hope so, cuz otherwise your mom is not only out of line but kind of a bag! YIKES! Sorry... shouldn't have said that about anyone's mom, but it does seem as tho the comments were a little harsh. :grumble:

    :heart: My mom is one that has always had my best intentions in mind but sometimes the way that she goes about it is hard to take. My brother is now 29 and he and I were talking the other day about how my mom and grandmother would always offer him cakes, candy, cookies etc and i would be offered a carrot or glass of water because after all he was a stick figure and I was a chubby girl...and "would be so pretty if I could be skinny". Or how just recently (start of my weight loss journey) "You need to get out and move. Before the baby you looked soooo good. Amber, he is 8 now, time to get on it".... Hahahahaha THANKS MOM! What a big help you are!:noway:

    Sometimes I think moms think that they have a special pass allowing them to say whatever they want without reprocussion. I think you should talk to her. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you are doing what you can to lose some weight, for YOU, not for HER or anyone else and how those kind of comments hinder not help. :flowerforyou:

    Good luck...
  • jjolson70
    jjolson70 Posts: 14
    Today everyone gets a free pass to bag on my mom! I know she has good intentions, but she's got a really horrible way of showing it.
    Thanks for your advice. I know I need to just take a deep breath and tell her to nicely back off, that I am losing weight for me, not her. I'm not sure if I want to go work out for eight straight hours or eat a cake. Either way, I'm staying the hell away from the phone for awhile.
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
    Do YOURSELF a favor and stay away from the cake... :heart:
  • lcchrt
    lcchrt Posts: 234 Member
    I know the feeling. Last ime my mother came to visit she bragged about how she had lost all the weight from giving birth to me in a week and she was actually fit. She went home and did sit ups the second she got home from the hospital. Then she proceeded to ask if my baby was slow.

    Let me clarify, I have a ten week old. I lost all the baby weight AND MORE and she still gets on me about being too large. My baby is 10 weeks old. How could she be slow?? 10 Week olds aren't supposed to be walking and talking!!!!! On top of that she weighs herself like 10 times a day (literally) exclaiming "OH I shouldn't have eaten that granola bar!". I don't want my baby to grow up around that because I did and have had disordered eating since I can remember!! My house is a no weight talk zone lol.


    Oh yes and I forgot the best one!!!! My husband owns his own business. He works three days a week because that is plenty for us. We would rather spend time together than be rich. ANYWAY My mother send hima different job opening e mail EVERY DAY. Talk about nosey. We are doing fine and we are very happy. There is no way we are going to give up our current life to take a full time job for someone else. Crazy people!!
    Oh mothers. We love you but sometimes you need to learn to keep your mouth shut!!
  • jjolson70
    jjolson70 Posts: 14
    Amen! Thanks for the post. I feel better now, and I didn't eat cake, although I ate a chocolate since they are floating around work here. And I don't think my kids did anything at 10 weeks old except drool, poop and cry. Now that they are teenagers, they still just drool and poop but they ask for money instead of crying.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
    This post makes me feel incredibly guilty about constantly being frustrated because my mom is always saying "You're not fat", "A cookie isn't going to kill you" and "Why are you doing this 30 Day Shred thing, anyway?"

    I should note that my mom is a nice size and weight.... my sister and I struggle like mad.

    Some mothers see ALL the flaws, and others are completely blind.

    I hope things get better. This is where the internet proves to be a good thing, because you can surround yourself with people at least slightly more normal than your family..... ;-)
  • katcod1522
    katcod1522 Posts: 448 Member
    eat a cupcake and work out :)
  • Vermilla
    Vermilla Posts: 348
    I have mixed feelings on this topic. My mom was the opposite on everything. She NEVER spoke of how I looked and because of it, I grew up in a horrible way. I had to be pulled out of school because I didn't know anything about self-image and, as school kids tend to go, they were extremely cruel to me. I was the kid who always wore t-shirts with holes and old sweatpants that were too short while all the other girls had a nice self image. Now, I don't know what their parents were like, but I always wished my mom would at least have said something to me. Not as harshly as apparently some are being/have been you the previous posters, but at least something. I'm 26 now and still have 0 self-esteem because of it. They may be going about it wrong, but they do have good intentions. Of the two, I wish my mother had said something - anything.

    Also, as a mom myself, although my little girl is only 5 years old, I'm going to attempt to do it right when she gets older. I won't totally ignore her existance like my mom did and let her be the butt of every joke through her school years because she has no sense of self-image but I also don't want to be that nagging mother who she feels like is always just putting her down no matter what. I feel like it's going to be a hard struggle to stay on that line, and maybe that's where other mothers have messed up. Mothers (in most cases) want their children to fit in, to be healthy and look good, but sometimes, they go overboard and think that their children should the perfect image in their head no matter what.
  • ashreneeknutson
    ashreneeknutson Posts: 77
    Oh my goodness! My mother-in-law is like this. She once told my husband that he is a walking heart attack. Just randomly.
    I'm so thankful for my mother...shes very encouraging and each day I notice I become more and more like her. THANKFULLY.
    I'm sorry you guys have difficult mothers to deal with.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
    I have mixed feelings on this topic. My mom was the opposite on everything. She NEVER spoke of how I looked and because of it, I grew up in a horrible way. I had to be pulled out of school because I didn't know anything about self-image and, as school kids tend to go, they were extremely cruel to me. I was the kid who always wore t-shirts with holes and old sweatpants that were too short while all the other girls had a nice self image. Now, I don't know what their parents were like, but I always wished my mom would at least have said something to me. Not as harshly as apparently some are being/have been you the previous posters, but at least something. I'm 26 now and still have 0 self-esteem because of it. They may be going about it wrong, but they do have good intentions. Of the two, I wish my mother had said something - anything.

    That was sad to read. I guess now you can learn from your Mother & give your all to your little girl. I understand there is no handbook on how to be a parent but common sense has to prevail?
  • 2April
    2April Posts: 285 Member
    Sorry, I found this post so funny - especially the part about the fat neck and heart attacks. Totally reminds me of my mom and my grandmother.
  • jjolson70
    jjolson70 Posts: 14
    That's no good either. I'm sorry that happened to you. My mom was the opposite-all she did was rip on everything I wore and how I did my hair. We are very different. I swore I wouldn't do that to my daughter, and I haven't...yet...but she hasn't given me a reason to.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I'm so sorry your mother is such a PITA.

    Thankfully, I have a pretty fabulous mother who (mostly) doesn't criticize and I hope my daughter feels the same about me!

    No, mothers are not here to behave that way, but many of them do.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Here's the thing...moms are just like people. Being born with a uterus capable of baking a baby to correct temperature does NOT equip you with the proper emotional maturity needed to be a good mom. It sucks. But once I realized my mom was *gasp* human, I felt much better.
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