Am I just not meant to be thin??????

demetria423
demetria423 Posts: 25 Member
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
I have seen so many success stories of people working out and meeting their goal weight but for some reason I do not see myself as ever meeting my goal weight. I know I should think positive but I have been dieting my whole life basically and even when I was at my smallest I was still overweight and was not thin as I wanted to be. At this point I cannot even picture myself as ever being thin. That is when I start thinking, am I just not meant to be thin? I have heard people say things such as, oh you will never be a size 4 because of your frame (whatever that means). Is there any validity to this statement? When I first started trying to lose weight I thought any size I wanted to be was possible but going through all these different diets and lifestyle changes and never once reaching my goal I start to believe the phrase that I am just not meant to be thin :sad:

Replies

  • ShannanRenae
    ShannanRenae Posts: 130
    Im not meant or built 2 be thin eitha & nor is that my goal....my goal is 2 maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have wide hips & thighs 4 days & I know I will never be thin, so I dont even worry about being thin...I even had a trainer tell me so, he said my hips were a bone & they arent goin anywhere, although they're BIG the are well portioned...Cheer up babydoll...sum of us arent meant 2 be thin/skinny! WE STILL ROCK HUNNY_BOO!
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    Get rid of the self-defeating mentality, and get to work. You CAN do this.
  • MeganRhea_x
    MeganRhea_x Posts: 57 Member
    I feel the same way! I wonder if I'll ever get to my goal weight... and I feel like I've been dieting my whole life too. But when I think about it, I always ended up giving up and never stuck with trying to be healthy long enough to actually see any results! Just stick with it!! And good luck :)
  • mcva929
    mcva929 Posts: 73 Member
    I don't think it's about not being meant to be thin, I think it's more about being comfortable with your size. Sure, I may never be a size 0, mainly because my hip bones are too wide. That, and I like a little extra something to hold on to ;) I think the thought you need to be having is about getting healthy and where you feel confident. Even if it isn't at the specific size you want, size is just a number (and in women's clothes, it even varies from brand to brand! You can be a size 14 in one brand and a size 4 in another). You need to focus on your NSVs and how you feel :)
  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
    Stay positive and keep trying. I've hit a one month plateau (my first since March) and its been very difficult to keep up all the training and calorie counting with zero results. I just tell myself my body is readjusting and the weight loss WILL finally get there. I have 13 more pounds to lose and I really WANT to lose those because I am kind of in between sizes and I want to be one or the other, and certainly don't want to GAIN to be in the higher one.

    One thing you can do is reassess your goal and make sure its not unrealistic. Find out what type of frame you have and what weight you would be at for a normal, middle of the road BMI. For me, 168 was a 24.1 BMI and in the "recommended" range for my height (5'10). But now that I am there, I want about 10-13 more pounds off because I still have fat around my middle and thighs. You can always set a higher goal and see how you feel when you get there. Or think of things in small increments. I wanted to get to under 200, then I wanted 175, then I wanted to be a normal BMI. I just keep reassessing.
  • vettle
    vettle Posts: 621 Member
    Check your frame size. I can't remember the details, but google it, it has to do with measuring your wrist size with your thumb and pointer finger. Ideal weight is based on your frame among many other things. Knowing this can help ease your troubles.

    I have wide shoulders and a wide rib cage so I'll never have that small look, but you still CAN be thin. I have some friends that are small above the waist but have giant hips so they'll never fit into a size 4 ever, even if they wear an extra small shirt.

    Here is a site that might help: http://www.icb2001.com/What_You_Should_Weigh.asp
  • ShannanRenae
    ShannanRenae Posts: 130
    Everybody answers are great.....
  • ARMom8251
    ARMom8251 Posts: 194
    Its more important to feel good about who you are....so what if you aren't other people's idea of skinny...who cares. If we try to live up to others expectations we will always fall short. I also hate the word diet, why not instead make a life style change. Diets almost always fail if we aren't willing to look and see food different...this has taken me a LONG time and still not perfect but it works. You don't have to deprive yourself of the things you love, just modify it to stay within your calorie goal! If you feel good about yourself thats all that matters, and you can do it it is possible just get out there and do it!
  • withchaco
    withchaco Posts: 1,026 Member
    It is true that different people have different frames, aka bone structure; for example, some women have wider hips or wider shoulders even though they're skinny.

    But you don't really know what your frame is like until you're somewhat close to goal weight, though. Back when I was obese, my bro thought I had a huge ribcage because my arms wouldn't drop straight down. But now that I've lost most of the excess weight, it's obvious that my frame is nowhere near "huge."

    Even if you do have a large frame, it's definitely possible to lose the flab. And having a large frame isn't necessarily a bad thing... I have tiny hips, and I wish my hips were just a bit larger; it'd be more feminine.

    I don't trust the wrist measurement method at ALL, by the way. One could easily have tiny wrists and huge hips, or the other way around. I'm very slender at the wrists but my shoulders are more average.
  • shedoos
    shedoos Posts: 446 Member
    Get rid of the self-defeating mentality, and get to work. You CAN do this.

    ^^This^^

    Stop worrying about your final goal and just start with the first pounds. You can determine what size your body can and can't be when you are much closer to goal. Right now, you're using the lack of a solid ending point as an excuse to not even really start.

    Sorry to be blunt - but put that stuff out of your head. As rock said - you CAN do this...
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
    My goal isn't to be thin. It's to be healthy, feel comfortable in my body, and to have an active lifestyle that keeps me in shape. I don't WANT to be thin. I think curves are sexy and I definitely don't want to get to a point where I don't have ANY hips, butt, or boobs. So my goal weight is near the top of the range for my height, and once I get there I will re-evaluate how I feel about my body. Heck, if I get to a weight that is a little more than my goal weight, and don't feel like I need to lose more, I'll stop there as long as I'm in the recommended weight for my height and have a healthy BMI. My goals are all about making this a healthy lifestyle, and not necessarily what it says on the scale or dress tag.

    ETA: In fact, I love what I just wrote so much, I just added it to my goals section in my profile, lol.
  • demetria423
    demetria423 Posts: 25 Member
    Thanks everyone ! I will definitely have to see what size frame I have.
  • zbmb30
    zbmb30 Posts: 177 Member
    You're frame does have something to do with what size you will be in a way. I have what my brother always told me was an athletic build. I am never going to be skinny. I will probably never be a size 4. I don't think I was meant to be really small. It doesn't mean that I can't get to a healthy weight. All the girls in my family are pretty curvey, and not in a bad way. I like having curves. To be honest, most guys that I know like curvy, not rail thin.

    Try not get discouraged. Aim to just try and be healthy. Try to eat healthy and try to do some exercise. If you change your mindset, then you might surprise yourself. That's kind of how I've been lately, and it helps.
  • MiniMichelle
    MiniMichelle Posts: 801 Member
    Get rid of the self-defeating mentality, and get to work. You CAN do this.

    This is an amazing comment!!! I needed to read this :)
  • LaTee21
    LaTee21 Posts: 37 Member
    I completely understand and honestly it's easy to let your mind go there because you're looking up at the hill. I think it's normal to question if you can climb it. I know at times to keep myself going I’ll try to envision myself thin but the image never quite comes out right. I think the beauty of this site is that I’m seeing stories of folks who started their journey this time last year or early last year and the progress they have made. It gives me hope. The reality is… this takes time and it’s a mental game. Beyond making up your mind you have to believe you can do it. Obviously within reason. You have to believe. As quoted by Susan Taylor, "Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us." :happy:
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    Today I posted a blog post about loving yourself, and being bluntly honest with myself. I'm considered obese, I have 7lbs before I'm considered over weight. You have to keep pushing yourself. Set short term goals but have your ultimate goal. You can do it! It has to be a commitment or you won't stick to it. Stop focusing on what everyone else is doing and focus on what you are doing. I see you've lost 73lbs, hey that is fabulous, not a whole lot of people can say that. Focus on yourself, don't strive to look like someone else, try to look like a healthier you. You got this!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    My goal isn't to be thin. It's to be healthy, feel comfortable in my body, and to have an active lifestyle that keeps me in shape. I don't WANT to be thin. I think curves are sexy and I definitely don't want to get to a point where I don't have ANY hips, butt, or boobs. So my goal weight is near the top of the range for my height, and once I get there I will re-evaluate how I feel about my body. Heck, if I get to a weight that is a little more than my goal weight, and don't feel like I need to lose more, I'll stop there as long as I'm in the recommended weight for my height and have a healthy BMI. My goals are all about making this a healthy lifestyle, and not necessarily what it says on the scale or dress tag.

    ETA: In fact, I love what I just wrote so much, I just added it to my goals section in my profile, lol.

    I love what you wrote too as this is my exact thinking about getting to goal. I have a number in mind but also know I can get that number and be solid or be that number and be flabby or "skinny fat". It's not all about the weight IMHO, it's about getting fit and healthy!
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    Maybe not thin, but you can be fit and healthy. Get to work.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    You fail because you consider the method of losing weight as "dieting".

    Exercise, lift weights, eat healthy then let what happens, happen.
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
    For many of us, half the battle of becoming healthy is mental. We have crappy body images, warped perceptions of normal and struggle with delays in gratification. You are a work in progress, and as long as you are working at it every day, where you finally end up may just surprise you.

    Live your best today. Eat the healthiest food you can (but not too much of it!) and get some exercise. Drink your water. Pay attention to your nutrition, and then look in the mirror and recognize that the person you see is who you are TODAY, and accept that for today, you are okay just the way you are. Don't look too far down the road, other than setting goals - the process of becoming fit and healthy requires TIME and dedication.
  • jilleebean777
    jilleebean777 Posts: 219 Member
    It is SO crazy that you posted this! I just did a blog about it! I am in the same boat with you. I feel that I can't picture myself there. I want to, but its scary to think, and it's also seeming like its SO far away.

    This is a "one day at a time" journey. We CAN do this!!
  • jilleebean777
    jilleebean777 Posts: 219 Member
    Check your frame size. I can't remember the details, but google it, it has to do with measuring your wrist size with your thumb and pointer finger. Ideal weight is based on your frame among many other things. Knowing this can help ease your troubles.

    I have wide shoulders and a wide rib cage so I'll never have that small look, but you still CAN be thin. I have some friends that are small above the waist but have giant hips so they'll never fit into a size 4 ever, even if they wear an extra small shirt.

    Here is a site that might help: http://www.icb2001.com/What_You_Should_Weigh.asp

    Thank you for posting this, it REALLY helped!!
  • dana1016
    dana1016 Posts: 1
    I'm the same way. I finally got another Thyroid test to find out it is NOT workingp properly so they put me on medication and I've gained 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks after doing cardio 60 minutes/day for at least 4 days a week. Some weeks 5 days some 6. I've been doing this for 14 weeks and lost 5 pounds then gained 3 back with the medication! It is so discouraging.
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
    This is the site I used to calculate my healthy weight range ... which (surprise!) is at least 20 lbs heaver than I thought it would be:

    http://www.healthcentral.com/diet-exercise/ideal-body-weight-3146-143.html

    Note that this site gives you a range, not a single number you're shooting for (let me guess: most of us are going to want to hit the lower number). Like others above, I view this as a lifestyle change rather than a "diet" ... it's about feeling good and being healthy, rather than looking good or fitting some preconceived notion of how I should look or what size clothes I should wear ... I weigh myself about once a month because I don't want to get obsessive about numbers (which I know I will do if I weigh myself daily).
  • katatak1
    katatak1 Posts: 261 Member
    Quick and simple trick to determine your frame size. There are three frame sizes: small, normal, and large. Wrap your thumb and middle finger around your wrist at the smallest point.

    If your fingers overlap, your frame is small
    If your fingers touch but do not overlap, your frame is normal
    If your fingers do not touch at all, your frame is large

    I have a large frame, and so I could never be healthy within the "healthy BMI range." My nutritionist at work measured my body fat, and at 5'3 I have 122 pounds of lean mass. She recommended a weight of 160 pounds! That's well above the suggestions from my BMI. I think it's safe to go down to 155 or 150, but if I were to drop to 140 and keep all that muscle (which I intend to), I'd be underweight.

    The number on a scale is just that- a number. Don't focus on being thin, focus on being healthy! Keep that as your goal and work on that and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
    Get rid of the self-defeating mentality, and get to work. You CAN do this.
    What he said. Stop with the rationalizations, and get on with the plan, and stick to it. You CAN do this. You seem to be trying to find a way to let yourself off the hook, before you have even begun. The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step. Good Luck.
  • vingogly
    vingogly Posts: 1,785 Member
    Quick and simple trick to determine your frame size. There are three frame sizes: small, normal, and large. Wrap your thumb and middle finger around your wrist at the smallest point.

    If your fingers overlap, your frame is small
    If your fingers touch but do not overlap, your frame is normal
    If your fingers do not touch at all, your frame is large

    That's how the target weight calculation works on the site I linked to.
  • bhalter
    bhalter Posts: 582 Member
    This is the site I used to calculate my healthy weight range ... which (surprise!) is at least 20 lbs heaver than I thought it would be:

    http://www.healthcentral.com/diet-exercise/ideal-body-weight-3146-143.html

    Note that this site gives you a range, not a single number you're shooting for (let me guess: most of us are going to want to hit the lower number). Like others above, I view this as a lifestyle change rather than a "diet" ... it's about feeling good and being healthy, rather than looking good or fitting some preconceived notion of how I should look or what size clothes I should wear ... I weigh myself about once a month because I don't want to get obsessive about numbers (which I know I will do if I weigh myself daily).

    Oh wow, thanks for the site! It's actually saying my goal weight is at the lower end and I'm only 51 pounds overweight. (Which I had said in a previous post that while I have a "goal weight," if I feel good about myself before I get there, I'll stop, because I don't care about the numbers.) And I definitely agree with your post - for me, this is a lifestyle change. When people see me counting calories, etc, and ask if I'm on a diet, I tell them no, I'm just trying to eat healthy and develop better eating habits. I weigh myself once a week for a group weight loss challenge I'm a part of with my friends, but I don't allow myself to get on the scale except for Wednesday mornings. It's nice to see the numbers change, but I want to see my body and attitude change more.
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