Over weight Friend

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2PRETTY2BEFAT
2PRETTY2BEFAT Posts: 17 Member
in Introduce Yourself
How do I motivate my overweight best friend to join this site and to start working out? She complains EVERYDAY about being over weight, which I believe she's about 240lbs. I'm tired of seeing her seating down at the club people watching instead of socializing. I sent her a link to her email about this site to try and motivate her, I even offered her to come to my gym at my job if she doesn't wanna be around a lot of ppl to work out. Should I just worry about my self? or is there something else I can do to motivate her?.

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  • losethechalupa
    losethechalupa Posts: 51 Member
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    As you know weight loss is a personal journey and she has to be willing to take the first step. You have extended yourself and now its up to her . Good luck!
  • monalissanne
    monalissanne Posts: 159 Member
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    I think you should just set a good example for your friend. If she sees your progress she might want to join you, but if you give her unsolicited advice she might end up resenting you for it. Even if she complains everyday about being overweight, she may not be ready to change her lifestyle. We all gain and lose differently and have different health problems that affect that progress. Being a living example will motivate her without making her think that you don't accept her for the way she is.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Tell here that it's a marathon and not a sprint. Start SLOW. I mean REAL slow. If she starts out too fast or alters her diet too much, she will quit.

    All she has to do is join the site and log her foods honestly and carefully. That's it. Nothing else for now.

    The next step is to go for a long walk/hike. You two can chit chat while doing it. She won't even notice she's working out.

    Next would be to pick ONE meal from her day and make a decent subsitution. Leave all the other meals alone. that should be a 300-400 calorie cut right there.

    Cobmining both the cardio and diet changes, that should be close to 600 calories cut on any given day.
  • 2PRETTY2BEFAT
    2PRETTY2BEFAT Posts: 17 Member
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    @monalissanne, Great advice. Than You!
  • tigertown11
    tigertown11 Posts: 310
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    since she doesn't want to be in public, maybe you could do some simple exercises with her at her home or yours. netflix has the 10 min Solution videos. Or have a meal with her everyday or so to show her what you eat. She might become motivated.
  • sandlerlover
    sandlerlover Posts: 96 Member
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    I agree with the "be an example" my mom is seeing my progress and is showing interest but I only talk about it if she asks or brings it up.
  • Hornet4Life
    Hornet4Life Posts: 47
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    Well it seems like your being a great friend but as most have heard before, "you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped." You can only do so much for her; be her support & motivator but it totally up to her to put in the work much less decide to change her lifestyle. I would drop subtle hints and if she doesn't pick up on it then just let it go. And when she does complain just be straight with her and be like Ive tried and you know I'm here but if you aren't going to help yourself you need to stop complaining.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Go slow. Ask her how long she thinks she's been over weight. 5 years? 10 years? Tell here that even a few hundred calorie difference per day could allow her to start SLOWLY losing weight. Even if she only averages 1lb every month. That's 12 lbs per year, 24lbs in two years.
  • KCrandi
    KCrandi Posts: 125 Member
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    Ask her to go to the gym with you as support? I always like going better with a buddy.
  • Tunia85
    Tunia85 Posts: 212 Member
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    I wish I knew! My sister has the same problem and I wish she would take my cue. I think it has to start from within. Maybe after she sees your results she'll want to change too? I don't know how we can push our loved ones to take care of themselves unless they start WANTING it. Best advice I can give is to have a honest talk, tell her how much better she would look if she shed a couple of pounds, also that you are worried about her! Be honest and the rest is up to her... and a real friend won't mind the criticism..
  • 2PRETTY2BEFAT
    2PRETTY2BEFAT Posts: 17 Member
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    @Hornet4life, OMG I'm so at the point where I wanna tell her stop complaining and get up! I don't know how many times I've offered to walk or go to the gym with her. I think I'm just gonna have to show her that weight loss is possible. We live in San Diego, so being outside or going to the beach is a daily thing.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    I think waiting until you are too far along won't encourage her, it would discourage her. ie.. she might not feel she can "catch up"
  • Hola723
    Hola723 Posts: 159 Member
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    As you know weight loss is a personal journey and she has to be willing to take the first step. You have extended yourself and now its up to her . Good luck!
    [/quote

    This.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    I too have a over weight friend that talks about how unhappy she is about her weight all the time. She always on some fad diet or another. And although she asks for my advice, she rejects anything I have to offer. She just wants a quick fix and is not yet ready to admit it's a slow and steady journey. So it's my experience that - unless they are willing to change themselves there is nothing you can do to help them. I sent her the link to this website to....she has yet to join.
  • monalissanne
    monalissanne Posts: 159 Member
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    Thank you! My best friend makes it really hard to be happy for her progress because her attitude is that she's doing X and getting Y result and, therefore, so should I (plus 99% of her FB updates are about how far she ran and how hot she thinks she looks - so she's not helping herself there either). I'm 31, and she's 20 something. I have hypothyroidism, and she has a clean bill of health. I'm almost 6 feet tall, and she's barely 5 feet tall. Our workouts, diets, and progress are not going to be the same - and they shouldn't be.
  • 2PRETTY2BEFAT
    2PRETTY2BEFAT Posts: 17 Member
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    She wants to get the lap band, but idk how risky it is? I honestly think if she dedicated 1 year to working out like I'm doing, she can achieve success. I feel as if I need to distance myself from her for a while because she so gloomy and I'm looking towards the future.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
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    It's really up to her... If she's not ready you can't force her.
    You can only give her information and it's up to her to use it or not.

    But what got my but moving when 30 lbs seemed impossible.
    A friend got tired of hearing me whine about my weight and said:
    "Just lose the first five lbs."
    I was ready and that gave me just the push I needed to move.

    When at the end of the day I click the "Complete this Entry" button at the bottom of the page and it said "if every day is like to day in 5 weeks you'll weigh XXX lbs." I would think can I do this for 5 more weeks? And once I figured out how to give myself a range the answer was usually yes.

    So 5 lbs at a time I got to my goal. When you've got a lot a weight to lose is can get overwhelming. When It comes down to brass tacks I've only got 1 lb to lose... the next one.

    Click on the link below and scroll down to my entree tif you/she wants to see the long version of how I started:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/400702-i-want-to-change-my-eating-habit-but-don-t-want-to-feel-like?error_user_id=2131607&error_username=auntiebabs&page=3
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    Lap band = easy way out (in THIS case).

    She doesn't realize that she has to alter her diet even if she gets lap band surgery.
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    Sounds like she's scared. Why don't you start small - ask her to go walking with you. Ask her what you can do to help motivate her. Explain that you're worried about her health. But, only do it once - if you push, she may close up. People need to personally decide they're going to do this- otherwise, no amount of support or motivation on your end is going to work.
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
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    Ask her to go to the gym with you as support? I always like going better with a buddy.

    OMG Genius.... If you ask her for help instead of offering help, she gets to feel important and kind and helpful instead of feeling less than. Trick her into feeling good about herself. Who doesn't want to feel like they have something to offer.

    Set small attainable goals and then she'll feel good about being capable too!

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