Needed to get this off my chest
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dreambig_gohome
Posts: 194 Member
"So after putting everything into my fitness calorie counter, and being brutally honest about it all, I ended up with some 1900 calories…Whether that’s an honest over-estimation on my part doesn’t matter. What matters is I have a guilt so crushing it’s insane. I’m at the point where I want to turn around and wish today had never happened….over FOOD. That’s right. FOOD.
What kills me is that I’d normally have eaten today’s meals without a second thought, but now that I’m hyper aware of the cost of eating like this, I can’t always handle the weight of the guilt I heap on my head when I fail so miserably. Because every single day to me feels like my entire weight loss balances on this thin point, and one single mistake will negate any progress I’ve ever made. Logically I know this is probably pretty silly….Even though I ate 1900 calories doesn’t mean all of it is absorbed and converted to fat. But to me, the extremity of the situation is larger than I know how to handle.
One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. I’m trying super hard to let go of my extreme anxiety over this. I don’t EVER want to go back to being the person I was before….but I also don’t know how to handle the person I’m becoming…the person who weighs every food choice now on a good or bad scale. Everything has a cost these days, and the cost of today was not worth the gratification. Lesson learned. I now feel literally sick to my stomach, but the extreme measures would be worse than one binge day. I wasn’t in control today, and it upsets me for thinking I could handle my food cravings. I’m trying desperately hard to fight my impulse to punish myself, but I’m not so sure I’ll succeed. When I have guilt like this, it’s bigger than I can handle by myself."
What kills me is that I’d normally have eaten today’s meals without a second thought, but now that I’m hyper aware of the cost of eating like this, I can’t always handle the weight of the guilt I heap on my head when I fail so miserably. Because every single day to me feels like my entire weight loss balances on this thin point, and one single mistake will negate any progress I’ve ever made. Logically I know this is probably pretty silly….Even though I ate 1900 calories doesn’t mean all of it is absorbed and converted to fat. But to me, the extremity of the situation is larger than I know how to handle.
One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. I’m trying super hard to let go of my extreme anxiety over this. I don’t EVER want to go back to being the person I was before….but I also don’t know how to handle the person I’m becoming…the person who weighs every food choice now on a good or bad scale. Everything has a cost these days, and the cost of today was not worth the gratification. Lesson learned. I now feel literally sick to my stomach, but the extreme measures would be worse than one binge day. I wasn’t in control today, and it upsets me for thinking I could handle my food cravings. I’m trying desperately hard to fight my impulse to punish myself, but I’m not so sure I’ll succeed. When I have guilt like this, it’s bigger than I can handle by myself."
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Replies
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You were aware and admitted it. Leave it at that. It's like scolding a child that really knows they did wrong and is sorry.........piling on the guilt won't help. What should happen now is that you use it a reference as to knowing how you will feel if you do it again or unintentionally may want to.
You can have a bad day, a bad week and even a bad month, but if you're consistent you'll never have a bad year.
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
"So after putting everything into my fitness calorie counter, and being brutally honest about it all, I ended up with some 1900 calories…Whether that’s an honest over-estimation on my part doesn’t matter. What matters is I have a guilt so crushing it’s insane. I’m at the point where I want to turn around and wish today had never happened….over FOOD. That’s right. FOOD.
What kills me is that I’d normally have eaten today’s meals without a second thought, but now that I’m hyper aware of the cost of eating like this, I can’t always handle the weight of the guilt I heap on my head when I fail so miserably. Because every single day to me feels like my entire weight loss balances on this thin point, and one single mistake will negate any progress I’ve ever made. Logically I know this is probably pretty silly….Even though I ate 1900 calories doesn’t mean all of it is absorbed and converted to fat. But to me, the extremity of the situation is larger than I know how to handle.
One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. I’m trying super hard to let go of my extreme anxiety over this. I don’t EVER want to go back to being the person I was before….but I also don’t know how to handle the person I’m becoming…the person who weighs every food choice now on a good or bad scale. Everything has a cost these days, and the cost of today was not worth the gratification. Lesson learned. I now feel literally sick to my stomach, but the extreme measures would be worse than one binge day. I wasn’t in control today, and it upsets me for thinking I could handle my food cravings. I’m trying desperately hard to fight my impulse to punish myself, but I’m not so sure I’ll succeed. When I have guilt like this, it’s bigger than I can handle by myself."
Angel,
Is there any chance you have just changed one addiction to the other??? You know deep down one day is not going to effect you but I hear that your fear is one day leads into another and another...You have to have faith in yourself sweetie....You have to have faith that you have learnt enough to not ever go back.....
guilt will make you eat..it is your brains way of trying to protect you but it isn't protecting you it is making you think you are failing...guilt is a waste of an emotion you can never get today back and at 1900 calories it was not a bad day......hugs...0 -
"So after putting everything into my fitness calorie counter, and being brutally honest about it all, I ended up with some 1900 calories…Whether that’s an honest over-estimation on my part doesn’t matter. What matters is I have a guilt so crushing it’s insane. I’m at the point where I want to turn around and wish today had never happened….over FOOD. That’s right. FOOD.
What kills me is that I’d normally have eaten today’s meals without a second thought, but now that I’m hyper aware of the cost of eating like this, I can’t always handle the weight of the guilt I heap on my head when I fail so miserably. Because every single day to me feels like my entire weight loss balances on this thin point, and one single mistake will negate any progress I’ve ever made. Logically I know this is probably pretty silly….Even though I ate 1900 calories doesn’t mean all of it is absorbed and converted to fat. But to me, the extremity of the situation is larger than I know how to handle.
One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. One day will not kill me. I’m trying super hard to let go of my extreme anxiety over this. I don’t EVER want to go back to being the person I was before….but I also don’t know how to handle the person I’m becoming…the person who weighs every food choice now on a good or bad scale. Everything has a cost these days, and the cost of today was not worth the gratification. Lesson learned. I now feel literally sick to my stomach, but the extreme measures would be worse than one binge day. I wasn’t in control today, and it upsets me for thinking I could handle my food cravings. I’m trying desperately hard to fight my impulse to punish myself, but I’m not so sure I’ll succeed. When I have guilt like this, it’s bigger than I can handle by myself."
Angel,
Is there any chance you have just changed one addiction to the other??? You know deep down one day is not going to effect you but I hear that your fear is one day leads into another and another...You have to have faith in yourself sweetie....You have to have faith that you have learnt enough to not ever go back.....
guilt will make you eat..it is your brains way of trying to protect you but it isn't protecting you it is making you think you are failing...guilt is a waste of an emotion you can never get today back and at 1900 calories it was not a bad day......hugs...0 -
Don't worry! You don't get skinny in one day, and you sure don't get fat in one day. Just lower your calories by 100 or so for the next few days and all will be averaged out in the end! Plus, you are mixing things up, right? So that's good!0
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The holidays are brutal. There is amazing temptation everywhere, and it's not at all abnormal to feel exactly how you feel, or to do what you did. Today is over, and what's done is done. Tomorrow is a new day. Start fresh and make it a good one. Move forward and don't look back.0
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Really? You're upset about going over... at 1900 calories? Go for a run or something! Burn a little, you'll feel better. That's what I do. I try to work out in the mornings because then I can budget my calories better, & have less guilt over eating the deep-fried fish at the restaurant (with mashed potato instead of fries), or the pork roast my boyfriend made (with club-house gravy, not pork gravy). It's a lifestyle thing, & if what you're doing is not sustainable, you'll never make it. You'll yo-yo. You have to at least give yourself SOMETHING.0
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really? one day? get over it.0
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Forgive yourself. If I could go back in time twenty years to give young me advice, it would be to forgive myself for not being perfect, but to do the best I can. I really messed myself up by giving up on me when I "failed". (I use quotation marks because I can see now that I actually didn't fail until I gave up.) Forgive yourself, and start fresh tomorrow.0
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Wow, some people need to put aside their own issues and be supportive on this, you know, "motivation and support" blog. But like other people have said, try not to worry about it. I'm in your shoes right now--finals week plus my boyfriend being here is a bad combination--but it is completely normal to slide every now and again. Just try to start tomorrow as a brand new day and leave today's worries behind. Who knows, maybe today's extra calories will jump-start your metabolism?
What's making me feel better right now is planning out some good meals for tomorrow and making time to go to the gym. I'm also seriously considering throwing away that bag of Doritos I completely pigged out on (Orrr not...I've still got 3 more finals, haha). 0
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