Feelings About Dating?

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sc1572
sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm 19, currently a sophomore in college. Unlike most students I know, partying and drinking are not part of my life. However, neither is dating.

I find that the older I get, the less I want what I always dreamed of...marry, have a big wedding, live in a house, start a family, etc. Sometimes, I wish I had someone, but other times I just love being by myself.

I don't know if it's because I grew up with divorced parents or if it's just me, but I've only dated a couple of times between high school and college, and the longest was a little over a month. I seem to make it where everytime a guy is interested in me, all of sudden I try to find something wrong with him, or make an excuse not to go along with it and see where it could lead. Sometimes, I've been happy to break things off, but other times, I wish I had given the guy a chance.

I know for sure one reason I'm currently not into dating is because I really am too busy for it. As a student, I put a lot of effort into my studies, and am focusing on my health, and training for my first half marathon. I get stressed out easily, so I see dating as an added stress. Another reason is because I look too far into the future. I also think, in some ways, it's because I'm afraid to lose who I am...if that makes sense. I'm someone who hates depending on others, and I feel like if I were to get involved with someone, all of a sudden all I've worked for or the person I am will go to waste or change. I think with most relationships I've witnessed, there always seems to be more negative than positive, so I try to stray away from it.

I know this might all sound weird...but I just had to get it off my chest, and MFP is a place I can always find support. I'm not saying that I don't ever want to date anyone, but honestly, as of now, it's just not on top priorities list. It just gets frustrating when friends and family ask me why I'm not dating anyone, and being at a school where it seems like people are constantly seeing someone. Do any of you experience this, or have any of you ever in the past?

Replies

  • BeSkinnyBeStrong
    BeSkinnyBeStrong Posts: 33
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    You are describing my life.

    I find that I don't have time for all that fooling around anymore. I don't want to waste 2-3 years with someone that will just end up hurting me when I could have spent those years travelling or focusing on myself and my job.
  • Ksnoddy87
    Ksnoddy87 Posts: 121
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    Coming from a soon to be divorcee, take your time. You're young, ambitious, and have plenty of time to think about a significant other. I wish I had your mindset when I was 19....all I wanted was a fairy wedding and the perfect husband. Keep that mindset until you know you are ready to settle down. And when you do make sure it's at a point where you know 100% you are ready for the commitment and the work that has to be put into the relationship. Until then, enjoy your life girl. Travel, see the world! Accomplish your dreams! A relationship is so stressful and you rarely have time to think of yourself. You're so preoccupied with making sure everything works with your significant other! But you're not wrong for feeling the way you do. It's actually smart that you're on the path you're on!
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
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    I thihk dating can open your horizons...but my wife frowns on it :bigsmile:

    Keep trying, but don't try so hard. Not every relationship has to lead to forever. As in your travels, you visit a foreign land, get to experience the people and culture, and then you come home. It can be the same with dating. And you will be a richer individual for all the life experiences you will have.
  • FitBritt24
    FitBritt24 Posts: 16
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    I know exactly what you mean. Especially being in college and surrounded by people that seem to have such different priorities...and with the whole finding flaws in people you are dating just to sort of push them away...I am VERY familiar with this tactic haha...but it sounds like you have a lot of positive things you are doing so don't feel weird because you aren't dying to include someone in them. This time is all about finding yourself and those are exactly the things you should be doing. Once you get further in this journey and learn more and more things about yourself you will eventually come to the point where you know exactly who you are and exactly what you want. Until then just be happy being you and don't worry about how other people want to categorize you or compare your life to theirs. Also, another thing I personally have found to be helpful because I am also someone who gets stressed easily and deals with anxiety issues..I have been working for awhile to control those to not only make day-to-day things easier but to be able to even handle dating sometime down the road when I feel I am ready, so I don't let something good pass me by because I reverted back to distancing myself from them...hope that helps in some way!
  • karinaes
    karinaes Posts: 570 Member
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    i love dating!! i'm 23.. however i have a bf now so i don't do it (we love each other) lol i'm a full time Civil Engineering student and work part time.. as well as him. (at different schools!) .. it's easier if you and the other person share similar goals and are on the same page about most things.
    but, i can't say that i understand because i have never been the one to dream of a wedding and i don't want kids.
    the only advice i could give is to not worry about it.. you are sssooo young with a long life of love ahead of you. just have fun.
  • ilovemyhorse
    ilovemyhorse Posts: 87
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    I'm 19 and I've been in a relationship for 14 months. He's my biggest support in my weight loss. Always working out with me, and trying my meals and cooks me healthy meals too. He's never pressured me to lose weight. He's behind my decision. I have depression, anxiety and bipolar and I can be kind of *****y sometimes but he's never left my side. I think you have to find someone who is going to always be there. You're young and you have plenty of time to find your guy. Just don't give up on dating, because you might miss out on something great
  • karinaes
    karinaes Posts: 570 Member
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    I'm afraid to lose who I am...if that makes sense. I'm someone who hates depending on others, and I feel like if I were to get involved with someone, all of a sudden all I've worked for or the person I am will go to waste or change. I think with most relationships I've witnessed, there always seems to be more negative than positive, so I try to stray away from it.
    if you're afraid of losing yourself.. you won't lose yourself.

    i don't know you or the people around you but it may seem that the relationships you see going in a negative direction is because you are young and these maybe your friends who are also really young.. it's just experiencing and getting to know what they like and don't like, they are just growing
  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
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    The good news is you're 19, so you have a while to figure this out. Focus on what's important to you now, such as your schooling and your fitness. If you meet someone you have a strong connection with, I think you should explore that. But at your age, you have plenty of time to worry about relationships later.

    And if you keep finding our later in life that you don't have a desire to be in a relationship with someone of either gender, then that's alright too. Believe it or not, there's a sexuality called asexuality, which is estimated to be prevalent in about 1% of the population.

    The most important thing is to take your time figuring yourself out, and to not let it stress you out too much. Eventually, things will figure themselves out on their own timetable.
  • Moeincognito
    Moeincognito Posts: 126
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    I know that pain~ especially the whole figuring ways to get rid of someone who likes you~ normally I find it ridiculous someone would like and just fob it off to being a prank and stuff~ but everyone is right~ you have plenty of time to find someone~ when the time is right someone will happen by and it'll be wonderful!!!
  • paxetamore
    paxetamore Posts: 399 Member
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    Ok, so maybe the last thing you want is mom-type advice, but since you asked...

    You are one smart girl! To even be contemplating all that about what you want, what others want for you, etc, etc, etc... At your age, there is soooo much to see and do and experience in life. Plenty of time for a partner down the road if you find someone worthy, or not. Meanwhile have a great time being you, in college with lots of new ideas. It's a good frame of mind according to my 20 y/o daughter away at school.

    Best to you on your life journey :smile:

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