A touchy topic

aeneadelacroix
aeneadelacroix Posts: 22
edited October 2024 in Motivation and Support
I've noticed over the last few months that my fiancé and I are not as fit or healthy as we used to be - and that we've both put on weight as a result. I've been trying to turn things around, with a few bumpy patches, but I'm starting to also be worried about my fiancé. If I had to guess, I'd say he's gained about 10-15kg, none of his old clothes fit and even newer ones look tight. But he seems to have no idea, and still has terrible eating habits (like eating an entire 200g packet of chips as a "snack"). I would really like him to make the effort as well, especially since he used to be really fit and never ate junk food when I met him - so I feel like my terrible habits have rubbed off!

It's gotten to the point where I'm not as attracted to him physically as I used to be, but I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings. I've tried finding ways to mention that I'm worried about his weight gain but he just says that he isn't fat, gets upset and says that I shouldn't tell him what to eat/do. I just want us both to eat healthier and do more exercise, so we can be more like we used to be before this sedentary stupor set it, but I'm finding it really hard to get through to him.

Any advice? Anyone been in a similar situation?

Replies

  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    I wouldn't hassle him about it. Getting on the wagon is something that people are intrinsically motivated to do. He'll do something about it when he's ready.

    Now if he gets morbidly obese then it's time to intervene.
  • Mama_CAEI
    Mama_CAEI Posts: 235
    It has to come from him. You can't nag him into it...that will never work. My husband saw my success and just decided on his own to start eating better and exercising more and he ended up losing 35 lbs alongside me. Just today we were looking at pictures from January of this year and he commented on how big we had both gotten. Now we're a lot leaner and healthier, and as a result, happier.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Everyone seems to want to give weight loss a go for a new year. In about a week, I bet he'll suggest it himself.
  • sarah307
    sarah307 Posts: 1,363 Member
    just do it for you... eat healthier and do fun workouts.. I think he will see you putting in the effort and your dedication and be motivated himself!
  • learn24
    learn24 Posts: 13
    try to understand that his will is not where yours is, and maybe if you continue doing the right things he'll eventually enline himself with you, or make things so difficult, emotionally, that separationwill be the only resolve
    in either case don't STOP WHAT YOU"RE DOING NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!
  • Heidi64
    Heidi64 Posts: 211 Member
    Keep changing your habits. Eat healthier and do physical activities that are fun. Suggest weekend trips to sight see where you have to walk or hike. While on the road, pack healthy snacks. If he wants to stop at a fast food place, tell him that the food there has been upsetting your tummy lately, or you read something negative about their cooking practice and suggest someplace nicer or at least a little healthier. Invite him to bike ride, skate, ski, whatever with you. He'll start noticing a difference in how he feels. If he balks at doing these activities, then you have two problems. 1. He isn't willing to be active and 2. He isn't willing to spend time with you. You have to get out and live your life. If he cares, he'll jump on the wagon. If he doesn't then it's time for you to evaluate the relationship.
  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 410 Member
    Sounds like he's got something bothering him - maybe if you could find out what that is, you could help him with whatever it is and the eating healthier will come along as a bi-product!
  • justsummie
    justsummie Posts: 320 Member
    Last year I wanted my husband to get on board the fitness train with me. I found MFP and liked it so much I made him an account...within a month he was addicted and really started to put forth an effort.
  • KarmaxKitty
    KarmaxKitty Posts: 901 Member
    I had something similar myself. We started gaining weight together and not only did I find MYSELF less physically attractive, but also my partner (on a MUCH LESSER DEGREE let me add)... We both had no energy, and that's one of the main things that attracted me to him. It's not that I stopped being attracted to HIM, just that one or two aspects of it. I kept on with my efforts to get healthy and eventually he started right on along. If you two are as in sync as it sounds, most of the time that's what usually happens. (Hasn't happened to just me and my guy, but other couples as well!)

    ETA: I just flat out told him that I was worried about his weight, ESPECIALLY after we had a horrible scare with him getting these random chest pains and it seemed like he was about to stop breathing. It scares me to think that he could be gone in a second from something so controllable...
  • chiera88
    chiera88 Posts: 155
    thanks for posting this! i have the same problem except his bad eating habits had rubbed off on me. he also has gone back and forth gaining and losing weight before we dated so i know he's capable to lose again... i'm glad to have read the other responses and know that i cannot push him, i just have to wait it out, set an example and try to get him to do light activities with me without seeming like exercise.

    i can't imagine how much more attracted i'd be to him smaller lol :love:
  • amuchison
    amuchison Posts: 274 Member
    I was in the same situation except my hubby is physically fit and I have never been really..smaller yes..but never physically fit...we have been married 3 yrs as of Dec 22,2011 and I had always complained about my weight from time to time and my husband always said when u r ready u will do it I love u no matter what I didn't marry u for your size but I do want u to be healthy...and so after hearing that for almost 2 yrs I finally got fed up with myself and decided I only i..ME...wanted to make a change and I did Aug 20,2011 now this Christmas I am almost 60lbs lighter than last Christmas..happier with. Myself and love my husband even more for supporting me and loving me and not judging me...

    U may be fit now but remember u weren't always u gained the weight too..so love him and support him and set your good example he will come to his own revelation in time..did u get with him becaUse of his size if so u need to re evaluate your prospects and your priorities because no relationship survives off vanity...
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    What if you wrote him a letter explaining your feelings. Don't give him advice, but say "I am worried about your health because..." and then maybe something like "I'd love to marry you and have children (if you don't don't say that obviously) and I'd like you to be around for many more years." Say it out of love.
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