motivation needed

Well the big day has been and gone, am so glad of that.

i havent been on lately as i was in hospital for a few days. Silly me thought that i'd be stupid and let everything that was happening in my life get to me and i tried to kill myself. I can talk about it now, especially now i realise how silly i was. i took an overdose of the new anti depressants i was on. Silly move cos i ended up being delierious, sleepy and thinking for some reason i was drinking salt instead of water. My partner found me and called for the ambulance who in turn said i refused to go to the two hospitals they recommended to take me too as i support doncaster rovers fc and the two hospitals were in the towns of our local rivals. in the end they took me to my local hospital where i was treated for the overdose and exhaustion. This no sleeping lark had caught up with me too. So now, i have new anti depressants, diazepam, sleeping tablets and some lovely medicine (that helps chill me out). Also have been referred to a dietition too.

So now, I am home, had a great day yesterday and have to phone my therapist every day to check in with her. My son came home on christmas eve with his pet goldfish so aptly named 'jaws' lol, and we told him what i did and why i have to phone the therapist every day. Since then he has beeen hugging me and telling me he loves me, which is very strange to hear these things from him as he has aspergers and struggles to show emotions. This in turn felt so wonderful for me and reduced me to a blubbering wreck.

Well, everyone apart from my partner, son and daughter bought me chocolates for xmas so i am gonna have one big pig out before 1st January and start my diet and healthy eating all from scratch. I have set myself a target of loosing at least 4 st in a year. I think this is a realistic target and anymore would be a bonus. The first start is walking, and i know tomorrow i am going to my son's place with him to help him back with all the clean clothes i have washed for him, and when i leave his place i have decided that i am going to walk the 4 mile from his place to the airport then get the bus into the town centre. It helps me to clear my head when i walk.

I have also been concentrating on my cross stitch and have started reading books again. Apart from now feeling tired and even sleeping in an afternoon now as well as at night i am actually starting to feel a little bit better, apart from last night when i was trying to talk to my partner who was drunk and i felt he wasn't listening so i banged my head on the wall and in turn have a massive bump and a headache to match.

My partner though now we have spoken properly has said he will help with my slimming and healthy eating as long as i help him stay off the booze and we have both said we will conquer all this in 2012.