Is this a bad idea?
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Reflecting on the last year or so, with some of the people in my life, I seem to be the only one that makes the effort to stay in touch. I'm thinking there is a message there. Going forward, I'm thinking that I should only continue to keep in contact those that respond in kind. Therefore, I'm thinking of leaving them alone until they contact me, if they choose to do so. If not, so be it. These thoughts were inspired by the following passage that my girlfriend keeps in her home office:
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won’t anymore…
And who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past,
there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
Do you think this is fair or too hard nosed? TIA Ciao, Marc
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,
Who never did,
Who won’t anymore…
And who always will.
So, don’t worry about people from your past,
there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
Do you think this is fair or too hard nosed? TIA Ciao, Marc
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Replies
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Nope! I am adopting the same kind of mindset, its been in the works for a while. I think it has the potential to veer into the dramatic, but I see no need to disrupt your daily life to include people who do not respond in kind. Surround yourself with people who contribute to your life!0
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I think it's pretty much true except for I would make some exceptions for family.0
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I think its a little hard hearted. But I will confess, I feel that way about more than a few people in my life right now. I believe myself to be a giver and have just run out of "give" towards people who are only takers. I don't like that about myself, but that is the way things are right now.0
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"A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime!"
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown0 -
I've been struggling with this thought in reference to my father. He remarried in 1997 and it seems that year after year he is less involved with my life. Now, I've tried over and over to include him in my life, but he chooses to take his wife's lead and visit all their children (my sister included) but me. I've been trying to be the bigger person and continue to reach out, but I have to tell you that after this past year of this, with nothing changing, I'm done. If he wants to talk to me, he'll call. If he wants to see me, he'll visit. I don't know what else to do and it hurts way too much for me and my children are hurting...they don't understand why Grampy doesn't love them like the other grandkids.
So, I understand where you're coming from and it's probably a person by person decision. I have others in my life that I'm not ready to give up on, just like I didn't give up on my dad for the last 15 years until now.0 -
I did this as a new year's resolution in 2011, and I have to say, it has made my life much less stressfull, and prevented quite a few heartaches. Go for it. If you don't like it, you can always change your mind and reach out to these people again.0
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"A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime!"
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
This is wonderful! I love this philosophy! I do not think you are being too hard. I would be a little more lenient with family, but even family are the ones who can screw you over the easiest because they are closest to your heart.0 -
i have adopted that for over a year now, even with my family, sister moved to aus 3 years ago and we didnt even speak on my birthday, sad but true0
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I don't think you're being too harsh. Being someone who always makes the time and effort for others can be physically and emotionally exhausting. A little selfishness is sometimes needed.
And who knows, maybe when they realise you're not making an effort, it will force them into action?
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
Good luck with this!0 -
No, it's not being hard-hearted. There comes a time when you realize that there are some books you may never read, some places you will never visit, and some people who will drift out of your life forever.
I think you will find that some of the people you now choose to set aside will make the effort to remain in touch, while others will not.
I choose to concentrate on the quality of the relationships in my life now, as it sounds like you have decided.0 -
"A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime!"
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Quite appropriate!! Thanx0 -
I've been struggling with this thought in reference to my father. He remarried in 1997 and it seems that year after year he is less involved with my life. Now, I've tried over and over to include him in my life, but he chooses to take his wife's lead and visit all their children (my sister included) but me. I've been trying to be the bigger person and continue to reach out, but I have to tell you that after this past year of this, with nothing changing, I'm done. If he wants to talk to me, he'll call. If he wants to see me, he'll visit. I don't know what else to do and it hurts way too much for me and my children are hurting...they don't understand why Grampy doesn't love them like the other grandkids.
So, I understand where you're coming from and it's probably a person by person decision. I have others in my life that I'm not ready to give up on, just like I didn't give up on my dad for the last 15 years until now.
Sounds pretty hurtful. My girlfriend's children and grandchildren are going through the same thing right now. That's why I spend as much time with her grandkids as I can.0 -
bump0
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"A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime!"
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown
Quite appropriate!! Thanx
I have followed this for a few years now, and it seems to make things easier!! It keeps me going to know that sometimes, people are only supposed to be around for a short time! and it makes me cherish those relationships that i know will be around for a lifetime!0 -
I probably take this too far to the extreme, in that I let everyone contact me or I make little effort to reach out to others. I'm not sure why it started, I think I just got disillusioned with constantly being the one who made effort, invited people round, organised events/outings, always being the leader of the group.
So now, I'm far less accommodating with people and if they don't make the effort, I don't. It can lead to some very short relationships, but means I have more time and energy to invest in ones that count.0 -
*shrug* I'm a pretty low-key friend. If I feel like my needs in a friendship aren't being met, I won't continue to try anymore. When they can be there for me, they are. My expectations are very low. Like I'd hope they're there for me in an emergency or life crisis.
This is something that one of them posted on FB last night:
"I love the friends that you may not keep in touch with as much as you'd like to but you both understand/respect each others lives and just pick up where you left off (hopefully laughing together). No pointing fingers...just enjoy the moment."
Pretty sure she's talking about me, as well as a few others since we've recently hung out after not hanging out for many many months.
What I'm saying is, do whatcha gotta do - if your needs in friendships aren't being met then, by all means, keep it movin'. But remember that people have lives, and sometimes you're not going to be much of a part of them. Let go quietly.0 -
I can totally sympathize, I have done that too. Sometimes people just kind of grow apart. Doesn't mean you care less about them, or they care less about you .. Just means your or their attention is elsewhere.
When and if you get together, you can still enjoy each others company. Life is complicated enough without added drama or guilt. Don't sweat the small stuff.0 -
I especially think the part about people from your past not making it to your future for a reason is so true. Through Facebook I have reconnected with some very old friends, 30+ years in the past. It was nice catching up for 5 minutes, but most of them definitelty do not fit into my life today - or they would have sought me out a long time ago!
I have newer "friends" that I am skeptical about, they talk talk talk about how much they love me, miss me, wanna hang out blah blah blah, but they make no effiort to follow through on that. They will not make it into my future for a reason.
I am thankful for the QUALITY people in my life, the ones who are "iron sharpening iron" and keep me on track spiritually. emotionally, health-fully. It might be nice on my birthday to have 50 superficial greetings from Facebook "friends", but I value my "core group" above all. Even the Lord Jesus, with all His followers, and His 12 chosen ones, had a core group of 3 that He was closest to! That's not a bad example to follow.0 -
I went through the same process last March. It is hard at first and you have to be prepared to let people go that were long term friends. I will still be pleasant to the people I run into, but I make no effort to be friends with people who don't put an effort. I can say it was the best thing I did because now the people in my life are there cause they truely want to be.0
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I think it's pretty much true except for I would make some exceptions for family.
It sucks when your family is one who doesn't make it to your future. Family is supposed to be forever. :-(0
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