Parents of ASD/other high needs kids?

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aymie24
aymie24 Posts: 227
in Health and Weight Loss
Our 22 month old daughter possibly has autism spectrum disorder. Her sensory issues are huge, though improvng with the current treatments we are using. She is very high functioning and there are questions as to if she truly has ASD. She has some characteristics but it's still unclear, probably partly because of her young age.

I've found myself having a REALLY hard time controlling my eating when I am with her. I think some of it is emotional eating, as I am having a tough time with the idea that she may have ASD and because it's SO hard to see my child struggle with things the way she does.

Part of it is that it's truly physically taxing to care for her at times. Tonight at her special needs playgroup she had an episode at the end of the session. She's 27 lb and it takes so much energy to hold her to keep her from destroying things and harming herself. She bangs her head into floors and walls leaving bruises if I don't catch her in time. She pulls her hair and pinches herself, and her screams alone are s gut wrenching, it just drains me. She throws toys and tries to knock over furniture. She's the youngest of four and I've never seen a child act like she does. It's not "typical terrible two" behavior, she's always been like this.

Anyway, by the time I have her calm, I just want a diet coke and a snickers bar, or something similar. Tonight I had a snack pack of almonds to try to ward off that craving. I cried for about ten minutes and then went into the kitchen and ate everything in sight. I hadn't had any diet coke in a day and a half and I've had about a liter since I've been home.

I really like I feel like I have my other emotional eating issues under control but this is just so much bigger than anything else, I really don't know how to get a handle on it. I'm going to try having a protein shake before playgroup tomorrow. Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone else care to share if they are having the same struggle?

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  • aymie24
    aymie24 Posts: 227
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    Our 22 month old daughter possibly has autism spectrum disorder. Her sensory issues are huge, though improvng with the current treatments we are using. She is very high functioning and there are questions as to if she truly has ASD. She has some characteristics but it's still unclear, probably partly because of her young age.

    I've found myself having a REALLY hard time controlling my eating when I am with her. I think some of it is emotional eating, as I am having a tough time with the idea that she may have ASD and because it's SO hard to see my child struggle with things the way she does.

    Part of it is that it's truly physically taxing to care for her at times. Tonight at her special needs playgroup she had an episode at the end of the session. She's 27 lb and it takes so much energy to hold her to keep her from destroying things and harming herself. She bangs her head into floors and walls leaving bruises if I don't catch her in time. She pulls her hair and pinches herself, and her screams alone are s gut wrenching, it just drains me. She throws toys and tries to knock over furniture. She's the youngest of four and I've never seen a child act like she does. It's not "typical terrible two" behavior, she's always been like this.

    Anyway, by the time I have her calm, I just want a diet coke and a snickers bar, or something similar. Tonight I had a snack pack of almonds to try to ward off that craving. I cried for about ten minutes and then went into the kitchen and ate everything in sight. I hadn't had any diet coke in a day and a half and I've had about a liter since I've been home.

    I really like I feel like I have my other emotional eating issues under control but this is just so much bigger than anything else, I really don't know how to get a handle on it. I'm going to try having a protein shake before playgroup tomorrow. Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone else care to share if they are having the same struggle?
  • Smiley1010
    Smiley1010 Posts: 82
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    I'm not a parent, but I am a special education teacher, and I couldn't let your topic go without a comment. Right now I have a class of 10, and 3 of them are on the autism spectrum, and all 3 are very different children. I have also heard from teachers and staff who have known them longer than I have that they have made lots of progress! They are third and fourth graders now, and a lot of their behaviors have improved. Please don't be discouraged by a label. If anything, it will get you and your daughter the support you need to keep moving forward.

    And as for the emotional eating, I think it's important that you're acknowledging the cause. The next step is to replace that negative behavior/coping mechanism with something else (chug water?). Or talk to someone about it and let out your emotions. Sometimes your daughter makes you feel like you are not in control - trust me, I feel the same way in my classroom sometimes, and it's very stressful. You need to do the best you can, but also give yourself credit for all that you are doing and have some time to yourself or with someone close to you to vent.

    Bri
  • rayemlls
    rayemlls Posts: 45
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    I have 5 boys and my youngest is autistic and is going to be 10 thursday...Its hard when your child is first diagnosed but it does get easier. The best thing you can do is have your child in early intervention preschool.That alone did wonders for my son. Also, educate yourself. Not every child with autism is the same. Every child is different. My son stopped talking when he was younger and now he talks non stop. I think hes making up for the years he wasnt verbal.With his diet and sensory issues it can be hard but I found the exercise has done wonders for my stress and anxiety. I have tried to get him to join me and sometimes we go for walks but anyways, I promise you, it will get better...
  • iRun4wine
    iRun4wine Posts: 5,126
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    I also am not a parent, but I am a certified teacher. Back when I was doing my student teaching and interning at an elementary school I was often assigned to work in the special education rooms with studnets that were severely autistic. It took everything out of me just to be in the room and keep the kids safe for the school day (never mind feed them lunch, get some lessons in, get everyone off to the gym, etc.) Last year, as a fifth grade teacher, I had a relatively high percentage of special education students in my class, and worked closely with them all. I was thrilled to see them ALL make wonderful progress, and in most cases, they were the sweetest children- the ones I still have very vivid, fond memories of.

    Currently, I am the Director of an After School Program with a high percentage of special education and special needs students (some of which have autism).

    Ironically, I was just speaking with one of my staff members this afternoon about how parents of special needs children deserve the world. Being a parent is not easy (I know because even having a career that focuses around children is not easy- and that's only 8 hours a day), and being a parent of a special needs student can bring a whole different set of challenges. I absolutely admire that amount of selfless time, devotion, blood, sweat, and tears that ALL parents, and especially parents of special needs children, put into their "jobs" as parents.

    Although I do not have any specific advice for you regarding eating, I just wanted to share my opinion (and a warm hug!:heart:). I have been trying lately to find what and when I eat that makes me feel full and leaves me content. I think I have finally found out what works for me, so although it's not excellent advice, I would say just keep experimenting with timing, types of foods, etc. and see if you can find something or some combination that helps.
  • NurseMisty
    NurseMisty Posts: 312 Member
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    Hi! My son is 2 1/2. He is on the spectrum. My weight ballooned in the last year. I know a lot of it was eating because I was stressed and bored. I didn't feel like I could take him anywhere, so all I did was sit and home and eat.

    I have turned this lifestyle into something that can help me. Instead of eating, I take a moment for myself. I make sure C is safe and take an extra long potty break or I've even plugged in my iPod when I couldn't take the sqealing/screaming anymore.

    My husband can even see an improvement in my whole being when I exercise. I can take C with me for a long walk, which he loves. But most of the time, I need alone time. I think that has helped with the eating.

    And cry...cry till you can't cry anymore. I rarely cry anymore. I just don't want to cry anymore. I needed to get it out of my system though. You can always PM if you like.

    We have no choice but to be strong. We have to be strong enough for ourselves and our kids, because we are all they have right now!
  • adopt4
    adopt4 Posts: 970 Member
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    You know the cause of your stress, now mentally, purposefully, change the reaction until it's second nature. When you're the mom of a special needs child, you have to take time for yourself.

    She is too young to fully diagnose, but it's good that you have help in guiding her already. A lot of the things she's doing - if sensory related - can and usually do fade or diminish over time. I have a kid with high sensory avoidance, he's 6 now, and except for a few eating textures he won't tolerate, you'd never know 3 years ago he was hell on wheels.

    First of all, you must fully realize and accept that you did nothing wrong to cause this problem in your child. Even if you "ate too much fish" while pregnant, or had her immunized.. whatever the potential cause, IT"S NOT YOUR FAULT. I think a lot of what you are feeling is guilt. Unless you beat your child, you've got nothing to feel guilty about.

    Secondly, realize that her behavior is the only way she knows to communicate to you and the world that she has a problem. As she gets better skilled in verbal communication styles, etc. it should help a lot. But this is her only method right now, and somehow you have to tune it out and try and help her thru it.

    She may be too young for this, but last year I got frustrated with my son's meltdowns when his toys didn't do what he wanted them to do. So I taught him to take a few deep breaths. For him, that worked. For her, find something soothing that will help her learn to self-soothe. Because these kids don't have self-soothing techniques, they have to be taught, unlike other kids.

    Third, you HAVE to give yourself breaks. The first year of his life my son screamed non stop 24/7. And he was LOUD. He would only stop occasionally to sleep, and then only if I was holding him in a certain position. So when hubby came home from work, I handed him the baby and was out the door. And sometimes, you just have to walk away. If you don't take care of YOUR mental and physical self, you will not be able to be the good mother you can be.

    Don't let this become an excuse as to why you don't eat right/are overweight, etc. It's not a reason, it's not an excuse - but it is a challenge.
  • dntcr42
    dntcr42 Posts: 1
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    Your post gave me a flashback of an episode my son had at 2! It was awful! My son was diagnosed with ADHD, I dont know a great deal about ASD, but I know how you feel. He had them occasionally (he's 7 now & things are a lot better). The other advise on here is excellent.

    It always helps me to call a friend to vent. Make sure you have someone you can talk to about your concerns & frustrations, its easy to feel alone.

    (I just read the post above mine & remembered, when my son was calmed down enough or before he reached the point of blow up, we'd blow bubbles together)
  • rayemlls
    rayemlls Posts: 45
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    OOOppppsssss:laugh:
  • rayemlls
    rayemlls Posts: 45
    Options
    Our 22 month old daughter possibly has autism spectrum disorder. Her sensory issues are huge, though improvng with the current treatments we are using. She is very high functioning and there are questions as to if she truly has ASD. She has some characteristics but it's still unclear, probably partly because of her young age.

    I've found myself having a REALLY hard time controlling my eating when I am with her. I think some of it is emotional eating, as I am having a tough time with the idea that she may have ASD and because it's SO hard to see my child struggle with things the way she does.

    Part of it is that it's truly physically taxing to care for her at times. Tonight at her special needs playgroup she had an episode at the end of the session. She's 27 lb and it takes so much energy to hold her to keep her from destroying things and harming herself. She bangs her head into floors and walls leaving bruises if I don't catch her in time. She pulls her hair and pinches herself, and her screams alone are s gut wrenching, it just drains me. She throws toys and tries to knock over furniture. She's the youngest of four and I've never seen a child act like she does. It's not "typical terrible two" behavior, she's always been like this.

    Anyway, by the time I have her calm, I just want a diet coke and a snickers bar, or something similar. Tonight I had a snack pack of almonds to try to ward off that craving. I cried for about ten minutes and then went into the kitchen and ate everything in sight. I hadn't had any diet coke in a day and a half and I've had about a liter since I've been home.

    I really like I feel like I have my other emotional eating issues under control but this is just so much bigger than anything else, I really don't know how to get a handle on it. I'm going to try having a protein shake before playgroup tomorrow. Does anyone have any suggestions? Anyone else care to share if they are having the same struggle?



    I know this sounds crazzy but when my son was younger and had a melt down I would mist him with a mixture of water and lavender oil. I even had it added in his iep so he could use it at school.They sell it at healthfood stores. Its just a lavender spray but it would mist him and he would calm down. It worked on my older kids too!!LOL! You can also look up calming spray online but its cheaper to make your own or buy the spray from a healthfood store.I dont like medications and I know they have a specific seller for the spray but its costly so I just made my own or bought a generic brand.
  • aymie24
    aymie24 Posts: 227
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    Wow! Am I that transparent or are these things so typical? :) I wasn't expecting therapy, lol.

    I have totally been trying to pinpoint what is causing this. Could it be that she's always co-slept? She's never had a real need to cry, so maybe I prohibited her from learning to self soothe? My own mother first suggested that I am overly affectionate with my children, that I "cuddle them in excess" and that most parents simply don't do that.

    We delayed vax, she's STILL breastfeeding, in fact that is the only thing that soothes her. We eat organic and nope, not too much fish, I am very careful. So, is it the water, maybe that brita filter isn't enough? Is there mold in my house that I don't know about? Was it the epidural I am so upset with myself for having? Yeah, an answer would probably help...

    Anyway, I know she's too young to diagnose, they started making the suggestion when she was 14 months old. I see and share the concerns of her doctors and specialists but I don't want her labeled needlessly. I know some really awesome kids who are autistic and I am not one of those parents who thinks my kids need to be perfect but I am really having a hard time with the idea that she could be ASD. I don't know why.

    As for taking time for myself, really, that's so totally unrealistic, lol. My older two girls help with the little ones so much as it is. I am on call 24/7 plus office hours. We have no extended family here, not that I would be willing to leave my kids with them anyway. My hubby is as supportive as possible but he's in Iraq.

    As for getting her to calm down, I've always taught the kids to blow hard onto a spot on my palm, which makes them take deep breaths long before they really knew what that means. It's worked for the other kids, and still works with our four year old son. We tried bubbles and a pinwheel at playgroup tonight. She didn't go for it.

    She goes from zero to sixty in two seconds and once she's there, there is nothing we can do to get her attention. I either nurse her or she gets too tired to continue. By that time, she's literally foaming at the mouth and she's violently shaking. We are doing all kinds of therapies and they are working but she just has no ability to self soothe AT ALL and I feel completely helpless because there is so little I can do to soothe her.

    I know I need to figure out a solution to this trigger for me. I am not helpful to her when I am crying because I ate four cookies! I hope filling up on something before I come home from work and before we go to playgroup will help a little. I am also going to keep some gum handy.

    Thanks to everyone who responded. MFP is so amazing!!!
  • aymie24
    aymie24 Posts: 227
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    I know this sounds crazzy but when my son was younger and had a melt down I would mist him with a mixture of water and lavender oil. I even had it added in his iep so he could use it at school.They sell it at healthfood stores. Its just a lavender spray but it would mist him and he would calm down. It worked on my older kids too!!LOL! You can also look up calming spray online but its cheaper to make your own or buy the spray from a healthfood store.I dont like medications and I know they have a specific seller for the spray but its costly so I just made my own or bought a generic brand.

    Thanks! I'll give that a try. I have some lavender oil for her baby wipes solution, we use cloth wipes so I make my own. Can't believe I didn't think of that!
  • KZOsMommy
    KZOsMommy Posts: 854 Member
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    My 4 1/2 year old son in on the spectrum and has sensory disorder as well. Ever since we found out about a month or so ago I have had a hard time not eating. By about 3:00 in the afternoon I have had it and could eat myself out of house and home. I have decided that at that time in the afternoon I am going to start doing some kind of short workout (I like my 30day shred) and hopefully that will help me to at least make healthy choice in my snacking while being stressed.

    I think I am going to have to try that misting with lavender oil and see if that helps him as well.

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