NEED MY TRUST BACK.
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mskupnick88
Posts: 15
in Chit-Chat
So here the deal. I am 23 years old male and pretty decent looking. I have been married twice the first time was when i was 19 we dated for three year and got married in 2008 then within five months it just fell apart and we decide to get divorce well she did and never said why. so then i went a while before dating and then started talking to a new girl and we talked on and off for like 4 months while i was talking to other people to see if this was what i wanted and about 4 months we were dating and for like 2 years it was great happy never had a problem. we decided to get married in April of 2011 and once again it fell apart she didn't want to be married missed her old self but still i didn't do anything to make this happen. When iam with someone i give them my all and give them everything in a relationship a girl could want. so i was hurt pretty bad after the second time like don't girls vauls mean anything anymore. so i decide to get right back out there like a month after we decided we were going to go separate ways in September. So now again haha i started to talk to a few girls and decided they were not what i was looking for but then out of the blue i met the girl iam with now we been talking since Oct 2011 and started dating Nov 25. and we have totally fallen for one another i have never felt like this in my life with any girl ive been with and she says the same we are so in love its crazy like she is everything ive wanted my hole life in a girl shes hard working very driven and has a good head on her shoulders and very beautiful and I just love her so much and she says the same and i be leave her but i fight with it sometimes because ive been jerked around so many times and it just sits in the back of my head i don't think she would hurt me but just cant get it gone due to my past she tells me how she feels about me all the time and ive told her about this and she said to just please have faith in her that she is not like the rest and i be leave her i just wish i could get these other thoughts out of my head just because of my past does anyone have any advice.
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Replies
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I'm sorry you've been hurt but, honestly, you are going to push her away if you keep doubting that she cares about you. I wouldn't keep making her prove it to you, nor would I keep bringing up how you've been hurt by your previous girl. Give this new girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Also, women dig guys with confidence. Just try to put your apprehension aside and enjoy the new relationship.0
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Sometimes we confuse love with lust. And sometimes we just dont do well being alone. You need to have a serious talk with yourself. Frankly I think you could use some "me" time. Play the field, make new FRIENDS, not sexual partners. Learn to trust yourself before you give your trust to some one else. Hope this helps.0
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Take it slow! There's no reason to rush anything. You guys have only been together a couple months, it takes time for feelings to develop. Don't rush her, don't rush yourself, and enjoy the ride. It may not always be easy (I have trust issues too), but if you are truly committed to the relationship, and her, everything will work itself out.0
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Completely agree with the above poster about giving yourself some time. Challenging yourself to be single will eliminate any doubt you have about who you are, how you feel, and why you feel that way. Rushing in to other relationships without giving yourself a second to think about and process what has happened is just repeating history.
best wishes for a healthy relationship!
Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Nutrition Facts For Foods0 -
I have some advice. Hear me...So here the deal. I am 23 years old male and pretty decent looking. I have been married twice the first time was when i was 19 we dated for three year and got married in 2008 then within five months it just fell apart and we decide to get divorce well she did and never said why. so then i went a while before dating and then started talking to a new girl and we talked on and off for like 4 months while i was talking to other people to see if this was what i wanted and about 4 months we were dating and for like 2 years it was great happy never had a problem. we decided to get married in April of 2011 and once again it fell apart she didn't want to be married missed her old self but still i didn't do anything to make this happen. When iam with someone i give them my all and give them everything in a relationship a girl could want. so i was hurt pretty bad after the second time like don't girls vauls mean anything anymore. so i decide to get right back out there like a month after we decided we were going to go separate ways in September. So now again haha i started to talk to a few girls and decided they were not what i was looking for but then out of the blue i met the girl iam with now we been talking since Oct 2011 and started dating Nov 25. and we have totally fallen for one another i have never felt like this in my life with any girl ive been with and she says the same we are so in love its crazy like she is everything ive wanted my hole life in a girl shes hard working very driven and has a good head on her shoulders and very beautiful and I just love her so much and she says the same and i be leave her but i fight with it sometimes because ive been jerked around so many times and it just sits in the back of my head i don't think she would hurt me but just cant get it gone due to my past she tells me how she feels about me all the time and ive told her about this and she said to just please have faith in her that she is not like the rest and i be leave her i just wish i could get these other thoughts out of my head just because of my past does anyone have any advice.
SLOW DOWN!
Go out and date 10 ladies and forget getting all serious for a while.
And I am the guy married at 19 too only we made it, so I am not against marriage.
SLOW DOWN!
Go play the field before climbing that same Persimmon tree for yet another bite of some rotten fruit.0 -
I see there is no reason to rush into marriage. Take it slow and see how things go. When things are new you feel like you are cloud nine until people show their true self. Don't bring too much baggage into the realtonship and make her want to be with you.
Good Luck! 0 -
Crazy censorship on this website.0
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Great advice, listen to the words! If you are about to make the transformation you have said you want then it does not hurt to find out who that guy is going to be. Good luck and take it slow!
Ken0 -
You are only 23...... that is YOUNG! Way young to have 2 marriages behind you. You have your whole life in front of you.... sloooooooow it down. You've been dating all of 1 month... Trust comes with time - it is earned and built.
Just enjoy your new girl and stop projecting and worrying about the past or the future for that matter!
Slow down, stop, look around and enjoy the right now.0 -
You have known her for two months and dated for one,I suspect you are confusing the first blushes of a crush with love.
I know there are those that find love at first sight or near it but that is the exception rather then the rule.
Sit down and ask yourself how life will be together for the long haul,having kids possibly,the things a long term committed relationship involves.
Do you know yet her lifes goals and dreams and how that will mesh with yours?
It is way to soon to be head over heels with someone to the point of thinking marriage again as it sounds you are.
You both need to step back and take a breath,get some real issue communication going,not a love conquers all fairy tale and just work out who both of you are and want to be to see if that fits together.0 -
You have known her for two months and dated for one,I suspect you are confusing the first blushes of a crush with love.
I know there are those that find love at first sight or near it but that is the exception rather then the rule.
Sit down and ask yourself how life will be together for the long haul,having kids possibly,the things a long term committed relationship involves.
Do you know yet her lifes goals and dreams and how that will mesh with yours?
It is way to soon to be head over heels with someone to the point of thinking marriage again as it sounds you are.
You both need to step back and take a breath,get some real issue communication going,not a love conquers all fairy tale and just work out who both of you are and want to be to see if that fits together.
^^ This .. and have fun , enjoy those feelings and the giddiness . Those are great times, no rush0 -
I'm lovingly telling you you are not allowed to get married for 3 years, minimum. Not even engaged. If this girl, or any other, is really the one you're meant to be with you don't need to lock them down so fast. The right girl will stay by your side, marriage document or not.
You are hereby banned from all jewelry stores for a 36 month period. Enjoy a bit of freedom.
guys had two marriages and I haven't had one it's just flat out greedy I tell ya..:grumble:
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I think you have issues. I know that sounds harsh but what you're doing is NOT normal. You have probably lacked love in other areas and these girls are filling that hole in your heart- temporary. This isn't love. It's infatuation, lust, unhealthy neediness, etc.
I will tell you this.. your decisions NOW will affect your future. Think about what you're doing. You're going from high feeling to the next with these girls. Broken attracts broken. These chicks have issues too falling so fast into marriage or "love" and then breaking it off. You should learn to be by yourself, get yourself in therapy and do some serious self reflecting... I feel bad for you. Break this sad cycle you're in because you're just going to get more hurt, more disappointed and again, this will affect your future.0 -
Brett, ftw, as usual.0
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I disagree with the people who said you need to play the field. You don't. What you need to do is to stop living in the past. You aren't the first person to be dumped. You aren't the first person to be dumped twice. And you aren't the first person to be dumped twice after long term relationships. I don't know why your wives flaked out on you but I suspect it has to do with the fact that you were all way too young to get married in the first place, especially if they were even younger than you. Yes, sometimes a couple of teenagers getting married works out just fine. Sometimes people walk away from a fall out of a second story window without a scratch on them too. The exception is not the rule.
Take it slow with this girl. Stop dwelling on the past. She isn't your ex so stop treating her like she is. Stop expecting her to hurt you or you will only end up with a self fulfilling prophecy. Do NOT talk marriage for at LEAST a year. Find out what she wants in life. Discuss your goals, dreams, future kids, etc. Find out all about her and let her know all about you - more than just your previous marriages.
I met my husband when I was 19. We dated for 4 1/2 years before we got married. I was 23 when we got married. Fast forward 18 years and we're still happily married. I can honestly say that in 18 years nothing surprised me. We took those 4 1/2 years to get to know everything about each other. Our first year of marriage was bliss for the most part. For many it's one of the hardest. IMO that's because they didn't really know each other before they walked down the aisle. You can date for 3 years and if you never talk about the big topics -- kids, career, retirement plans, etc -- you don't really know the other person. That can make it hard.
Go slow. Really get to know each other. You don't have to date other people if you don't want to but don't push her away. Look to the future and stop living in the past. You were hurt. They are out o your life now. Stop giving them so much control over you. That's all you're really doing. You are still letting your exes run your life. Stop it.0 -
I'm lovingly telling you you are not allowed to get married for 3 years, minimum. Not even engaged. If this girl, or any other, is really the one you're meant to be with you don't need to lock them down so fast. The right girl will stay by your side, marriage document or not.
You are hereby banned from all jewelry stores for a 36 month period. Enjoy a bit of freedom.
guys had two marriages and I haven't had one it's just flat out greedy I tell ya..:grumble:
:drinker:0 -
WTG!0
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TAKE IT SLOW! Live with the person for a while before marrying them also. TALK A LOT. About EVERYTHING. Be on the same page as the person.0
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Yes this! Take some time and really read all the great advice you've been getting. Good luck!!You have known her for two months and dated for one,I suspect you are confusing the first blushes of a crush with love.
I know there are those that find love at first sight or near it but that is the exception rather then the rule.
Sit down and ask yourself how life will be together for the long haul,having kids possibly,the things a long term committed relationship involves.
Do you know yet her lifes goals and dreams and how that will mesh with yours?
It is way to soon to be head over heels with someone to the point of thinking marriage again as it sounds you are.
You both need to step back and take a breath,get some real issue communication going,not a love conquers all fairy tale and just work out who both of you are and want to be to see if that fits together.0 -
I completely disagree with the living together part. For one, they've only been together for a few months. Moving in together should not be even a blip on the radar of his future at this point. Also, living together before marriage is more likely to result in divorce. If you are ready to live together then get married (NOT THE OP!!) if you aren't ready to get married then maintain separate residences.TAKE IT SLOW! Live with the person for a while before marrying them also. TALK A LOT. About EVERYTHING. Be on the same page as the person.
I second Brett that he shouldn't even start to consider any of that for at least 3 years.0
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