Venting and need advice!!

KandieLantz
KandieLantz Posts: 423 Member
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
I'll start by saying I absolutely LOVE the shared support and camaraderie of the people here. I have been given advice that was a blessing, made to laugh on down days, encouraged, held accountable for choices and it has been an all around great experience for me. I also love to help support my friends through their journey's as well. With that said, I have a couple of people on my friend list who I have noticed eat anywhere from 300-700 calories a day on a regular basis and their choices are horribly unhealthy, which tells me they must be eating VERY tiny amounts of food as well. I have tried to gently suggest that they take a look at better choices, to no avail. I hate to give up on anyone attempting to lose weight and get healthy, but I don't feel their choices condone health at all! I am considering just deleting them, but know I'll feel guilty if I do. What else can I do to try and help? :brokenheart:

Replies

  • Meggles63
    Meggles63 Posts: 916 Member
    I've had that same problem and it really bothers me...I just quit looking at their food diaries, so I wouldn't know. That may be the coward's way out, but ......sigh!
  • liveinthemix
    liveinthemix Posts: 360 Member
    ..hmm.. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... If your advice to them goes unheeded, and you feel it's necessary to delete them for you own sanity..I say delete 'em..
  • AZackery
    AZackery Posts: 2,035 Member
    Send them a nice message letting them know how you feel about supporting them and let them know that you can't support someone's that not going about it the healthy way. 300 to 700 calories a day is not healthy.

    Give them a chance to send you a message back and after reading what they have to say, then if you feel you need to delete them, then let them know in a nice way that you don't mean to offend them, but you are removing them from your friend's list, because you can't support their life choice.

    I love motivating and encouraging people, but I know that I can't be a health cheerleader to people that's not doing it the healthy way. Maybe they have had bypass surgery etc. and they are told to eat small amount of food, because of the size of their stomach. I think this should change after awhile. Just find out their reason why they are eating so little first, before you delete them.
  • brendabuckeye
    brendabuckeye Posts: 53 Member
    If you are getting advice from them, I would delete them. It isn't about them anyway, it is about you! Friend me if you like, also. I am trying to eat healthy and have been cooking at home a lot. I had to add the 2 portions of spaghetti I had tonight, and I had to enter the whole recipe to keep it honest on the calories - amazingly few since it was more soupy sauce, but now I am off to the treadmill to work off the extra bread and my chocolate habit. Good luck!
  • cflec1
    cflec1 Posts: 60 Member
    I need all the help I can get to stay on track, trying to eat healthier, doing portion control; but sometimes I have to have some chips. So, I don't think I would mind someone offering suggestions on what I could be doing better.
  • ladykate7
    ladykate7 Posts: 206 Member
    I don't know what their diaries look like but often I'm really good about logging for the first half of the day and then don't get around to tracking after I leave work. But I know how many calories I have left for the night. Sometimes I'll put in what I expect to have for dinner, or try to remember the next morning at work. Could that be the case? They're just not diligent about tracking everything?
  • KandieLantz
    KandieLantz Posts: 423 Member
    I don't know what their diaries look like but often I'm really good about logging for the first half of the day and then don't get around to tracking after I leave work. But I know how many calories I have left for the night. Sometimes I'll put in what I expect to have for dinner, or try to remember the next morning at work. Could that be the case? They're just not diligent about tracking everything?

    I don't believe this is the case, only because I have asked and others have commented. Nor has either of them had bypass surgery as mentioned above. I am not saying I expect people to eat perfectly healthy, I enjoy my treats for sure! But starving yourself to death and choosing fast food for every time you eat two or three bites of food as a meal (literally!) just bothers me a lot.
  • mlke4258
    mlke4258 Posts: 19
    The last thing I am on here to do is judge anyone. I am certainly no saint myself, nor would I like to be. This is about soo much more than simply eating healthy and losing weight. The bottom line is; that in order to effectively accomplish either of the two it is a drastic lifestyle change. This is not as easy as say kicking a single habit such as smoking. You have to consider all the factors that may lead to people choosing to eat the way they do. Maybe it could be something as simple as an excuse to stop at the 7/11 on the way to work or on the way home or both. That in itself can become a habit that leads to consuming less than healthy foods. I can understand not only why people choose to eat the way they do. But also, not everyone has the inner strength to really pull the trigger and make the right decisions for themselves. I think you would be doing an injustice to delete them. At least they have the integrity to log the crap they are eating. I bet a lot of people on here hold out. I forget sometimes, but do make a consious effort to make mental notes as well as show restraint. Some people need different levels of support. Not everyone is going to be successful either. You have to take the bad with the good. You offered the support, it's up to them to do the rest. Use them as examples for yourself or as reminders of what not to do.
  • peggy2165
    peggy2165 Posts: 12 Member
    i think this just goes to show exactlly how great of a mfp friend you are!! you really do care about the people at the other end even thou we have not met each other. keep giving the wonderful advice you do and hopefully they will come around and benefit from it. just remember you have helped people such as myself get thru some struggles. keep smiling:)
  • KandieLantz
    KandieLantz Posts: 423 Member
    Great advice you guys, thank you so much!
  • josol1971
    josol1971 Posts: 46 Member
    We are all here because of the choices we have made. I can only speak for myself when I say, I am not here for a pat on the back or to hear "it's OK - you'll do better tomorrow". That's what got me here. I need a kick in the @ss!!! I need to hear that what I am eating is not going to get me to goal. I need to hear that I better step up my game if I want to be successful. You have been successful Kandie and you are the kind of person I look to for inspiration. You didn't lose 80+ pounds by getting a pat on the behind and being told "at least you gave it a good try". This is a social media for losing weight but it's not Facebook. If you want a bunch of people to cater to your feelings, you won't get very far if you are unwilling to listen to the brutal truth. It's hard to hear but maybe if we listened a little more to the people who have been in our shoes and worked hard to get out of them, we can be a success story too. Keep being honest Kandie, we can all learn from success stories such as yours. <3
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
    I don't know what their diaries look like but often I'm really good about logging for the first half of the day and then don't get around to tracking after I leave work. But I know how many calories I have left for the night. Sometimes I'll put in what I expect to have for dinner, or try to remember the next morning at work. Could that be the case? They're just not diligent about tracking everything?

    I don't believe this is the case, only because I have asked and others have commented. Nor has either of them had bypass surgery as mentioned above. I am not saying I expect people to eat perfectly healthy, I enjoy my treats for sure! But starving yourself to death and choosing fast food for every time you eat two or three bites of food as a meal (literally!) just bothers me a lot.


    I just think you should worry about yourself and not worry what every one else is doing. If they ask you for advice, by all means give it.... but if not, let them live and make their own choices. If you can`t bear to watch, then delete them.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    I've deleted a couple people who were consistently eating under 300-700 calories and posting a lot of pro-ana type comments. Honestly, I just don't feel equipped to support people who are not trying to work on their eating disorders (and yes, these were people who openly said they were recovering from ED and wanted support, but then didn't follow anyone's advice when they asked MFPers for it) and it was uncomfortable for me to read some of their posts. I did email both people first and told them my feelings.

    As for what another poster said about this not being Facebook and that they are looking for people to give them a kick in the butt...to each their own...I beat myself up enough for my failures, I certainly don't need someone else doing the beating :smile: I've been fortunate to find MFP friends who provide support and encouragement without beating me over the head with it.
  • april_beth
    april_beth Posts: 616 Member
    delete their unhealhty *kitten*. you can't make anyone do anything they dont want to do and youll just get all bloodied banging your head against that wall..

    but then again im a b*tch and dont put up with *kitten* that p*sses me off lately.
  • TheCats_Meow
    TheCats_Meow Posts: 438 Member
    I haven't had many friends like that but the few I've had, I remove.

    I can't help you if you can't/won't help yourself and outside of the encouragement & support, I don't have time to baby people and try to persuade them to eat right. It's time consuming enough to get myself to eat right.

    Besides, I'm not their mama.
  • natini
    natini Posts: 347 Member
    I have a hard time looking at other people's diary's. I eat real food and when I see people eating protein bars and nutritional drinks all day it doesn't sit right with me. So, I don't make my diary public and now I don't look at other people's. I do delete people as friends if it doesn't appear that they are serious about eating healthy. I also delete people that don't log in daily. I log in every day. You have to be accountable for the choices you make and using MFP helps me with that. I want friends with the same shared goals.
  • barbergirl28
    barbergirl28 Posts: 54 Member
    I would have to say... for me personally, I would delete them. More so because it seems to be causing you unneeded stress by trying to watch over what they are doing. While I don't support their bad eating habits, we don't necessarily know what is going on in their life. Without seeing the diaries myself, I can't comment. Maybe money is tight and with only a couple of dollars in their pocket, they can't buy a bunch of grocieries to prepare a meal so they choose fast food. Or maybe they just don't know how to cook and use fast food as a hot meal. Or if they are recovering from an eating disorder, maybe what they are eating is a giant step from what they have been beforehand. I know someone as well, in real life, that has an eating disorder. I try to point her in the right direction but honestly, my advice goes in one ear and out the other. When you log in, you are doing it for yourself... and if these people aren't a part of the process so be it. But you can't beat yourself up over it. Good luck with your decision.
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