hurtful comments

vitahill
vitahill Posts: 37 Member
edited October 6 in Motivation and Support
I understand that people care about my health etc but sometimes unnecessary and hurtful comments are made, even by people who you are closest with. How do you ignore them? I wish I had an explanation for why I'm not my normal weight but I'm trying to fix it although it will take some time. What do you do when someone expresses their thoughts on your body, and without trying to be mean, makes you feel horrible just the same?

Replies

  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
    My mother is the worst for this. Even when she's "encouraging" somehow it comes out rude. I have learnt to just ignore it. I see her do it to her friends and my sister too. I have learnt it's not me, it's just how she is. Doesn't make it any less hard to hear, but i've stopped beating myself up about it because negativity will get me nowhere.
    If she says something like "well maybe when you lose some weight..." or "Oh this would be cute on you if you were a smaller size" I change the subject or find somewhere else to be.
  • Frankenbarbie01
    Frankenbarbie01 Posts: 432 Member
    this may not be helpful because 2 wrongs dont make a right.......but...
    I remind myself I will only be this size for a few months or years (depending on progress..) they however will be ignorant and hurtful for the rest of their lives.....
    I'm sorry that you are experiencing that =( Is it possible they think they are being helpful? and you know that you do not have to provide people with an explanation of your weight any more than someone has to explain a reason for wearing glasses!!
    Keep your chin up.....
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
    I try to ignore the hurtful comments, but it hurts. I tell them I know that I need to lose weight and I tell them how much I've lost so far. My family and friends are bad about making comments.
  • Renea_Kay
    Renea_Kay Posts: 189 Member
    oh why is it that mothers seem to be the worst with this...i know this well...i ignore them tho they do hurt
  • kybrandyb
    kybrandyb Posts: 52 Member
    the same people who did that to me ... one of them i am the same size and 4 inches taller the other 40 pounds less and 7 inches taller and the other is only about 20 lbs less than me but i am 5 inches taller ...... SO , ya never know what will come back around to these people. I dont throw it in thier face or call them big or say now you are the fat one like they did me .... BUT IT FELLS DAMN NICE!

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  • ReverendJim
    ReverendJim Posts: 260 Member
    It doesn't have to be just about weight, either. And family is the worst (in my case). They are all SUPER right-wing religious. I am not. I have my faith, but I'm not into spending my day trying to figure out what the will of the Lord is in every aspect of my life. So I'm the black sheep. I can totally relate to you (and others) who talk about comments people make about weight. It doesn't matter what it is - weight, religion, etc. - some people are just mean. And I think they are, in many cases, jealous. I'm a very popular guy, fun loving, tons of friends, carefree, etc. They go to church every Wed., Fri. and Sunday. And worry about what I'm doing every other day. Screw 'em.
  • vitahill
    vitahill Posts: 37 Member
    thank you for everyone who responded! sometimes you just need to vent. I know that people (for the most part) have good intentions, but it doesn't always come across that way. I know my weight will not always be an issue and I'm sure I'll learn a good lesson from all of this, but I'm still looking forward to being "myself" (aka my "normal weight") again.

    Thanks again :smile:
  • venom74799
    venom74799 Posts: 36
    My mom is the same way. The funny thing is when I lost the weight, she thought I didn't look normal and is complaining about it. It just goes to show you some people will pull you down no matter what. Don't spend time worrying about what others think. You have a life to live.
  • winslow44238
    winslow44238 Posts: 35
    If it is something you are really bothered by, you may need to let it out. If you feel like you can, directly talking to the person who made the comment can be theraputic. Educating them that you are working on this, and that it is a very sensitive subject, lets them know they stepped in it, and emphasising the positives and how well you are doing will help them learn to encourage you.

    If it is someone you can't confront, I find that writing letters to the person to vent, then burning or shredding them is a great release. It also allows time to think about why it bothers me, and how I want to handle it in the future.

    My own coping skill is to make some jokes about myself which I find hurtful if someone else repeats. Seeing that through writing to vent, I decided to start saying positive things about myself instead and saw that people around me also changed to a more positive way of talking to me. There are still a few people who make comments that hurt, but I'm starting to notice that they are usually under stress, or otherwise bothered when they do that. It helps me understand that it is not me that they are really making hurtful things towards, but trying to get through something else entirely.
    ]
  • vitahill
    vitahill Posts: 37 Member
    It was actually not my Mom this time (although it normally is) which made it more painful, I think. I just told this person how I felt and she is sorry and understands my feelings. It makes me feel a little better, not 100%. I will just use this as motivation next time I find myself slipping. However, I need to remember I'm not losing weight to make anyone happy but myself. I do not like me as I am now, and that's the only reason for this change. It's great to be able to express myself on here and have lots of people know exactly how I feel.
  • blueandigo
    blueandigo Posts: 296
    Honestly I don't give two ****s what people think aboot me because I know that I am the best and I know what I've done and been through. I've always have people give me ****; ever since grade school to be exact and I've taken that **** and turned it into positive things. Those people that gave me **** are the same people who always want my help.

    Without the negativity I don't think I could have made a 360 spin on my life.
  • yogibella
    yogibella Posts: 321 Member
    I totally get you....whether it is about weight or something else, it's hurtful and especially disappointing when it comes from family or a friend (so you thought). In my experience, people that make comments with intention to ruffle your feathers tend to have issues themselves. Mothers are great at this because they usually suffer from body image issues (what woman doesn't these days?) And people that make snide comments are hardly perfect themselves. So I just dismiss those people and choose to spend my time with people who are much well-rounded.

    Remember, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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