I never used to hate myself..!
AugustEmbee
Posts: 19
I'm new this day to MFP... I am starting this again after taking an extended break for my husbands surgery (during which time I regained 9 lbs) of the 25 I had managed to loose!
6 days before Christmas 2011, I decided to START OVER and lost 7 lbs come Christmas morning... but bulked back up a bit Christmas Day!
However, I'm still on task.
Luckily, for most of my life I didn't say horrible things to myself... Didn't think horrible things when I looked in the mirror and didn't bombard my brain with nastiness aimed towards making me feel bad. Unfortunately, ever since I started 'trying' to loose weight I say the most ugly things to myself... You're Fat and Ugly and Stupid and Worthless are just to name a few!
How can a confident yet clueless girl... gain some knowledge about what she is doing to her body & and then begin to hate herself for it?
Well, that's me. I'm August.
6 days before Christmas 2011, I decided to START OVER and lost 7 lbs come Christmas morning... but bulked back up a bit Christmas Day!
However, I'm still on task.
Luckily, for most of my life I didn't say horrible things to myself... Didn't think horrible things when I looked in the mirror and didn't bombard my brain with nastiness aimed towards making me feel bad. Unfortunately, ever since I started 'trying' to loose weight I say the most ugly things to myself... You're Fat and Ugly and Stupid and Worthless are just to name a few!
How can a confident yet clueless girl... gain some knowledge about what she is doing to her body & and then begin to hate herself for it?
Well, that's me. I'm August.
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Replies
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*Hugs* sweetie!
Look at it this way: You're working hard at losing weight because you care about yourself, right? (Just nod and keep reading.
)
So you're obviously worth the bother of eating right, exercising, and doing all the hard work that's involved in being healthy, right? (Nod again.)
'
Does that sound like someone stupid and worthless and ugly? (Shake your head 'no' here.)
*kitten* happens. Unhealthy eating happened to a lot of us here. But - IT'S DONE. You can't undo yesterday - no one can. But today, right now, it's all good. It's all about taking care of yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE BOTHER. I really wish I could remember who I saw say this on here, because I quote it a lot: "Guilt doesn't burn calories." Shame doesn't either - it really doesn't serve any useful purpose.
So don't cut yourself down anymore, or if you start, ask yourself what purpose it's truly serving you. There are better ways (my opinion, of course) to keep your head in the game and to take care of yourself.0 -
Wow... Thank you..
I did nod and I did keep reading, I even shook my head too!
I really needed that quote: "Guilt doesn't burn calories." jmruef
I will remember... Thank you again!0 -
I go through these feelings at least once a week and am breaking that cycle. Remember, you are here for a reason! You are doing something for YOURSELF. You are worth it, and always remember that.
Remember you are doing this for YOU and no one else. You are most important. You can't be there for your family, your friends, anyone else if you aren't there for yourself.
You are beautiful and strong. Take one day at a time. If you slip up, don't dwell on it. Acknowledge it, and then get rid of it and move on. Always look towards tomorrow and making it a better day than today. You can do this.
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*Hugs* sweetie!
Look at it this way: You're working hard at losing weight because you care about yourself, right? (Just nod and keep reading. )
So you're obviously worth the bother of eating right, exercising, and doing all the hard work that's involved in being healthy, right? (Nod again.)
'
Does that sound like someone stupid and worthless and ugly? (Shake your head 'no' here.)
*kitten* happens. Unhealthy eating happened to a lot of us here. But - IT'S DONE. You can't undo yesterday - no one can. But today, right now, it's all good. It's all about taking care of yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE BOTHER. I really wish I could remember who I saw say this on here, because I quote it a lot: "Guilt doesn't burn calories." Shame doesn't either - it really doesn't serve any useful purpose.
So don't cut yourself down anymore, or if you start, ask yourself what purpose it's truly serving you. There are better ways (my opinion, of course) to keep your head in the game and to take care of yourself.
^ That's wise. Close your eyes and imagine yourself saying sorry to yourself. Imagine yourself saying, "I forgive you" to yourself. You're doing the best you can. Be compassionate to yourself on this journey.0 -
Thank you both determinedash and uberrach~
You don't realize how much you need the support until all the sudden you have some!0 -
Thank you both determinedash and uberrach~
You don't realize how much you need the support until all the sudden you have some!
My pleasure, dear! Thanks for friending me --- I'm good for a laugh every now and then. (;0 -
I feel like that when I eat something I am not supposed to. I had given up this past year. I would eat fast food and then feel guilty and call myself all sorts of names. At our Thanksgiving family gathering the pics we took freaked me out. I am so big compared to my wedding day 10/10/10 150lbs. It was a wake up call. I am doing this again to feel good, look good, and fit into nice clothes again. I am currently at 187lbs. My sister always says: "Nothing tastes as good as it feels to fit into my skinny jeans" She is funny. But so true. I am back on track. It's been hard. But now I only say positive things to myself. I WILL do this. So will you.0
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I so know how you feel. I get cross with myself if I go up, or over eat my calorie limit. Then I spend the day grouching at the people who love me. Try to turn that cross feeling into positivity, and think how much you want to be the "you " that you want to be. ( If that makes sense.)
All your friends and family love you and want you to be happy, let them support you. This isn't something you can do on your own, and I think that's where some of us get hung up. It all rests on yourself, and it doesn't have to. Yes, you are responsible for yourself, but you don't have to be alone.
Hope that doesn't sound too preachy, it's just regurgitated from others who are further along than I am, but who I trust.
I can use all the friends out there, so feel free to add me if you like. And best of luck in 2012.0 -
I remember looking in a mirror and seeing that my belly and my chest look like an cartoonish alien. It still does but I can change that.0
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When i look at pics of myself in the past, I think why did i feel chunky? I didnt look it compared to now. My base weight was 130 ish with a little tummy. I was 160 when i started this and i lost 5lbs so far. I never really feel comfortable with my body and im hopeing when i get back down to that weight actully i want more like 120-125 that i can feel good about myself. I now were your coming from and WE no were we want to BE. We can change if we want it bad enough. Good Luck on your Journey!0
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When i look at pics of myself in the past, I think why did i feel chunky? I didnt look it compared to now. My base weight was 130 ish with a little tummy. I was 160 when i started this and i lost 5lbs so far. I never really feel comfortable with my body and im hopeing when i get back down to that weight actully i want more like 120-125 that i can feel good about myself. I now were your coming from and WE no were we want to BE. We can change if we want it bad enough. Good Luck on your Journey!0
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I think we all feel that way about ourselves one time or another. BUT the only person who can change that is yourself. This goes for weight, attitude, even just simply having a bad day-only you can change it!! Good luck in your journey, everyone on here!!!0
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Well, if forgetting everything I learned by losing 68 lbs and gaining back 17 lbs starting with my dad's illness and following his death in the space of about 6 months qualifies as an extended break.......then I am back from one too! As far as the self doubt (hatred seems harsh, but I feel it), I can completely understand! Last time it felt like a more positive experience. But I know that if I continue forward and start eating right and start exercising, that soon the good feelings will come back.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that once you are doing the right things again, then your good feelings will come back again!0 -
I have been where you are...hated the way I looked and felt. But take that negativity and turn it around. When you feel like that...GO WALK! When you look in the mirror and see a part of your body that just disgusts you, do some crunches or clean house! Lots of exercise in cleaning house! Don't let it get you down as it will defeat you. Welcome! I'm new to this too and my goal is to be positive and feel better. The looking better part will come if we stay with it. Good luck and stick with it. I start a new job next week and none of my nice clothes fit. That was inspiration enough for me!0
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I feel like that when I eat something I am not supposed to. I had given up this past year. I would eat fast food and then feel guilty and call myself all sorts of names. At our Thanksgiving family gathering the pics we took freaked me out. I am so big compared to my wedding day 10/10/10 150lbs. It was a wake up call. I am doing this again to feel good, look good, and fit into nice clothes again. I am currently at 187lbs. My sister always says: "Nothing tastes as good as it feels to fit into my skinny jeans" She is funny. But so true. I am back on track. It's been hard. But now I only say positive things to myself. I WILL do this. So will you.
You will do this... you will do this. So will I.0 -
I so know how you feel. I get cross with myself if I go up, or over eat my calorie limit. Then I spend the day grouching at the people who love me. Try to turn that cross feeling into positivity, and think how much you want to be the "you " that you want to be. ( If that makes sense.)
All your friends and family love you and want you to be happy, let them support you. This isn't something you can do on your own, and I think that's where some of us get hung up. It all rests on yourself, and it doesn't have to. Yes, you are responsible for yourself, but you don't have to be alone.
Hope that doesn't sound too preachy, it's just regurgitated from others who are further along than I am, but who I trust.
I can use all the friends out there, so feel free to add me if you like. And best of luck in 2012.
I've found that 'the others' the ones who have been doing it longer then us, really know what they are talking about. And sometimes preachy is what you need. However, you were not preachy. I'm going to let anyone help me that would like to and then I'm gonna thank them for it!!!! Thanks to you too.0 -
When i look at pics of myself in the past, I think why did i feel chunky? I didnt look it compared to now. My base weight was 130 ish with a little tummy. I was 160 when i started this and i lost 5lbs so far. I never really feel comfortable with my body and im hopeing when i get back down to that weight actully i want more like 120-125 that i can feel good about myself. I now were your coming from and WE no were we want to BE. We can change if we want it bad enough. Good Luck on your Journey!
See I was 199 and comfortable with myself... I never even considered my weight, much less cursed at myself about it! What is it about starting down this road that brought this self hating on?
Still working on that!0 -
I think we all feel that way about ourselves one time or another. BUT the only person who can change that is yourself. This goes for weight, attitude, even just simply having a bad day-only you can change it!! Good luck in your journey, everyone on here!!!
And good luck to you also....0 -
I remember looking in a mirror and seeing that my belly and my chest look like an cartoonish alien. It still does but I can change that.
yes you can!0 -
Well, if forgetting everything I learned by losing 68 lbs and gaining back 17 lbs starting with my dad's illness and following his death in the space of about 6 months qualifies as an extended break.......then I am back from one too! As far as the self doubt (hatred seems harsh, but I feel it), I can completely understand! Last time it felt like a more positive experience. But I know that if I continue forward and start eating right and start exercising, that soon the good feelings will come back.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that once you are doing the right things again, then your good feelings will come back again!
Well, welcome back to the rest of your life. This time we'll both have a positive experience... fingers and toes crossed.0 -
I have been where you are...hated the way I looked and felt. But take that negativity and turn it around. When you feel like that...GO WALK! When you look in the mirror and see a part of your body that just disgusts you, do some crunches or clean house! Lots of exercise in cleaning house! Don't let it get you down as it will defeat you. Welcome! I'm new to this too and my goal is to be positive and feel better. The looking better part will come if we stay with it. Good luck and stick with it. I start a new job next week and none of my nice clothes fit. That was inspiration enough for me!
Oh wow... good luck with your new job. Great thing about a new job is that you can be anyone when you first walk in the doors... Beg, borrow and steal from your best friends closet to get you through.
Is it tacky to say my goal is to have a better sex life? LOL *blush*0 -
I remember looking in a mirror and seeing that my belly and my chest look like an cartoonish alien. It still does but I can change that.
funny. i always compare my back to the zoidburg guy from futurama's stomach.0 -
LOL that's an awesome goal!!
I get exactly what you mean though, I have been very comfortable in my skin for a long time. Too comfortable!! That's how I got to this weight.
Be nice to yourself...you are still the same person you were before, just more aware. But get this...it is ok to be angry with yourself for having a set back. Get stern with yourself! I AM NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO GO BACKWARDS!!! Use the negative feelings to spur you forward and get more determined to be successful.
Begin rewarding yourself too though! Tell yourself GOOD JOB! When you exercise consecutive days or stay within your caloric goals. Make sure you own your strengths with as much power as you are owning your weaknesses. That is the balance!0 -
We already face so much oppression from other people! You need to be your own safe refuge. Treat yourself like you would your very best friend who is feeling down or is sick! Really stop and listen to yourself... the part of you yelling "I HATE YOU!" could really just be a little girl who doesn't know how to say, "I really need some down time. Let's put the heating pad under the blankets near your toes and watch a movie you haven't seen since you were 10 because you're an adult and you can."
Give in to these kinds of things! Please love yourself! You're so beautiful and so deserve it!0 -
I was always a "little" heavy... always worked out and felt good about myself. After having my daughter 3 years, I kept the weight on and looked "horrible". I was 175. I hated myself everyday, was always mean or depressed. After a year of finally tired of being depressed about it I hit the gym... a year after I was down 40 lbs!! I was 135.
See my husband is a marine and as much as he loves me and I love him, I cant help but feeling "judged" for my food choices. When I got down to 135, I felt amazing and happy and everything fit the way it was suppose to!! After a visit to Japan (seeing my husband who is there for a year) I started to just eat, bc i wasent over weight anymore and I wasent feeling bad. The little cookies, and snacks here and there added up and havent stopped since... I now weigh 155. (150 was goal weight at first) 20 lbs heavier than before....
I'm back to HATING myself and always depressed and upset because of the way I look. My husband tells me I still look great and all that jazz, but you know its not good enough... I'm not good enough, I let myself go and I feel more ashamed than anything...
BUT after all that, I'm trying to keep myself happy , head held high, and stop with all the negative words to myself. Hopefully with the help of friends on here I can reach my goal again!!
Good Luck, I know you feel "bad" but alot of us do... thats why we have such a support system here to tell the little voices in your head to BACK OFF. 0 -
LOL that's an awesome goal!!
I get exactly what you mean though, I have been very comfortable in my skin for a long time. Too comfortable!! That's how I got to this weight.
Be nice to yourself...you are still the same person you were before, just more aware. But get this...it is ok to be angry with yourself for having a set back. Get stern with yourself! I AM NOT GOING TO CONTINUE TO GO BACKWARDS!!! Use the negative feelings to spur you forward and get more determined to be successful.
Begin rewarding yourself too though! Tell yourself GOOD JOB! When you exercise consecutive days or stay within your caloric goals. Make sure you own your strengths with as much power as you are owning your weaknesses. That is the balance!
You rock, thanks! GOOD JOB AUGUST.0 -
lol, nice thread0
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*Hugs* sweetie!
Look at it this way: You're working hard at losing weight because you care about yourself, right? (Just nod and keep reading. )
So you're obviously worth the bother of eating right, exercising, and doing all the hard work that's involved in being healthy, right? (Nod again.)
'
Does that sound like someone stupid and worthless and ugly? (Shake your head 'no' here.)
*kitten* happens. Unhealthy eating happened to a lot of us here. But - IT'S DONE. You can't undo yesterday - no one can. But today, right now, it's all good. It's all about taking care of yourself BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTH THE BOTHER. I really wish I could remember who I saw say this on here, because I quote it a lot: "Guilt doesn't burn calories." Shame doesn't either - it really doesn't serve any useful purpose.
So don't cut yourself down anymore, or if you start, ask yourself what purpose it's truly serving you. There are better ways (my opinion, of course) to keep your head in the game and to take care of yourself.
I really liked this post. Thanks for sharing.
To the OP...if you wouldn't say it to your best friend (you wouldn't tell your best friend she/he was ugly, fat, worthless, etc., right? of course not!) don't say it to yourself. :flowerforyou:0 -
I went through a similar things but I changed it in one significant way.
Before I started my weight loss I didn't care about my physical appearance at all. I was indifferent to it, but indifference is very far from happiness. As I started the journey I needed to use negative feelings to stimulate me to continue. But I had the strength and faith in myself to make those negative feelings stimulate positive action.
I didn't sit there mentally hugging myself and saying "you are great, don't be upset." I said to myself, "You are fat and ugly, but I can change that." The truth was that I was fat and sloppy and ugly. I couldn't deny or ignore it anymore. That would be counterproductive. So I faced it and put faith in myself to overcome it.
Admit to the truth but know that you have the power to change anything, especially things within yourself.0 -
Acknowledging when you overeat or don't eat healthy foods is different than beating yourself up about it. I'm trying to learn to balance my diet and manage my carb intake due to my new diabetes diagnosis. I don't always get it right, but a LOT of the time I do. Celebrate those times when YOU get it right!
I always try to acknowledge my screwups and then try to dispassionately figure out what I cando differently the next time. That is one of the great things about this site is the ability to really analyze what you've eaten. I can look at a meal and see that I have done really well. But I can also look and see that I might have done better if I had had the biscuit with egg & cheese WITHOUT the sausage or bacon. Or only had 1/2 cup of blueberries with milk instead of a whole cup, etc.
Good luck and try look at the overall picture. Think about where you'll be in a month, six months or a year. Keep up the good work!0
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