NEED MY TRUST BACK.

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  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Anyone else worried that he's out getting married right now instead of responding?
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I'm lovingly telling you you are not allowed to get married for 3 years, minimum. Not even engaged. If this girl, or any other, is really the one you're meant to be with you don't need to lock them down so fast. The right girl will stay by your side, marriage document or not.

    You are hereby banned from all jewelry stores for a 36 month period. Enjoy a bit of freedom.


    guys had two marriages and I haven't had one it's just flat out greedy I tell ya..:grumble: :tongue:

    ^THIS!!!!!
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Take it slow! There's no reason to rush anything. You guys have only been together a couple months, it takes time for feelings to develop. Don't rush her, don't rush yourself, and enjoy the ride. It may not always be easy (I have trust issues too), but if you are truly committed to the relationship, and her, everything will work itself out.


    This is really good advice. Also if I were you I'd wait and date her at least another 4 years before I got married. You're still so young and even though you say the first two marriages you were totally blameless in the divorce, maybe that wasn't necessarily true.
  • awdhemi
    awdhemi Posts: 99 Member
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    Anyone else worried that he's out getting married right now instead of responding?

    HAHA!!
  • maleva720
    maleva720 Posts: 165 Member
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    Anyone else worried that he's out getting married right now instead of responding?

    yep LOL although I 100% agree with your first post...

    if you really think you love this girl then wait a few years and make sure...
  • Runnermadre
    Runnermadre Posts: 267 Member
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    Before I married my husband, we had dated for 3 years, and were engaged another 2. You need to really get to know someone, and take it slow. Marriage is a HUGE committment, which should be as permanent as possible. Take your time getting to know one another so you don't set each other up for failure. :-)
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    Anyone else worried that he's out getting married right now instead of responding?



    OMIGOSH!!!!!!!! This made me laugh really loud at work. My co-workers think I've lost my marbles now!
  • surgesilk
    surgesilk Posts: 92
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    Married twice? and you are 23?...it's not them...it's you.
  • zenzoes
    zenzoes Posts: 187
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    Just keep in mind people change, and a whole lot from just a few months to a few years. Not necessarily always in a bad way, but life IS change. Also little tip I've learned, trust issues can follow you through your whole life. deal with them, get it worked out so you are healthy inside and out. I'm not opposed to a whirlwind relationship, still know there is true falling in love head over heals. It's a beautiful thing that not many get a good chance at. No reason to jump at marriage though, it's just a piece of paper anyhow.
  • stcar
    stcar Posts: 207 Member
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    Sometimes we confuse love with lust. And sometimes we just dont do well being alone. You need to have a serious talk with yourself. Frankly I think you could use some "me" time. Play the field, make new FRIENDS, not sexual partners. Learn to trust yourself before you give your trust to some one else. Hope this helps.
    I agree, everyone would benefit with a good amount of alone/single time at least once in their lives. If it actually is love and not lust, she won't go anywhere.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Anyone else worried that he's out getting married right now instead of responding?

    HA
  • gregavila
    gregavila Posts: 725 Member
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    WHOAH big guy...step away from the roller coaster.

    You are 23 and already have been divorced twice? What is worse is that your not even quite sure where or why things have broken down. This isn't normal behavior unless you are a celebrity rock star...which you are not. I don't like to be blunt, but you should really take some time off and try to figure out what the hell is going on in your life and relationships before you keep leaving a slew of failed marriages and women in your wake.

    Why do you have such a need to rush into so,etching so serious as marriage? Why do you get out of one relationship and feel a need to immediately rush into another? Have you ever thought that YOU may be part of the problem?

    Slow things down, figure yourself out.
  • bestrodeo
    bestrodeo Posts: 139 Member
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    Let me start by saying you are young.. I was married when I was 18 IT WAS HARD.. You change over time, every body does. But I had known my husband for 2 yrs while we dated and built a very good friendship on that time and without that friendship we wouldn't still be married 12 yrs later. Take your time.. Be friends Date whatever get to know each other before jumping head first into marriage, in the end it will be worth it..

    Dont ever stop trusting, things happen for a reason, sometimes we dont understand those reasons but theyre there. Just keep doing what youre doing, the RIGHT girl will come along for you.. Just let life happen and dont push anything..
  • ckmama
    ckmama Posts: 1,668 Member
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    WHOAH big guy...step away from the roller coaster.

    You are 23 and already have been divorced twice? What is worse is that your not even quite sure where or why things have broken down. This isn't normal behavior unless you are a celebrity rock star...which you are not. I don't like to be blunt, but you should really take some time off and try to figure out what the hell is going on in your life and relationships before you keep leaving a slew of failed marriages and women in your wake.

    Why do you have such a need to rush into so,etching so serious as marriage? Why do you get out of one relationship and feel a need to immediately rush into another? Have you ever thought that YOU may be part of the problem?

    Slow things down, figure yourself out.

    DITTO. You need to slow down, you already have SO much baggage. If you two are truly in Love then you will last no matter your trust levels.

    Sounds like there are some self esteem issues and need to be loved issues. I would step way back and evaluate yourself for a VERY VERY LONG time and when you are about 30 I'd think about getting married. So many things change from your 20's to your 30's you don't think it will but there is.
  • Cfkearney
    Cfkearney Posts: 184 Member
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    I love the giddiness that comes with meeting someone new and the butterflies start fluttering everytime they are near. But that, my friend, is infatuation. It is not love. Sometimes it can develop into love, but a lot of the time it doesn't. People who have been married 20 or so years do not necessarliy have the butterfly feelings anymore - but they do have a deep love, trust and respect bond. I think that you should enjoy this time with the new person in your life and enjoy the giddiness of infatuation while it is there. Only time can tell you whether its the real deal or not. I think the first year is like the honeymoon period where all their little quirks are the most adorable thing. Year two is when all those adorable quirks start to annoy you and year three is the year where you look at the person and think even with all your little quirks there is no one I'd rather be with - Or not. So date AT LEAST 3 years before marriage. That's my philosophy. But I am divorced and still single so what the heck do I know? :tongue:
  • roseflora
    roseflora Posts: 1
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    I am sorry to hear of your hurt and pain. Honestly, I think you need to stop dating! Not because you don't deserve to be happy and go out with friends, but I think you are missing the point in your break ups. I read that you give it your all and the woman is who wants to break up. However, in all honesty, it takes two people to make a relationship, and it is both adding to that relationship that also creates the problems.

    It is very painful to have to stop and look at yourself to find out what is going on...but if you do not take the time to do this and HEAL yourself, you will continually have bad relationships.

    So, stop dating, and start really taking care of you, emotionally, psychologically, physically...you deserve it!
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    TAKE IT SLOW! Live with the person for a while before marrying them also. TALK A LOT. About EVERYTHING. Be on the same page as the person.
    I completely disagree with the living together part. For one, they've only been together for a few months. Moving in together should not be even a blip on the radar of his future at this point. Also, living together before marriage is more likely to result in divorce. If you are ready to live together then get married (NOT THE OP!!) if you aren't ready to get married then maintain separate residences.

    I second Brett that he shouldn't even start to consider any of that for at least 3 years.

    I don't think he should be considering living together with her yet, no way! But I don't think living together before marriage is all that bad and find it hard to believe that people would be more likely to divorce if they had. I know a lot of young couples move in together and it doesn't work out but IMO that's much better than getting married and then divorced when there's kids involved.

    There's so many things I don't think you really know about a person until you live together. What about,
    Working long hours (pressure of hardly ever having time to see much of each other)
    Being really bad with money/bills
    Really loud snoring (not worth breaking up over, but takes a lot of getting used to - not something I want to deal with in the "honeymoon period")
    Cleanliness and chores around the home

    Also, for me and my partner, we don't have the money to get married right now, and won't have for another couple of years at least. Living together actually brings us closer to being able to afford it since we only have 1 set of rent and joint income - living at home's not an option unless out of desperation. We had been together 4.5 years though before we got our place so not like we rushed into it. I just don't like the idea of being with someone for like 8 years, who I know I want to spend the rest of my life with, and not be able to live with them that whole time.

    To the OP: I agree with everyone saying SLOOOWW DOWN. You've only been together a short while, and you're still young, there's really no need to rush things. Enjoy being with her, trust her or you may end up ruining a great relationship, get to know her properly, every bit of her personality and over time real love may develop and not what seems to be infatuation/lust and a desire just to be with somebody. If you want to live together first, I'd advise it, especially if your ex's left after realising it's not really what they want - but even that should not be for a while, AT LEAST a year. IMO it should be something to do when you are 99% sure they're for keeps, not just something to do in every relationship.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    TAKE IT SLOW! Live with the person for a while before marrying them also. TALK A LOT. About EVERYTHING. Be on the same page as the person.
    I completely disagree with the living together part. For one, they've only been together for a few months. Moving in together should not be even a blip on the radar of his future at this point. Also, living together before marriage is more likely to result in divorce. If you are ready to live together then get married (NOT THE OP!!) if you aren't ready to get married then maintain separate residences.

    I second Brett that he shouldn't even start to consider any of that for at least 3 years.

    Unless you have some factual evidence in the form of a recently made declaration via a hyperlink, you are so wrong on so many levels..

    My now husband - we dated for about 3 months before he moved in with me.. We had been together for 10 years under one roof. We were in NO hurry whatsoever to get married... We were married in 2009 and are stll together today. Off days and bad days go along with the awesome days and the best days.....
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Rush rush rush rush rush.

    So many people in such a hurry to play house. So many divorces.

    Obviously what works for one is not going to work for the other. But this is an internet site and as such is full of all of our advice/how we would do it.

    That being said ... to the OP... you've had more marriages than I have had girlfriends in the same amount of time.

    Slow the hell down. You don't neccessarily have to play the field, but you should at least be trying to get to know the other person a bit better before moving in.

    I acknowledge one *can* move in right away and make it work, but at least in my own perspective and experience, that fails 9 times out of 10.

    I know a *lot* of people who have done it, and I only know *one* couple that has survived it in the past decade or so.

    Slow down. Learn the difference between love, lust, and infatuation.

    Rush rush rush rush rush.

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