Video game and internet addict with 100+ lbs to lose!

So, I'm not actually NEW new. I made an account here back in July, after a mental breakdown forced me to evaluate what factors were making my life needlessly difficult. My weight and my health were right at the top of the list. I dropped it after a week or two because it turns out starting new stressful habits just didn't work. I've calmed down considerably, had a job for the last few months (which is really what threw me off back in July/August; hard to keep up when you're adjusting to a new work schedule) and I'm ready to try this again for the New Year.

Anyway! Everything in my profile/journal is totally public, because I think that while this is personal, there is nothing inherently shameful in letting people see what my weight is or what I'm eating. Being open and honest is good for me. So here goes: I weigh 325 pounds today. My goal weight right this moment is actually 200; I've been 200 lbs before and I felt GREAT. I looked great. I was still heavy and kind of chubby, but I was energetic, I could get up and down stairs without being in pain, and I slept through the night. If when I get to 200 I feel like losing more, I will, but if I can get there with some muscle on my body I think that's where I can be happy. I'm 5' 9" and even without being obese, I'm a big person. Big shoulders, big hips, big hands, big feet, long legs and arms. And that's all right, but I'd like to be significantly lighter if I can help it. I'm also 21 years old and damn it, I'd like to LOOK 21! All the extra weight makes me look older AND it hurts my back.

Getting up and moving is difficult for me because my interests primarily have to do with video games, reading, or the internet. Last January I bought a Kinect for my XBox and I don't use it nearly enough, so this Christmas I got my girlfriend and I Dance Central 2 (which is way better than the first one, yay!) to work out with. Also for fun. We also have Zumba and a game specifically for fitness/yoga/etc. At the moment it'll be my primary source of exercise, since I usually work 2nd shift (until 11:30 at night) and it's just more convenient for me to be able to get up for work in the afternoon and then come home late at night and work out. As I start dropping weight and building up my stamina, and as the weather gets warmer, I want to start going out for walks or start running. But that's a way off and I try not to overthink it.

I've been overweight since I was a toddler. By the time I was a teenager, I was over 200lbs; during my senior year of high school I gained another 100. My girlfriend and I got together when I was sixteen and I kind of ballooned. To be honest, I'm embarrassed of that and I want HER to have a healthy, hot girlfriend! Being fat is a constant source of humiliation for me, chairs and seats and cramped spaces of all kinds are my worst enemy, and I live in a third-floor apartment and walk through the door huffing and puffing every night. I want to be strong enough to move my own furniture down the stairs when we finally move.

I also have PCOS (as does my girlfriend) and we not only want to be healthy to set a good example when we have a baby, but we want to be able to have a baby in the first place. Not to get morbid, but I also want to be an organ donor and I know that I wouldn't be considered at my current weight and health.

I want to be able to fly to Vegas to see my dad without worrying if I'll fit in the seat, and I want to go to Broadway shows without worrying about spilling over onto other people. Right now when my girlfriend and I see theater, I have to sit with my arm around her or we're squished and uncomfortable. Not that holding her is a bad thing, but it does make it difficult to go to see HER in shows unless I'm on the end seat and can lean away from whoever's next to me.

And on a happier note (because whoa, this is too long already), I want to buy NERD SWAG without worrying if it'll fit me even in the men's sizes. Men's t-shirts always feel either too baggy or very awkward because they don't leave enough room for my bust, and when they do they hang awkwardly and hide my waist. Not good. Thing is, a lot of fannish sites and/or official merchandise stores (like ThinkGeek or the Bioware Store) rarely EVER carry things in my size. I want official sweatshirts, too!

I'd love having more people on this site as part of my support system, and I'd love to have other people to support. I try to live my life a day (or even a few hours or minutes) at a time if need be, and my motto is "it won't be like this forever" (as in, it won't hurt forever, I won't be fat forever, etc.). My little goal right now is to lose 16 to 20 lbs by March 6th so I can take a day or two to myself to enjoy Mass Effect 3 without having to take it out of the XBox to work out. I'll still be The Fat Girl at the midnight release, but I'LL know the difference and that's what matters.