Mom that just can't do it all......

MrsDrake678 · December 2011

I want to make this clear before I start that I am not exactly complaining (though it will sound like it) I love my life...I'm just extremely stressed out. I really would like to find some people here that may be in the same boat as I am or that understand or sympathize for some support/motivation. Also let me make this clear that if you are going to comment how you have 3 kids (as opposed to my 2), commute 4 hours, get up at the butt crack of dawn for you 2 hr workout, have an immaculate home, kids that behave, dinner on the table at 6 sharp...etc....please don't.

A few years ago my full time job went to an at home full time job. Now most mothers would think that is fantastic...me not so much. I find it VERY hard to balance my required 8 hrs of work, cooking, cleaning, homework, bathing, play time etc. Not to mention me time..ha me time...what's that? I have a 1 yr old that is extremely attached to me, matter of fact he is sitting on my lap as I type this. I love his little face, I love that I was home for all his firsts...but at the same time I LONG to go back to an office. Problem is, I can't. My husband switched jobs about a yr ago and while he is working his way up the ladder, we just can't afford for me to work outside the home...that would mean daycare costs. He's gone from 8am-8:30pm every day...might as well be a single parent. Let me also clarify that I'd love more than anything to be a stay at home mom, to give my kids my undivided attention...I just don't want to be a WORKING stay at home mom.

So with that all being said....I can't find ME time...I can't tell you the last time I used the restroom without a baby on my lap, or took a shower without little Mr peeking in or sitting in the shower with me or did the dishes without him sitting between my legs crying. This hasn't bothered me that much until now...now that I am trying to get healthy. My little angel refuses to let me workout. I'm lucky to get 20 mins in every other day and while I'm happy with 20 mins it's not enough to burn the calories I want. Especially stopping every time he reaches up for me. I can't ignore his cries...he's my baby. My day starts so early and ends so late I'm exhausted.

Anyone out there understand or relate? How do you cope? How do you not run for the door sometimes? I love my babies, I love my husband and I want to be the best mom and wife I can...and be healthy...I shouldn't have to sacrifice either so how come I can't make it happen?

Demwitted · December 2011

Does he like being outside? Maybe it's the wrong time of year where you are, but a jogging stroller might be one solution.

Maybe get a sitter a couple times a week for an hour or two so you can get in a good workout and some you time?

I'm not a mom yet, but I know plenty of moms. It's not an easy gig! Anyone who says it is= totally lying. Hang in there!

aya619 · December 2011

First of all, that is really awesome all that you do in a day. Youre a dedicated mom, and wife thats for sure.

I can't exactly relate, I have one child and work away from home. But when I get home, my son wants me the whole time. I feel bad for my husband who wants a break from being with him all day. So I started feeling guilty about getting home to go workout since I was gone all day, I almost felt selfish to want to go to work out. But if I don't do it, then I feel guilty about not working out. But a healthy mom is a happier mom.
So yeah its hard, especially with a little one. My son is almost 3 (and is too tugging on my arm saying mama mama mama as I type right now) But when he was about a yearish old I invested in a jogging stroller and went out with him. It benefited us both. He actually enjoyed the ride and calmed down while I got a workout in. If thats not an option, I also do Zumba on the Wii and he will try and join in too. It gets him moving and using his energy. My other thing that I do, is wakeup super early and go to the gym and then go to work or in your case maybe get back home before your husbandl eaves?
I don't know if that helps, but don't give up!! And you are doing a great job!!

AnarchoGen · December 2011

I'm not exactly sure what your limits are or how old your baby is, but maybe you can include him in your exercise routine and daily chores. If you can include him in these things he will develop good habits. I wish my mom included me in chores when I was younger, because I hate cleaning, but she did include me in her exercise routine, with the old Richard Simmons records lol. He can work along side you and get the attention he needs at the same time, win/win situation for both of you

There are workout videos such as mamalates and many more you can try on youtube. After I had my first kid, getting a running stroller was the best investment I ever made. I've had it since 2004 & now I use it when I go walking with my 4 y/o to pick up/drop off my son at school. She's not quite ready to walk 2 miles lol. My son is into running now, he's the fastest kid in his school (he's 8). He also did P90X with his father a couple years ago. He loves to workout, keeps his room picked up & helps around the house. He's a really good kid.

I know how you feel, I'm a SAHM but I don't have a job. My job is taking care of stuff around the house. Even then I STILL can't find the time to do everything I need to do in one day & most of the time I don't get everything done that I need to around the house. My house is no way near immaculate all the time. I do the very basic chores (kitchen, dishes, vacuum, pick up clutter) & just set everything else aside until after my workout, and some days I can't even get in a workout because I may have slept in too late. If you don't have a slow cooker that will help you out too, just put all your ingredients in the slow cooker in the morning, and it's ready by dinner.

My husband and I both worked in the aviation field so our day was 12-14 hrs away, and it wasn't easy. I can sympathize with both you and the husband.
Hope that advice helped somewhat. Just don't be hard on yourself. I don't think I could ever work from home, I could picture myself not getting anything done lol. No one should expect you to be Martha Stewart or anything

300poundsdown · December 2011

Walk outside in stroller or get the one that attaches to a bike and go for rides. You could join a gym with child care included. Try a mothers day out program where they attend 2 or 3 days a week for 3-4 hours each time. Much cheaper than daycare but gives you some time

fourleos · December 2011

I just want to say, I know exactly how you feel. I have four kids, three of them are under 4, and I feel like I can't do anything. I spend my entire day cooking, cleaning washing dishes, and then doing it all over again. Trying to find the time or energy (will power to load the kids in the car and drive to the gym) is hard. We only live a few blocks from our city's park, so when the weather's right and I'm feeling brave we walk there. But to be honest that doesn't happen often. I am trying to reinvent our menu, hoping that eatting healthier will help me at least feel more energetic and desire to work out. But so far the best I am doing is a midnight workout & shower- seems to be my only "me time".

ahjenny · December 2011

It's rough when they are that age, but I can tell you that it will get better. Soon, he'll be an independent 2 year old who is too busy for you. When you are trying to do stuff like washing dishes or cooking dinner, set him up in his high chair and let him color. Or put some water (not too much) in his high chair tray to let him splash with. Take showers at nap times or after he's gone to bed.

Since he is still attached to you, check out your community rec centers and see if there's a "mommy and me" fitness class. Or find workouts you can do with him. Make him your weight.

And speaking of which, if he'll still allow it, babywear him. Do it around the house, when you go grocery shopping, everywhere. That extra 30 pounds on your back will work you out, possibly keep him happier since he's closer to you, and will allow you to get other things done.

As for 'me time', take an hour out every week where you leave the baby with dad, grandparents, etc and just go to a store or somewhere enjoyable. Browse and take your time. Look at things you may not be able to with the little one in tow. Good luck, and remember this phase of his won't last forever.

MrsDrake678 · December 2011

I can't tell you all how much your words mean to me right now. I am happy to say I just did 42 minutes of an on demand kickboxing workout while he slept. It is easier on the weekends because of course I don't have the 8 hr job in my way. I will invest in a jogging stroller, I'm in washington so it rains a lot but I'm not afraid of a little cold weather so I'll get out there when it's not raining and bundle my baby up. My boy loves the outdoors. Big brother helps sometimes but I make it a point to let him chose when to watch his brother. I don't force him to because I want them to have a great relationship and the 6 yr age difference is already a negative. You all have such great ideas, it's a wonder I didn't think of some of them myself..that's the pure exhaustion causing the lack of thought process lol. Also hubby just brought home a treadmill so I'm hoping to get on that even if it's just 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there I WILL make it happen. Thank you all SO much! Hope everyone has a safe and fun new yrs!

valeriebpdx · December 2011

I might not have all the answers, but I can offer support. I was an editor working out of my home while my kids were small, and it is really tough. It seems like a good way to have it all, but what you really get is a) no real time to do your work b) you never leave the "office," so you are always feeling guilty about not working c) a lot of partial attention and "wait a minute" to your babies, which I am sure isn't what you want to do. I hope you don't have this, too, but I also had the added irritation of my husband acting like I was a housewife just because I was in the house all day, thinking I should somehow be able to take care of all the chores during that time as well. (If you are the one who thinks this, LET GO. You are actually doing two jobs during the day already. Housekeeping is a third, and you should drop it. Clean together on the weekends for a couple of hours and lower your standards the rest of the time.) My best advice is to try to find some uninterrupted time where you can at least focus on one thing of your choice--swap child care with another mom for exercise or coffee-fueled workathons where you get a lot done at once. Have some hours when your husband is home that are for (paid) working only, or for your exercise, and don't feel bad about saying you need to get the hell out of the house for a couple of hours on the weekend sometimes. This is going to make me look like a psycho, but I made a wall grid of the hours of my week and I stick post-its saying what I'm supposed to be doing during certain hours. Helped me visually represent that you can't fill every hour with three contradictory things. So allot some hours just for working (late night was great for me if you can swing it), allot some hours for playing with your kiddos without working, give yourself an hour for exercise a couple of times a week, and make sure your husband is doing his share on nights and weekends. Ultimately, we got through those years with enough money, we are miraculously still happily married (despite years of fighting about the state of the house and my weight), and my children are extraordinary, though I am still 30 lbs overweight (but extremely fit), so I guess I almost did it. Friend me if you like. Best wishes.

AbigailEC · December 2011

I totally sympathize. I tried to work from home too, and it's really difficult to focus on work without neglecting the little one. I have one son, with pervasive developmental disorder, so he's always been rather needy. He just turned 4, but when he was 1 he wanted to be held ALL the time. He would tolerate a stroller ok but not a swing or bouncy seat or anything-- it sounds like your little Mr. is much the same. How big is he? I ended up using a Moby carrier so I could at least have my hands free and he could be right up on my chest for cuddles still. The bad news is I didn't strengthen my back/watch my posture enough and ended up hurting my back, but if you watch your posture you can use the little dude for weight lifting and do deep knee bends and stuff with him still in the carrier. I tried baby yoga, where you get the little one to imitate you or sit on your feet for various exercises. It works good at certain stages, but for a walking child I'd recommend something more like the lady who did zumba with her kid-- anything with fun music where they can bop around with you. I also agree with valeriebpdx about encouraging Daddy time, even at this young age. My four year old is still clingy and resents being fobbed off on Dad, but a stronger relationship earlier may have prevented this. Also, if your little guy is hitting his milestones and doesn't have PDD or something, he'll likely be more than happy to have some more time with Dad's full attention as he approaches 2. Make sure all other caretakers understand that for him to be away from you successfully. they need to be FULLY engaged with him, not just watching TV or whatever. I hope you can find a successful and inexpensive way to exercise without any screaming involved. How's it going so far?

turningstar · December 2011

I just wanted to let you know that im in the same lifeboat with you. Friend me if you like. I would type more, but my son is screaming at the moment....

Mom that just can't do it all......

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