will weight loss kill my marriage????

krista010105
krista010105 Posts: 149 Member
edited October 7 in Motivation and Support
Im a 25 year old mom of 4 kids. im about 155 lbs with a good amount of belly fat to loose.
my husband is 240 lbs and has no desire to get healthy. he stopped drinking sodas and candy adn dropped 15 pounds but didnt loose any more after that month since he wasnt exercising. i kept telling him to loose any more he was going to have to eat better and start exercising. so he went back to the sodas, cups of mayo on his sandwiches, greasy fastfood burgers, eating 10 servings of coolies and brownies at once. eating the 5 scoops of ice cream, with 1/4 bottle of hot fudge and buterscotch sauce with half a container of chocolate sprinkles and hersheys kisses.

Im very serious about getting healthy and my body back and he could care less. i tell him i need his support to not bring the junk in the house and he doesnt care. now just watching him eat all this crap makes me disgusted. now i see him eat all this and watching him open his mouth for each bite of his huge bowl of icecream just makes me completely and utterly turned off by him. I cant even think about letting him touch me.

we have 4 kids total ( two are his and two from my ex) and if he doesnt want to get healthy to make his life better for his kids im afraid out marriage is going to fall apart and i will end up leaving him. there are other issues in our marriage like the typical marriage arguments over discipline, finances and stuff to add to the stress.

i really want to become a healhy family. he is the smallest person in his family and his mom died several years ago from being bed ridden with being severely overweight.

could me getting healthy and him not caring to get healthy tear us apart??????

Replies

  • MsCyone
    MsCyone Posts: 223 Member
    Thats a very tough situation to be in. The sad part is we can't make someone else get healthy if they don't want it for themselves, you could try sitting him down and telling him exactly how you're feeling and depending on how that comes out you can see where you need to go from there, good luck!!
  • shinypinkpolish
    shinypinkpolish Posts: 32
    Wow, I feel bad for you. This sounds like a scary thought, but I definitely know what you're going through. It's the same way at my house, but I haven't gotten the resentment like you have...yet! It's definitely justified on your part. When you got together you probably knew how your husband was in regards to eating/exercising, and just because you change you can't expect that he will follow. We all know it happens when a person is ready. You honestly should talk to him about your feelings of resentment though. If you flat-out tell him you are feeling like it could drive a wedge that may make him think twice. After all, you're not demanding he quit all the junk food and you are just asking him to take it away from the house. That's a fair compromise in my opinion!
  • MidwestGirlz
    MidwestGirlz Posts: 78 Member
    Someone once said to me that we ask the wrong question when trying to motivate someone to make a healthier choice. We say "do this....so you don't die" - thinking it will be a huge deterrent.

    Research shows this phrase doesn't work.

    Instead, the author told us to start saying this: What do you want to live for?
  • Pams_Shadow
    Pams_Shadow Posts: 233 Member
    Someone once said to me that we ask the wrong question when trying to motivate someone to make a healthier choice. We say "do this....so you don't die" - thinking it will be a huge deterrent.

    Research shows this phrase doesn't work.

    Instead, the author told us to start saying this: What do you want to live for?

    Nice^^
  • krista010105
    krista010105 Posts: 149 Member
    i have tried talking to him. he doesnt seam to care. he knows that if he brings junk like the brownies, cookies, icecream in the house that i will eat it. he is doing as i told him that if he has to bring in ice cream to atleast make it light and he is doing that.

    and he isnt worried about living for anything. not even his kids. he plans to die in the next few years and is always talking about he wont live long and laughs about it. he really doesnt care. i sorta think he hopes to die soon. kinda sad to say that but its true
  • amberaz
    amberaz Posts: 328 Member
    It really sounds like he is struggling with depression, and as sad as that is, even you, as his wife, cannot help him unless he wants to be helped. I think you really need to focus on yourself right now and make getting fit a priority, if for no other reason than for your kids. It is hard enough to have one parent that is perpetually unhappy, so at least you can do some things for you to achieve happiness for yourself. Maybe consider getting your husband to a couple of sessions of couples therapy? That could help him realize that he is depressed and motivate him to dig his way out of it. I am sorry you are in this tough spot.
  • krista010105
    krista010105 Posts: 149 Member
    I TRIED TO GET HIM TO DO THERAPY BOTH MARRIAGE INDIVIDUAL AND FAMILY AND HE REFUSES. HE HAS ALOT OF ISSUES FROM HIS CHILD HOOD FROM PARENTS THAT WERE NEVER THERE FOR HIM AND BEING MOLESTED SO I KNOW HE IS DEPRESSED AND STILL A VERY ANGRY PERSON I JUST WISH I COULD HELP HIM BE HAPPY. IM TRYING TO BE HAPPY AND NOT SO MUCH OF A ANGRY PERSON NOW AND TRYING TO MAKE MY LIFE BETTER SO I CAN BE A BETTER MOM. I CANT EVEN GO JUMP ON THE BOUNCE THINGS AT THE ALL DAY BOUNC HOUSE THINGS AFTER 5 MINUTES IM EXAUSED. I NEED SOME STAMINA. HE CANT GET ON CAUSE HE IS PAST THE WEIGHT LIMIT. I WANT A HAPPY FAMILY AND I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FOCUSE ON GETTING THAT BETWEEN ME AND MY KIDS I GUESS. IF HE ISNT A PART OF OUR FAMILY LIFE AND EAT WHAT WE EAT I AM JUST GOING TO HAVE TO HAVE THE STRENGTH TO NOT EAT THE CRAP HE BRINGS HOME.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    If that's all it takes, then so be it.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories