family drama help!!!

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themrsbriggs
themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
in Chit-Chat
ok guys, need your advice once again.....
my boo and i got engaged on christmas eve :) and we are super excited!!!! the only problem is his family hasn't spoken to him in months (not since summer) no NO reason what so ever. it is VERY upsetting for me to see my future husband feel unloved by his family. his mother passed away of cancer when he was 11, his dad remarried about 5 years ago. we don't live near them but that is NO excuse for how they are acting. i mean really, who doesn't call their child on holidays, their birthday, or especially when they are getting married. i know they knew because it was on facebook and his brother and sister knew. i want to call and let them have it, but i'm pretty sure that will make the situation worse. this is such a happy time and i don't want ANYTHING or ANYONE to mess that up. what should i do??

Replies

  • MayaNelson
    MayaNelson Posts: 74
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    Question - are you all calling the parents and they are not responding? Or are you waiting for them to call?
    Are they avoiding him at family get togethers or excluding him?

    If they are not reaching out - maybe they are waiting for their son to show some initiative. I can go months waiting for my son to call me - but then I always break down :)

    Maya
  • barbara1982
    barbara1982 Posts: 349 Member
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    That's a real mess! I completely understand you! We have a similar familiar situation! I hope you get some good advice! I personally don't have any idea how to handle this problem! Good luck!
  • themrsbriggs
    themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
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    he has tried calling several times but no one responds and doesn't call back :( the thing that really bothers me is that his sister who is 21 has a daughter (3yrs old) and is an exotic dancer and they are all fine with that. my man graduated from school and is a machinst. he has done so well and we have been truly blessed but his family is acting crazy!!!!!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    just playing devil's advocate here. maybe your fiance did something that is upsetting to them and didn't tell you about it because he's embarrassed? I would think at least one member would talk to him.
    I guess I'd think about your fiance before trying to talk to them. If you think he'll be upset, just leave it. But if you think he'd be grateful, then try. But I would be prepared to have your fiance become angry at you for "butting" in even if you are trying to do something good.
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Some people have crazy families, bad parents siblings, etc. I would stay out of it. I would not call them and butt in.

    If someone called me on behalf of someone else, especially to give me crap on their behalf - justified or not, I would not be happy about it. If he has a problem with his family let him work it out himself. Other people can only ruin your happiness if you let them. You just got engaged - celebrate that. Hopefully he works things out and has a relationship with his family - and if not, he'll have a great supportive wife, with or without them.
  • kbeller88
    kbeller88 Posts: 139
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    Hey my family is like that...we get into fights and dont' talk to each other for months...I've started to realize alot of stuff and its making them very ashamed and angry at themselves...if ur future hubby or u need to talk message me...I understand what its like...this past thanksgiving it was my hubby's family and thats it...my family wanted nothing to do with me or my family...just let him know you are here...trust me its a hard idea to understand but I do.
  • papastu
    papastu Posts: 737 Member
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    a road goes both ways , as my Grandmother told me, sometimes it just takes some1 to make the 1st move
  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
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    My mom doesn't call me. Ever. She hasn't met 2 of my kids and has seen the other 2 since they were babies. Did I do something wrong? Nope. That's just how she is. At some point I had to accept that this is how she is and get over it. My life is about me and my family and damn I'm happy! We have such a wonderful life. So why chase someone down that doesn't treat me in a way that I feel like a mother should? Forget that, I don't have time for it.
  • barwwd
    barwwd Posts: 63 Member
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    Family isn't necessarily blood. If he has done everything he can to contact his family and they are still not responding, it is their problem. Remind your fiance how many people he has in his life that love him and that you don't have to be genetically related to someone to consider them family. It is a really unfortunate situation, but it doesn't have to ruin your lives together. You are starting your own new family. Learn from others' mistakes and fill your lives with love and encouragement for each other, the people you care about, and if you have kids down the road, show them that love, too. Good luck... family can suck sometimes... and Happy New Year!
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
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    You should not call your fiance should, even if he has done nothing wrong. Often the guilty party (if you will) feels bad and will not reach out, or they feel overly righeous and justified for their feelings. I have had this in my family and have had to be the bigger person, suck it up, listen to whatever their issue was regardless of how trivial it was...and rectify it somehow. If he reaches out with kindness and it is not accepted then at least he tried.
  • dirtbikegirl5
    dirtbikegirl5 Posts: 391 Member
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    I am sorry that your fiance is going through this, but I know exactly the situation he is in.
    I have no relationship with my mother or father and have very little contact with my brother. However, if my husband called anyone of them up and gave them crap (which he would really like to), it would not go over well with me. We are not in a relationship for a reason and there is nothing that anyone can do about that.
    I have always felt unloved by my parents, so you know what I do about that? I made a promise to myself that my children will never wonder if they are loved. The saying that blood is thicker than water really is a crock. Sometimes you have to make your own family. Does it suck? Yes, totally. Who wants to have zero contact with your family, but sometimes is it just the way it is and you have to pick yourself up and make it work for you.
    I agree with what another poster said about celebrating your engagement. You two are a family now.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    You can't help by forcing anything to happen. You can only come across badly.

    It's your husband's issue to deal with and your job to support him.
  • Prozack1964
    Prozack1964 Posts: 318
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    sounds like my family theres nothing you can do but reasure him that all that really matters our you 2 your a new family if theothers come around great if not you still have each other and thats all that matters
  • themrsbriggs
    themrsbriggs Posts: 151 Member
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    thanks MFP! once again, your advice is greatly appreciated! i am going to be a support system for my fiance and let him handle his family. i have tried to think of things that might have gone the wrong way and i honestly cant think of any. luckily, we live 1400 miles away and dont have to deal with this if we dont want to. ill keep you all posted :) thanks again!
    p.s. my family loves him :)
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    You can't help by forcing anything to happen. You can only come across badly.

    It's your husband's issue to deal with and your job to support him.

    yep.

    just keep a low profile on this one.

    sometimes the situation you are in can be a blessing in disguise. Yes I am speaking from my own experience.
  • cobracars
    cobracars Posts: 949 Member
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    It's not your battle to fight..stay out of it...mind your own business...or any other way the words will get the message across. Focus on you and your fiance, you are the only two that matter at this point.
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    I don't believe he doesn't know .. It's just not logical for his family to just 'dump' him without a word. There is 'something' .. there is ALWAYS 'something' going on.

    Personally, if I were me and my family ... I would call .. over and over .. if no one answers or calls back after numerous attempts .. THAT would make me want to contact them even more. I would be freaked with worry. THAT's just my nature. I would call, and call, at different times to make contact with someone .. to see if everything is alright at the homefront. THEN, after the initial freakout calms down, I would further give them a blast about not contacting me and making me worry like that.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    I don't believe he doesn't know .. It's just not logical for his family to just 'dump' him without a word. There is 'something' .. there is ALWAYS 'something' going on.

    Personally, if I were me and my family ... I would call .. over and over .. if no one answers or calls back after numerous attempts .. THAT would make me want to contact them even more. I would be freaked with worry. THAT's just my nature. I would call, and call, at different times to make contact with someone .. to see if everything is alright at the homefront. THEN, after the initial freakout calms down, I would further give them a blast about not contacting me and making me worry like that.

    we must be related. lol i have a family that is in contact constantly. my husbands family not so much and that was strangely odd to me.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    They're jealous of your weight loss.

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