Did she just say that?

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  • sunnyd52
    sunnyd52 Posts: 48
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    I hear ya girl. I have a great mom also and she does the same thing. I've lost 35 LBS since Aug and have about 50 more to go. First she makes all kinds of remarks about me gaining weight and then she says, "don't lose to much or you'll make yourself sick". You just have to do it for yourself. You did a great job and you look beautiful in your photo. Stay with MFP and you'll get all the support you need :flowerforyou:
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    Why discount all the positive comments to focus on the one negative one?

    Because the negative one came from the person who she cares a lot about ... her MOTHER.. duh

    High-five on missing the point of the comment.

    I think you are the one missing the point. The words from our mothers can scar us like nothing else. If you can shrug it off, all the better for you. Most of us can't.
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    Its a mom thing, hon. I know my own mother loves me dearly, and would scratch out anyone's eyes if they tried to hurt me, but guess what one of my birthday presents was from her last week? She gave me a gift bag FILLED with Walmart vanilla creme horns(my eternal weakness--oh the delicious creamy goodness)!!!????!!! What the heck!? I laughed out loud, thanked her sincerely, took them home and put them in the freezer. I plan to take them out serve them to her when she comes to visit...Mwhaaahahaah!!!
  • charlenekco
    charlenekco Posts: 20
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    I'm so sorry you had to hear those remarks. Just remember who you lost the weight for.

    You are already an inspriation to me.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Why discount all the positive comments to focus on the one negative one?

    Because the negative one came from the person who she cares a lot about ... her MOTHER.. duh

    High-five on missing the point of the comment.

    I think you are the one missing the point. The words from our mothers can scar us like nothing else. If you can shrug it off, all the better for you. Most of us can't.
    Oh wow, more MFP geniuses. I didn't somehow miss the importance of her mother. I have one as well.

    Here's the point
    TRY FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVE INSTEAD OF THE NEGATIVE.

    Sometimes you have to force yourself to do it.
  • mareowner
    mareowner Posts: 26
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    Wouldn't it be neat if we could pick our family, not just our friends? You look great and probably feel like a millon bucks. I encourage you to forgive and let go to get peace. I would bet she has a lot of amazing things to say every once in a while when your not there. Focus on the positive as she isn't perfect and she will return the favor for you or someone close to you.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Its a mom thing, hon. I know my own mother loves me dearly, and would scratch out anyone's eyes if they tried to hurt me, but guess what one of my birthday presents was from her last week? She gave me a gift bag FILLED with Walmart vanilla creme horns(my eternal weakness--oh the delicious creamy goodness)!!!????!!! What the heck!? I laughed out loud, thanked her sincerely, took them home and put them in the freezer. I plan to take them out serve them to her when she comes to visit...Mwhaaahahaah!!!


    BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!

    NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    Its a mom thing, hon. I know my own mother loves me dearly, and would scratch out anyone's eyes if they tried to hurt me, but guess what one of my birthday presents was from her last week? She gave me a gift bag FILLED with Walmart vanilla creme horns(my eternal weakness--oh the delicious creamy goodness)!!!????!!! What the heck!? I laughed out loud, thanked her sincerely, took them home and put them in the freezer. I plan to take them out serve them to her when she comes to visit...Mwhaaahahaah!!!


    BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!

    NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    P.S. I did eat one for breakfast this am before they all went into the freezer(dutifully logged in, bleah!), it was truly delicious, and will haunt my dreams for quite some time...cursed be the love of a mother...
  • goodfriene
    goodfriene Posts: 6
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    Let it go. Don't let her negative comment impede your success. YOU HAVE DONE GREAT!! CONGRATULATIONS!
  • weaverfit
    weaverfit Posts: 124
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    I think people get used to you looking a certain way - they have a mental picture in their head. When you turn up looking different, sometimes it's hard for them to handle. And, it could be that you're a reminder to her of her struggles. She's seen your success but doesn't believe she an achieve the same, maybe. I know family comments are the hardest to take, so try to "let it go." Easier said than done, no doubt, but you need to.
  • DianaJaneD
    DianaJaneD Posts: 157 Member
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    I don't know if this helps, but I noticed you said Mom's "always been there for me". That makes me think she wouldn't purposely hurt you. The older my Dad gets, the more I try to let things he might say wrong just roll off. I know he loves me. Your Mom has seen her daughter change greatly over the last months and maybe that makes her insecure. Maybe it would help to express to her how that made you feel and why you feel absolutely healthy and great the way you are now. Hugs to you!
  • ItsTerriC
    ItsTerriC Posts: 436 Member
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    Why discount all the positive comments to focus on the one negative one?

    Because the negative one came from the person who she cares a lot about ... her MOTHER.. duh

    This is so true. One negative comment from someone you love can make you feel horrible and undo all of the nice things they, or anyone, might say.

    You do look great, and I'm sure your mom thinks so too.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
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    You look great. And I can so relate to a mom who can hardly give a compliment... my mother was great at back-handed compliments and was very selfish. She also had some major issues to deal with in life. She's dead now and I'd love to hear even an insult from her... LOL. Anyway... you look wonderful, you should be very proud of yourself.

    Moms' comments hurt the worst, especially for daughters, I'd imagine. I'm not a mom yet but I can imagine it's going to be a bond like no other... Maybe they feel they can say things and we won't take it to heart?? I don't know... Of course we take it to heart :-)

    Keep doing what you're doing no matter who says what. You look great!
  • redheadc2
    redheadc2 Posts: 29 Member
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    My mother has done something similar. It took me stating into her eyes that this was my battle that I am not going to listen to her say I can't win the battle or anything negative and that if she continued I would not see her again...

    needless to say this was a month after her comment and I had calmed down quite a bit. 6 months latter and she finally said to me. I understand what you mean now and support you every step of your way.

    Congratulations on your weight loss! Keep the battle going as the hardest part is battling it with family attacking too.

    (by the way my mother has since started her weight loss journey, because of my modeling the behavior)
  • FrosJennBug
    FrosJennBug Posts: 4
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    I understand how you feel. My MIL has tremendous self esteem issues when it comes to her weight. Her mother would even tell her the same "saggy skin" thing, that she looked better when her skin was a little more full. I lost my baby weight with my first baby back in 2006, and my MIL told me I was scary skinny. I weighed 118 lbs, just two lbs less than prepregnancy. At 5'0, I actually could have weighed less and still been perfectly healthy. I tell her now that my goal weight is to get from 155 to 120. She brings up how scary skinny I was and I want to punch her in her face. She's two inches taller than me and will starve herself (calories below 1000, no exercise) down to 105 lbs, but I'm scary skinny at 120? Grrr.

    Sorry about that. I guess I needed to vent, hehe.

    ~Jenn
  • marcia724
    marcia724 Posts: 180 Member
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    Amazing! My mom is the exact same way! She is heavy, and always has been. She thinks that people who try to stay thin, watch what they eat and exercise are vein. She has told me that I'm too thin and my face doesn't look right...when I'm at a great weight and super happy with myself! You just have to try and shut her words out. She's jealous! I know that's why my mom says the same thing.
  • FitRodr
    FitRodr Posts: 353 Member
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    Why discount all the positive comments to focus on the one negative one?

    Because the negative one came from the person who she cares a lot about ... her MOTHER.. duh

    Thank you exactly
  • FitRodr
    FitRodr Posts: 353 Member
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    I used to tell my kids, sometimes the sun is bright and shining but you can't see it thru the clouds. That's the way I've felt since her comments. Truly everyone else that's seen me is very positive. I feel great! I look in the mirror and see hard work & dedication. It's not as easy as not talking to her anymore but I will have a conversation with her when the time is appropriate.

    I've accomplished so much this year & she'll just have to get used to it. I respect her and need her to respect my choice to be healthy.

    Thanks for all of the comments... several different ways to approach it and I feel better after venting to my MFP friends.

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