PRETENDING TO NOT LOVE SOMEONE WHEN YOU DO?
farfalledibaciodinotte
Posts: 181 Member
Ok, so.... my ex and I have recently started communicating a little in the last week. When our relationship ended it was kind of a FLASH BANG BOOM kind of breakup... no closure, I left.. just to step out of the situation, and look and see what went wrong. we both had some pretty big things to work on, in the breakup and now the months that have followed, we still care very much for eachother, but it's kind of a "let's start as friends again, and see where or if it leads anywhere" my only problem is I never stopped loving him, and I'm confused as to how I'm supposed to play it off as I'm not "interested in him" or that I am not in love with him.
am I nuts for even agreeing to this? Or should I just move on ? I don't think I can handle this pretending game. Seeing him be single and talking to other girls would kill me.. even though he's said he's just focusing on himself and since we were both hurt pretty bad when someone committed fraud and extortion against us...
how do I approach this?
am I nuts for even agreeing to this? Or should I just move on ? I don't think I can handle this pretending game. Seeing him be single and talking to other girls would kill me.. even though he's said he's just focusing on himself and since we were both hurt pretty bad when someone committed fraud and extortion against us...
how do I approach this?
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Replies
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I am a proponent of open communication, so I think you should ask him and tell him. However, I am also a person who don't really have any firm emotional boundaries, when sometimes I probably should have.0
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I personally wear my heart on my sleeve always. I'd rather have regret for telling someone I care about them, than to always second guess myself.0
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Always be truthful to your feelings.. as tomorrow my be too late.0
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Just because you love someone doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with that person. There were obviously issues before since you broke up; if those things haven't been resolved, then jumping back into a relationship is only going to make things worse.
That being said, if you know you can't be "just friends" because of your feelings for him, don't tell him that you can. That's a lie, and that's not how you want to begin the process of fixing whatever went wrong between the two of you. Be honest about how you feel, and let him decide how he wants to handle it.0 -
see that's my reasoning completely. I can't stand the fact that you know.. tomorrow is not guaranteed, and not knowing if he knows I love him.. or if he even cares. like I don't want to come off as desperate, but like.. I really am.. I mean when you know you love someone and it's not just an infatuation... it's hard to think of your life without that person.0
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Man, I would love to know too. I am in no position to give any advice tho that's for sure, I'm not sure if I am staying thinking a great love lost still may have pilot life waiting to be sparked or out of some deep seated commitment to loyalty or just the fear of the unknown. At least you had the sense to stand back and evaluate. Good luck.0
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see that's my reasoning completely. I can't stand the fact that you know.. tomorrow is not guaranteed, and not knowing if he knows I love him.. or if he even cares. like I don't want to come off as desperate, but like.. I really am.. I mean when you know you love someone and it's not just an infatuation... it's hard to think of your life without that person.
Yes you risk heartache putting yourself out there, but if you really love someone what choice do you have?0 -
LOL my gut is saying he's the love of my life.. and that we're supposed to be together.. We've talked about it.. and being that now since the breakup we now live in two separate states..makes things pretty tough..0
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You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.0 -
Maybe, just maybe, could you both feel the same way and be afraid to admit it?
We broke up, yeah it's tough,
most guys would've been crushed
Wastin' their time wonderin' where they went wrong
No way, not me hey I'm doin' just fine I'm not afraid of movin' on,
it's Easy...goin' out on Friday nights
Easy...every time I see her out I can smile,
live it up the way a single guy does
But what she, what she don't know
Is how hard it is to make it look so Easy
The truth is I miss lyin' in those arms of his
But I don't ever let it show
I laugh and I act like I'm havin' the time of my life
As far as he knows,
it's Easy...goin' out on a Friday night
Easy...every time I see him out I can smile,
live it up the way a single girl does
But what he, what he don't know
Is how hard it is to make it look so Easy
Oh it's easy Oh it's easy...goin' out on a Friday night
Oh it's easy...every time I see him out I can smile
Live it up Forget about the way it was
But what she, Oh but what he don't know
What she don't know Is how hard it is to make it look so...easy Looks so easy
(thanks to Rascal Flatts...wish I could take credit, but...ya know... )0 -
Do you see him as returning your feelings or are you a plan B for him?
My guess is the latter but of course no way I can know for sure.
If that is the case and you know it deep down then as much as it may be painful today,walk away.
There is no point in devoting your heart and life to a man that sees you only as a fall back for companionship or perhaps physical intimacy.0 -
You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
^^This...0 -
You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
^^This...
Or, maybe you need for him to truly break your heart. I needed to try something again only to realize... "WTF was I thinking loving him in the first place?"
And, as TankGirl recently introduced me, I shall introduce you to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6b4BU8N9mo&ob=av2n
(the uncensored version has more "win")0 -
You can do it!0
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You can do it!
You should really think about being a motivational speaker - and be sure to hand out flowers.0 -
Move on. Loving someone doesn't mean you're in love, and you can love someone very much who is the absolute wrong person for you. Both of you have things to work on ... so keep working on those things, get yourself right inside, and then seek out a partner that makes you truly happy.0
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LMFAOYou can do it!
You should really think about being a motivational speaker - and be sure to hand out flowers.0 -
I personally wear my heart on my sleeve always. I'd rather have regret for telling someone I care about them, than to always second guess myself.
I do the same thing0 -
the biggest thing is dont pretend thats being fake or same as lying it will make it worst just be honest and really talk to each other from the heart0
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Move on. Loving someone doesn't mean you're in love, and you can love someone very much who is the absolute wrong person for you. Both of you have things to work on ... so keep working on those things, get yourself right inside, and then seek out a partner that makes you truly happy.
I agree. Also, loving someone also doesn't mean you are meant to be together forever. He's the love of your life right NOW. Think about what you NEED and not what you WANT. This is a very important distinction. Another important distinction is the difference between happiness and pleasure. Happiness isn't what makes you FEEL good, it's what is good for you.0 -
Never lie or hide your feelings. Also know when it's time to walk away. You are young, don't settle for almost good enough.. Wait for that man or woman who wants you to be the only girl they love all their life.
That said...I know nothing.... And shouldn't give any advice on love0 -
In an honest, healthy relationship, you should not need to play games. If being honest is going to drive him away, then he's not right for you.0
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Telling him that you still care for him and then asking for his feelings is a win win situation. Maybe he still cares for you, and if so, you can try to make things work. However, if he says that he has moved on or just wants to be friends, you KNOW and you can move on too.
Personally, I'd much rather be in the hell of getting over an unrequited love - which is temporary - than indefinitely be in the purgatory of not knowing.0 -
You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
I guess everyone who doesn't quite know the situation finds it easy to say MOVE ON.. well after being with this person and being engaged.. and going through things such as miscarriages and loss of children.. yeah.. not so simple to SIMPLY MOVE ON. meh.. seems pointless to ask advice lol0 -
Move on. Loving someone doesn't mean you're in love, and you can love someone very much who is the absolute wrong person for you. Both of you have things to work on ... so keep working on those things, get yourself right inside, and then seek out a partner that makes you truly happy.
umm I remember writing in there.. that umm.. I am still IN love with him. lmao pointless to argue lol0 -
Well, it seems you've asked a pointless question since you've already got it figured out...0
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You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
I guess everyone who doesn't quite know the situation finds it easy to say MOVE ON.. well after being with this person and being engaged.. and going through things such as miscarriages and loss of children.. yeah.. not so simple to SIMPLY MOVE ON. meh.. seems pointless to ask advice lol
We're a bunch of strangers on a message board. We only know what you told us.
My life experience says you are going to get hurt. Do with that what you will.0 -
I have been in your shoes... the key is to be honest. You either love him or you don't. He either loves you, or he doesn't. Sometimes you THINK you are "in love" with someone when instead you just may love. Pretending or playing house isn't a reason to be with someone... only YOU know the answer to this... maybe just not right this minute.0
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You're only 22. Move on.
We always learn from these types of situations, but we rarely seem to apply the lessons until the next relationship.
I guess everyone who doesn't quite know the situation finds it easy to say MOVE ON.. well after being with this person and being engaged.. and going through things such as miscarriages and loss of children.. yeah.. not so simple to SIMPLY MOVE ON. meh.. seems pointless to ask advice lol
We're a bunch of strangers on a message board. We only know what you told us.
My life experience says you are going to get hurt. Do with that what you will.
i agree a...you aske d abunch of strangers cannot really get upset with their responses. In my experience you can ask all the advice you want but at the end of the day you alreayd know what you re going to do so quit wasting your time and do what you already know0 -
Well, it seems you've asked a pointless question since you've already got it figured out...
Another please tell me just what I want to hear even though it is different then what I know.
To the OP,given the new info provided what then are the details of the break up,you are leaving a lot out of this.
Did he leave you and why,did you tell him to go and again why?0
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