Feeling discouraged and confused...because of other people..

tilzie · January 2012

I apologize in advance that this is going to be a bit of a vent.

Prior to christmas while I had only lost a few (3) kilos I had lost a fair few centimeters around my body causin my body to change shape somewhat dramatically - especially in my favourite clothes. At Christmas I headed to the beach with friends for Christmas and new years... A dieters worse nightmare...not being able to control calories for 14 dys especially because i had been soon so well. I decided to relax my eating plan while I was away and allow myself to drink alcohol.

So of course on Christmas I over indulge a little, I eat a bit of dessert and I have champagne and whiskey and angreat time. Until a friend makes some comment on how I don't eat or drink like I use to and I'm not as fun. I ignore it and move on with my night. The next morning I wake up and go for a run on the beach (as I continued to do every morning I was there) and a walk along the beach at night. A few of my Friends were almost put out by exercise and kept making comments about how I'm different and should just relax and how I shouldn't try to loose weight because Ive always been 'chubby' and that's just who I am. It's almost like they didn't want me to get slimmer. I'm not sure but it really upset me. the comments continued throughout the week and while i tried to ignore them they have really got to me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone got any advice? I definitely didn't over count my calories or over exercise I took it very lightly in fact but maybe I am being over the top... I don't know. I just feel discouraged as I had hoped that people would have been supportive of my decision to lose weight.

tifftaffy · January 2012

It's not uncommon for friends to be resistant to the change you want to make in yourself, even though it is what you want... perhaps it's making them feel afraid of the change they need or should have in their lifestyle? But to be honest, this change you are making is what you want, right? I say, do what you need to do for yourself... and as long as it doesn't negatively effect anyone... forget them and/or their negative comments/behaviors/etc.

I forgot to mention...

I've felt this negative reaction before in going vegan/vegetarian. I didn't ask for anyone to do this with me or for me... I was just making a change in my life, I cooked my own meals, etc. I didn't force it or my belief on anyone... and yet, GOOD GRIEF, I got a lot of resistance to it. I'd get the jokes making fun of what I was eating, people constantly offering their food or talking to me about what they were going to eat for lunch/dinner (meat). Not to mention how bad "pot lucks" at work were. I'm not offended that people eat meat, I just chose not to. It's kind of laughable, since I didn't say negative things about what they were eating. It was tough, but I just reminded myself, about the advice I posted above.... My diet/exercise choices are mine, what I choose to do/eat/say is up to me, and as long as what I'm doing is not hurting anyone, I can chose to ignore the comments/behaviors of my "friends" (family, whomever).

siouxana · January 2012

People sometimes have difficulty accepting your decisions to make a personal change. They fear tha changing your body might change your personality, which is not very likely to happen. They also feel threatened because it makes them more aware of changes they could or should make, but aren't ready to do yet. People want to keep you in their comfort zone. They want you to stay the same because that's what's familliar to them. Don't let other people's insecurities interfere with your success. You are doing this to find your own comfort zone. It is much more important that you do what it takes to feel good about yourself. Everyone else will adjust as you go along. The transition is not nearly as difficult for them as it is for you. Ignore what the say. They will get used to the new you. But, it's really a shame that they weren't more supportive. They should've been praising you efforts. They don't because they are jealous that you have motivation to be the best you possible, and they are settling for less just being who they always have been. I don't mean to disrespect people in your life, but they were being very small. They should've just smiled aqqwnd said good job, and accepted the new you. I think they feel guilty because they know they need to make some of the same changes you have. Keep your head up. You're being a good example for others on positive change. They just aren't ready yet. Don't stop doing what you're doing. You are worth the effort!

Flissbo · January 2012

Yep! Get this all the time! Soooooo annoying, they are just jealous. It hurts to start with but after a while you will be able to laugh about it :laugh:

MDWilliams1857 · January 2012

People that cant pick themselves up will always try to drag you down. Do your thing and try not to let it get to you.

Rae9911 · January 2012

It does hurt when you get the comments but you have to remember that you are doing this for you not them. I get comments all the time from my mum that I am obsessed with my calories and diet. I used to reply that it is not a diet but a lifestyle change. Now I just ignore it and say ok mum. At the end of the day I have a wonderful and supportive husband who has backed me all the way in changing my lifestyle.

There are times when I could crack and eat something I shouldn't and he just smiles at me and says "Do you really need that". I always smile back and reply no then put it back lol.

You have have done well so far so just keep up the good work and remember that all of us on here at MFP are in the same boat and here for each other.

zombiefruit · January 2012

I think a lot of the time, behaviour like this stems from a sense that they should be doing the same thing you are... But aren't.

kenyonsmom10 · January 2012

Just do what YOU want. If your friends don't support you being healthy, they aren't much of friends. I think they are probably not wanting you to change because they themselves are not confident. Just Keep Up The Great Work! Don't EVER let ANYONE bring you down or talk you out of being HEALTHY!!! You go girl!

cramernh · January 2012

I apologize in advance that this is going to be a bit of a vent.

Prior to christmas while I had only lost a few (3) kilos I had lost a fair few centimeters around my body causin my body to change shape somewhat dramatically - especially in my favourite clothes. At Christmas I headed to the beach with friends for Christmas and new years... A dieters worse nightmare...not being able to control calories for 14 dys especially because i had been soon so well. I decided to relax my eating plan while I was away and allow myself to drink alcohol.

So of course on Christmas I over indulge a little, I eat a bit of dessert and I have champagne and whiskey and angreat time. Until a friend makes some comment on how I don't eat or drink like I use to and I'm not as fun. I ignore it and move on with my night. The next morning I wake up and go for a run on the beach (as I continued to do every morning I was there) and a walk along the beach at night. A few of my Friends were almost put out by exercise and kept making comments about how I'm different and should just relax and how I shouldn't try to loose weight because Ive always been 'chubby' and that's just who I am. It's almost like they didn't want me to get slimmer. I'm not sure but it really upset me. the comments continued throughout the week and while i tried to ignore them they have really got to me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone got any advice? I definitely didn't over count my calories or over exercise I took it very lightly in fact but maybe I am being over the top... I don't know. I just feel discouraged as I had hoped that people would have been supportive of my decision to lose weight.

Youre still calling them friends.....WHY??????

Oh yeah..Ive gone through this, and it ended immediately right there. With my having the last say.

buzzcogs · January 2012

On a more positive note, they are your friends and love you. They may be subconsciencely upset that you may "change" too much and they will lose the person they love. Irrational, yes! Just smile, ignore them and keep up the good work.

MaximalLife · January 2012

I apologize in advance that this is going to be a bit of a vent.

Prior to christmas while I had only lost a few (3) kilos I had lost a fair few centimeters around my body causin my body to change shape somewhat dramatically - especially in my favourite clothes. At Christmas I headed to the beach with friends for Christmas and new years... A dieters worse nightmare...not being able to control calories for 14 dys especially because i had been soon so well. I decided to relax my eating plan while I was away and allow myself to drink alcohol.

So of course on Christmas I over indulge a little, I eat a bit of dessert and I have champagne and whiskey and angreat time. Until a friend makes some comment on how I don't eat or drink like I use to and I'm not as fun. I ignore it and move on with my night. The next morning I wake up and go for a run on the beach (as I continued to do every morning I was there) and a walk along the beach at night. A few of my Friends were almost put out by exercise and kept making comments about how I'm different and should just relax and how I shouldn't try to loose weight because Ive always been 'chubby' and that's just who I am. It's almost like they didn't want me to get slimmer. I'm not sure but it really upset me. the comments continued throughout the week and while i tried to ignore them they have really got to me.

Has anyone else experienced this? Anyone got any advice? I definitely didn't over count my calories or over exercise I took it very lightly in fact but maybe I am being over the top... I don't know. I just feel discouraged as I had hoped that people would have been supportive of my decision to lose weight.

Advice - yes....and you won't like it.

And YES, I had to do this very thing.

Severe your connections with old friends.
Nature abhors a vacuum, so expect that other like-mined people will fill that void.
Like attracts like.

My fat friends all were threatened by my weight loss and new healthy lifestyle - very jealous! They seethed with envy.
And every chance they got to get me to stray, they did.

No more of that!
I have new friends on the same page with a common interest in health and fitness.

Life is GREAT fit - miserable fat, and I don't miss the old crowd one bit.

slimfiona · January 2012

I went through a similar thing before, just remember you are losing weight and getting in shape for yourself and dont worry about what your friends say at end of the day they should be supporting you and you carry on what you are doing, and from what I read from your status well done and as for your friends if they cant accept the change in you then thats their problem not yours or they could be jealous of your new found confidence. Anyway you go girl!!!!

cramernh · January 2012

On a more positive note, they are your friends and love you. They may be subconsciencely upset that you may "change" too much and they will lose the person they love. Irrational, yes! Just smile, ignore them and keep up the good work.

If they were her TRUE friends, they wouldnt be giving her CRAP to begin with...

LooseWheel · January 2012

Others comments can certainly come accross as agressive due to their own guilt. If they couldn't be bothered or cant find the motivation to get up and move to look after themselves, why should you make them look bad. Thats just what may very well be in their heads sweetie. Stay on track, stay focused on your goals, these comments can be brushed aside and left on their own never to think about again, it's not worth the time to think of it. You can stick with things and hopefully, eventually their attention and motivation and also curiosity will grow. You are sticking with things, they are seeing you stay with this awesome self focus and hopefully they will ask you why, what, when, where, how and who do they speak to get the same as you and thats where you say, "You speak to yourself", "You find yourself, you find your inner motivation and support from within".

I think these comments are a positive sign you ARE doing the righ thing mate. You are making others notice there is something different about you and deep down they want a piece of the same. If they can first make you stop doing it and be like them again doing nothing, thats the lazy easy first attack. Then the curiosity steps up and they change focus from attack to interest enough to want a part of what you got going on!

Be strong, Power on, You are a beautiful independant woman who has heads turning and people talking my dear! Be very very proud of what you have done so far. It is not in the scale loss amount, it is completely in the attitude change you have now and thats what has to stay strong, thats what has to not be detered by others comments ok.

You are doing so well mate :happy:

Cheers
Louisa

harlylena · January 2012

I know it's hurtful but all I could think about as I read was: 'be damned proud because all your work is obviously paying off if it's causing such ruckus'. So be proud, hold your head up high and keep rocking it. Imagine what it'll be like when you reach your goals. ROCK ON GIRL!

Oh and since I'm on a Dr.Seuss kick today here's a quote:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

phumphrey1 · January 2012

I admire you for taking steps to improve your health. Many people do not have the discipline to follow through with anything and therefore when they see someone making positive changes they tend to criticize instead of support. It is a way they compensate for their own short comings. So what if you got a little ribbing for exercising... You felt great afterwards didn't you? You are the one who has to live with the decisions that you make so keep up the good work. Do not get discouraged, just smile and keep putting one foot in front of the other (so to speak). You are beginning to see your hard work paying off. Let that be your motivation.

annemama · January 2012

Ah, this isn't even really about YOU, its about THEM.

Here is what they SAY..................{and Here is what they MEAN}

"Relax, why do you need to exercise on holiday?"............{"Hey, I'm too lazy to get out of bed before 10 and you make me look bad"}

"Why do you have to diet/count calories?".......{"Hey, everybody look at her so I can stuff my face with chips/ beer/ cheesecake while you're not looking!"}

You are making fantastic choices! Just smile and remember what they are REALLY saying.

cuddlyrunner · January 2012

I do get where you're coming from. I have a great group of neighbours with plenty of bbqs and we always do New Years Eve together in a garage party. I've lived here for twenty years. I used to be with one of the neighbours (he lived opposite me) and we were all fairly big social drinkers. We broke up and he moved away a year or so later (totally amicable -he later came to my wedding and had been round to install a toilet with my new hubby). My hubby is teetotal and naturally i have come to drink less over the last few years. He doesn't like me drinking but would never say I couldn't before anyone thinks that.
One of my neighbours is always commenting about how I'm no fun any more and made a real big issue this year about me only having a couple of glasses of wine.
I have decided it is HER problem not MINE. I feel better for not drinking loads and if it means I actually remember everything I do, all the better!

Feeling discouraged and confused...because of other people..

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