I need to make a decision, advice needed

What you need is not to push him or move on. You need to really look at why you want to get married. You say yourself it's just because of pressure from other people. The heck with them! They aren't the ones getting married, you are.

Live your life the way you want. Don't live it for someone else.

Do you love your man? And how about that new baby? Would a form filed with the government and an expensive party really make all that perfect? Naaah. Listen it's not like if you're married you'll be together forever. People act like divorce doesn't exist. Most people divorce. Marriage is no more permanent than dating.

Be in love and be happy. What else do you need?

This.

I think that if you love him and you know that he loves you and it isn't ACTUALLY important to you to get married just everyone else then why would you give up such a great relationship? it is not easy to find someone who will really love you be faithful to you and treat you right and if that is what you have I say stay with it. but if you really do want to get married judging by how you say he dealt with it when you brought up wanting to have a baby I think you should go to him about it. I'm not saying propose to him because that might be a bit much but tell him how you really feel. let him know that when you talk about marriage you are serious and that you want to get married sooner rather than later. I mean because if he's been with you this long, wants to live with you and wanted to have a baby with you then he obviously wants to be with you and most likely forever.

I think that if you love him and you know that he loves you and it isn't ACTUALLY important to you to get married just everyone else then why would you give up such a great relationship? it is not easy to find someone who will really love you be faithful to you and treat you right and if that is what you have I say stay with it. but if you really do want to get married judging by how you say he dealt with it when you brought up wanting to have a baby I think you should go to him about it. I'm not saying propose to him because that might be a bit much but tell him how you really feel. let him know that when you talk about marriage you are serious and that you want to get married sooner rather than later. I mean because if he's been with you this long, wants to live with you and wanted to have a baby with you then he obviously wants to be with you and most likely forever.

Getting married because other people think you should is one of the worst reasons I can think of to do so.

When you move in with a guy and have a kid with him before getting married, you're not setting yourself up in the best position for getting married. But if you still want to get married, you have to tell him and set a timeline for an engagement and a marriage. If he can't do that, then you have to make a decision if getting married is more important than being with him.

What you need is not to push him or move on. You need to really look at why you want to get married. You say yourself it's just because of pressure from other people. The heck with them! They aren't the ones getting married, you are.

Live your life the way you want. Don't live it for someone else.

Do you love your man? And how about that new baby? Would a form filed with the government and an expensive party really make all that perfect? Naaah. Listen it's not like if you're married you'll be together forever. People act like divorce doesn't exist. Most people divorce. Marriage is no more permanent than dating.

Be in love and be happy. What else do you need?

Right on! At the end of the day, you need to think about what's right for yourself, not what others want for you.

I'm sorry but you need to move this guy along, there is no bigger reason to need to get married than the fact that you have a child. If he is not ready to commit now then you need to move on and find someone that will jump at the chance to marry you. Don't wait for a man to commit. Marrying you should not be an option for him, it needs to happen, he's a man he should at like one and step up.

From experience:

I'm 25 and was with the same man from 15 years old to 22. We were together for 7 years doing GREAT and living together. Some of my famiy pressured us into getting married because living together, not married, etc is sin, etc etc. I am not an extremely religious person, nor is he. So, we never really talked about marriage. We were happy and content as just "bf/gf".

Anyways, when I turned 22 we finally decided to get married because his parents wanted to see him get married, my Mom asking about it so much. Blah blah. Well, 4 months later. We separated and divorced. Marriage put a huge burden on what was already great for us.

I regret ever getting married. I loved/love him so much and was so happy. But, the pressure of marriage and the expectations that came with the marriage hurt us for some reason.

We are still friends and a lot of other crap has happened since we separated. But, stayed friends and are even talking about working things out and not getting remarried.

He ended up finding a gf before we divorced, had a kid, etc etc.

My point, I personally see no reason what-so-ever to get married if it's not WHAT YOU WANT. This is YOUR life. You need to live it how you want to. If you're happy then your family and friends should be happy for you. Live your life for yourself. Not to make everyone else happy cause it may come back around and bite you in the *kitten*.

I really hope it all works out. I don't know if this answers your questions of waiting or not and how long. But, I personally think you should do what makes you happy and what makes him happy.

Marriage doesn't make a relationship. It makes it "official", yes. But, are you happy? Content? Willing to live with him without marriage? You are having sex and had a child, but not living together cause it's not right?

Hope things work out for the best!

When you move in with a guy and have a kid with him before getting married, you're not setting yourself up in the best position for getting married. But if you still want to get married, you have to tell him and set a timeline for an engagement and a marriage. If he can't do that, then you have to make a decision if getting married is more important than being with him.

I'd have to agree by wanting the child before marriage puts you in an awkward positionn and as someone else suggested why not ask him to marry you. You will know then and there his feelings at which point you know what to do next.

Personally - I wanted to be married before kids - and I got married in 2010.
I have been with my husband for 5 years. We both talked about it on and off - and it was something we both wanted.
Is it something you both want? In todays society - though some are traditional - its not look at the same way.
It is pricey - but to me - that piece of paper meant a lot. I know they say that 50% of marriages end in divorce - however I refuse to become a statistic - and I believe my husband has the same mindset. You can work through things - but I think a lot of people rush into marriage - and that's why it ends poorly. You sound like you have been with your "spouse" for quite some time - so it wouldnt be rushed...
I dont know if anything I said makes much sense - but I am pro-marriage. I guess that's my point. Just make sure you know what you are getting into. Dont push him to it - but talk about it. You need a good line of communication if you are going to make it in the long haul either way : )

What you need is not to push him or move on. You need to really look at why you want to get married. You say yourself it's just because of pressure from other people. The heck with them! They aren't the ones getting married, you are.

Live your life the way you want. Don't live it for someone else.

Do you love your man? And how about that new baby? Would a form filed with the government and an expensive party really make all that perfect? Naaah. Listen it's not like if you're married you'll be together forever. People act like divorce doesn't exist. Most people divorce. Marriage is no more permanent than dating.

Be in love and be happy. What else do you need?


But mostly keep in mind this is the advice of a man who can barely tie his shoes. Take it with a grain of salt but then drink lots of water. Also if you're actually in Jamaica that may void everything I said...

And do you just want to get married? Or do you want to get married to this man who gave you a baby?
I'm swayed to really give any advice here...I've been in your shoes, I got married to him, and it didn't last. But I've also seen it work the other way.
I wish you the best of luck.
And in the end, take care of that baby. And raise her together.

Sometimes the pressure of asking (affording the ring, the wedding, etc.) holds some guys back. Maybe he is afriad you'll say no! B/C if I read this right, he asked you to move in and you said no but you have a child together? Are you sure you want to get married? He's going to be in your life regardless of marriage--A child is a life time committment, marriage isn't necessarily. If you really want to get married ask him.

My current fiance and I (before he became my fiance) had always talked about marriage, we both knew we wanted it, but he was waiting because he wanted to have the perfect amount of money saved up to give me a dream fairytale wedding. What he didn't know is that I only wanted a small, simple ceremony and all I wanted was to be committed to him. Once I expressed that I was frustrated and told him our ceremony wouldn't cost tens of thousands of dollars, we set a date for 3 months out (Getting married next week, on the 13th!)

As far as living together, it all depends on YOUR beliefs (not your friends or family's or father's). In my case, we are both Christian & it's important to us to keep our marriage bed pure. However I have had a rough time with finances and my job, so I had to move in with him and we have been living together for a year. We have separate bedrooms and separate beds, and we don't have sex.

According to my beliefs (may not be yours) marriage is a LIFELONG commitment. So I would think about whether you really want to be with him or if you just want a ring on your finger & the title of being a Mrs. Good luck and I will be praying for you!

I just asked my bestie this...

WHY do you want to get married? Religious Reasons? Tax Break? How you define commitment? It's harder to "leave" (I love that one)? Others think you should?

Why... and be honest with yourself.

I'm divorced, but I would get married again someday if I actually - ya know - fell in love and all. I’m good enough to marry and someone should be damn proud to call me their wife. It’s what I want for myself and would not date someone indefinitely. I don't want a wedding. I don't want a ring. I don’t need to justify my reasons to anyone. So put that in your pipe and smoke it

We don’t live together although he wanted us to, but I just didn’t feel right about living with someone and not having a ring on my finger.

Wait..... you have a 17 month old child together and you don't live together? Despite being in a relationship for a good length of time?

He wanted to make that step but you didnt because you arent married.......

Being married doesnt make everything 'right', if you cannot live in a happy and healthy relationship with the man you love and the father of your child without a marriage certificate then what makes you think a marriage certificate is going to make any difference? Really?

I personally think if you lived together you might have more of a chance of getting married than if you continue to live separately.