No longer a doormat.

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farfalledibaciodinotte
farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I know this may come off as a bit bipolar, but those who know me.. I tend to wait for good advice to slap me in the face before I think to myself "hey that's a great idea" .

I am 22, and lately I had it in my mind that HEY I'm behind the game you know, like all of my friends from high school are having babies, getting married.. yada yada..

But last night I had a very long conversation with my aunt and sister about this, and I've basically come to the conclusion that I'm not ready to shack up and have babies and spend my life with someone. I mean sure I want to eventually, but my whole life has been based on being safe, and always planning things out. and when it comes down to it.. Settling down isn't called that for no reason.. you have to have something to SETTLE DOWN from.

I refuse any longer to be someone's doormat, or an option. I figure, if someone comes along while I'm out doing my thing.. then so be it. but I'm not going to SEARCH for Mr. right. I'm OK with being single, and not being "tied-down" that doesn't mean I'm going to go *kitten* it up.. it means I want to experience life and make memories that are worth remembering.

I used to be so infatuated with LOVE and finding THE ONE and getting married and having babies and blah blah blah.. but now it's like meh.. I'm OK. I want to do things on my own.. to not rely on anyone, or base my happiness on what others think.. there's plenty of time for that when I'm older. but for now it's all about chucking up the deuces and living for me.

Not really a question, but I'm just making a statement.. felt like writing it all down and jumping up and down and saying 'YAY ME' hahaha

Replies

  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    I'm with you on this! Although I'm on my 2nd round of this.....was married for over 14 years and have been single for 4 years now.....I've just adopted the same attitude as you. I tried to find someone right away which was a disaster.....stopped for a while.....tried again.....more disaster. I'm going to stop "looking" and just live life. Do my thing and whatever happens will happen. I love how you said "*kitten* it up"..........or not "*kitten* it up".......I say somewhere in between is perfect!
  • Begood03
    Begood03 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Too many people get married and have children before they are really ready for it. Don't be in any kind of a hurry, you will know when you are really ready for it. I was 34 when I was finally ready to be a good parent. And I have the best son in the world, I believe because I was ready to make the sacrifices it takes to raise a child correctly. Just my opinion.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    That is awesome and hope you stick with it,you have so many years ahead to make the right choices and decisions yet it only takes a second to make a wrong one.

    Let life for better or worse unfold before you,have seen too many that have a dream and are hell bent to force people and events into the dream.
    I don`t think I have ever seen that work out well.
    All those friends getting married and having babies...take an open minded look at their lives and relationships.
    How many can you honestly say right now that you know it will last for them?

    Might help to keep you focused on where you want to go and how. :smile:
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    That is awesome and hope you stick with it,you have so many years ahead to make the right choices and decisions yet it only takes a second to make a wrong one.

    Let life for better or worse unfold before you,have seen too many that have a dream and are hell bent to force people and events into the dream.
    I don`t think I have ever seen that work out well.
    All those friends getting married and having babies...take an open minded look at their lives and relationships.
    How many can you honestly say right now that you know it will last for them?

    Might help to keep you focused on where you want to go and how. :smile:

    exactly.. I mean my parents have been married for almost 27 years in may. I don't want to get married on a whim.. and hope it lasts..
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    bump
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 615 Member
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    I'm right there with you. I recently ended a long relationship and I started it way too soon after my divorce. My new years resolution (other than continuing to lose weight) was to be happy with myself and have more fun. I need to enjoy my life so my kids learn that being happy is your responsibility, it's not up to somebody else to make you happy.
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    I'm right there with you. I recently ended a long relationship and I started it way too soon after my divorce. My new years resolution (other than continuing to lose weight) was to be happy with myself and have more fun. I need to enjoy my life so my kids learn that being happy is your responsibility, it's not up to somebody else to make you happy.

    exactly!
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I was 22 when I got married. I thought just like you. I have no f'ing idea why I thought it was "time" to do it. I felt behind too.. STUPID!!!!!!!! I think it should be the law that you can't get married until you're 30 haha.

    I'm not anti marriage, not at all. But there is SO much to experience in your 20s that if you're married, you miss out. Also, I didn't have the maturity at 22 to be a wife. Annnnd people should really date around more and not settle for the 1st or 2nd one that comes along. I know way too many married people who are unhappy. Find someone that rocks your world in EVERY single sense and vice versa. Maybe at 20 you're lucky to find someone but usually it takes a bit of time.

    I'm 32 and going through a divorce. I wish I had a revelation like yours so that I wouldn't have went through what I had to go through to get to where I am today. It was hard but at least I'm here!! :bigsmile:
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    So I know this may come off as a bit bipolar, but those who know me.. I tend to wait for good advice to slap me in the face before I think to myself "hey that's a great idea" .
    Being "bipolar" is a medical condition. Feeling conflicted, or having mixed emotions is different.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Wait... Didn't you tell us yesterday how IN LOVE you were and that you've been through engagement, miscarriages, etc. with this guy? Asking advice on how to hide your insatiable love?

    And... today you're happily single?

    Just trying to keep up...
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Oh.. my sister and I talked over NYE weekend about love and divorce. We all got married very young (me-22, her 21, my middle sister was a bit older at maybe 25-26- I think). We all had/ have crappy marriages. They have kids though so it makes it complicated. But nonetheless she was saying how she doesn't understand why at such a young age she thought she HAD to get married and married the first guy she fell in love with. Why didn't we wait? Why not just be in love and enjoy it w/o rushing marriage?
    We were so in love with being in love that it blinded our damn intelligence. That's what it was!
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    You have successfully sidestepped the first tick of your biological clock. CONGRATS!!! :drinker:
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    So I know this may come off as a bit bipolar, but those who know me.. I tend to wait for good advice to slap me in the face before I think to myself "hey that's a great idea" .
    Being "bipolar" is a medical condition. Feeling conflicted, or having mixed emotions is different.

    btw I am bi-polar and I take offense to your correction.. have a nice day.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    you could always get a puppy or kitten.

    And good job on being your own person.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    So I know this may come off as a bit bipolar, but those who know me.. I tend to wait for good advice to slap me in the face before I think to myself "hey that's a great idea" .
    Being "bipolar" is a medical condition. Feeling conflicted, or having mixed emotions is different.
    btw I am bi-polar and I take offense to your correction.. have a nice day.
    Your use of it in a flippant manner did not give me that impression.

    My statement is still factual, though.
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
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    Wait... Didn't you tell us yesterday how IN LOVE you were and that you've been through engagement, miscarriages, etc. with this guy? Asking advice on how to hide your insatiable love?

    And... today you're happily single?

    Just trying to keep up...

    why thanks post police :)
  • JellyJaks
    JellyJaks Posts: 589 Member
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    So I know this may come off as a bit bipolar, but those who know me.. I tend to wait for good advice to slap me in the face before I think to myself "hey that's a great idea" .
    Being "bipolar" is a medical condition. Feeling conflicted, or having mixed emotions is different.

    ^Yeah that.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Wait... Didn't you tell us yesterday how IN LOVE you were and that you've been through engagement, miscarriages, etc. with this guy? Asking advice on how to hide your insatiable love?

    And... today you're happily single?

    Just trying to keep up...

    why thanks post police :)

    /shrug

    You're welcome. Yesterday you ask if you should move on. When told to move on, you protest that such a recommendation is ludicrous b/c we can't possibly understand your deep rooted love for this man.

    You say something may seem a bit bi-polar in jest. Then inform us you are bi-polar.

    You say sometimes you need a slap in the face... Well, consider yourself slapped.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
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    Wait... Didn't you tell us yesterday how IN LOVE you were and that you've been through engagement, miscarriages, etc. with this guy? Asking advice on how to hide your insatiable love?

    And... today you're happily single?

    Just trying to keep up...
    why thanks post police :)
    Post police? You've come to a public forum for relationship advice. Her question is valid.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
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    I wanted to see if I could commit to anything so I got a turtle because They can live forever. After about a month I let it go into the wild (Bridge by the ditch) . It wasn't me it was the turtle. If it didn't stink so much I would've kept it. We're both happier this way:smile:









    For sale 10 gallon fish tank $20

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