Grieving and exercise

DixieDarlin1987 · January 2012

Just a little background....My husband and I had been trying to conceive our second baby for 6 months. We were finally successful and then I miscarried on New Years Day. We are completely devastated. I am of course incredibly blessed to have one beautiful, healthy son who is my whole world and a husband who is truly my better half, but I am heartbroken none the less. My other passion is working out. It is my "me time". It always makes me feel better emotionally and physically when I'm stressed or upset. I have found that the more I dwell on this miscarriage, the further I seem to fall into a terrible feeling of depression. I decided today that I just simply cannot let that happen and my response was to focus on getting back into the swing of my regular life, starting with a workout schedule for the month. I upped the intensity and frequency of my workouts in this plan and as soon as I put it on the fridge this morning....I was met with all kinds of resistance. My mother-in-law stopped in for a visit and made some stupid comment. My husband saw it and just shook his head (yeah, he knows me too well). Later, both of my sister-in-laws called me and said my mother-in-law had told them about it. They're all acting like I'm some kind of psycho just because I want to begin working out again!
In my opinion, there are only 3 things in my life that need ALL of my attention right now. 1. My son 2. My husband and 3. ME!!!
Granted, my new plans are very intense, but I have my doctor's okay to resume workouts on Monday and I'm going for it....I just really feel like I need something to work towards and focus on right now. Am I crazy y'all?

dirtbikegirl5 · January 2012

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I had a loss many years ago and it is still hard. I can't think of any better way to cope with your grief than beginning a new work out plan, especially with your doctor's okay.
Your in-laws are just uninformed. For stuff like this, I usually respond with "I appreciate your concern".
As far as your husband goes, I would just tell him how much you need his support right now and how important it is for you to begin this work out to battle your grief.

roringde · January 2012

So sorry for your loss-As for your current issue I would ask yourself why your other family members are resistant to this and unsupportive. Do they realize why you are doing this-- as a release and NOT a form of replacement or denial? This type of loos is very difficult across the board and has some affect on all your family members--I would suggest talking to those family members whose support you could use and see what their issues are and have a quick talk with them---everyone is grieving in some way and I agree with you that your primary concern is your son, hubby and yourself--Just remember they love you too........God bless you in this season~

iuangina · January 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. IMO, working out while grieving is very healthy. It gets you back into normalcy. I would just ignore their comments. Why wouldn't they want you to take care of yourself so that you can heal from the loss? While I've never experienced the loss of a miscarriage, I lost my little brother to leukemia about 10 years ago and working out was the only thing that felt normal. It was the only way I could deal with the loss. People who don't workout, don't get it.

mjbrenner · January 2012

I just want to say that I am sorry for your loss. My wife miscarried with our first child in December, after much time and many treatments to get there. I understand your drive to reclaim a part of your life as strongly as possible. I don't have anything to offer on dealing with family, since the best of families still seem to find ways to be offensive at times like this. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

dujennifer · January 2012

I am so sorry for your loss and feel your pain. I just miscarried for the second time in October, twice in a year. I am impressed and inspired by your dedication to get back to working out and taking care of you. I went the opposite route...I bummed on the couch, ate my feelings, and had a bottle and a half of wine every night. I am now heavy enough to be 4-5 months pregnant, ironic right? No one has any right to judge how you grieve or how you feel! Kick some butt at the gym and take care of you! Being healthy will only make the next try more successful and healthy for you and baby to be. God Bless!

kmbrooks15 · January 2012

No, you are NOT crazy. I've never miscarried, but I was not able to get pregnant either, which involves grieving what never was (thankfully I was able to adopt two fantastic kids!). I know how deeply I felt the loss of that, but you have actually lost a child. Some people try to say it's not the same because the child wasn't born yet, but I think they are full of crap. You've experienced a terrible loss, and if exercising helps you with the grieving process, you should go for it. You said your doctor is okay with you getting back to it, so there's no medical reason not to. I think you should just tell your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law that you are dealing with this in the way that helps you most, and they need to back off and let you handle your grief in your own way and time. Plus, exercise releases endorphins, which help you feel happy. It's understandable that you are depressed and grieving, but at least you are looking for a way out of that, and a healthy way at that!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't care what people say, a miscarriage is still a death in the family, and it's a tough thing to deal with. Kudos to you for finding a healthy outlet for dealing with the loss. My grandmother passed away a few days before Christmas, and on the morning of her funeral, I did my second day of Couch to 5K before I showered and dressed for her funeral service. Maybe people will think that was crazy, but I needed to get out of the house and do something instead of moping around being sad.

If they keep bugging you, ask them if they'd prefer you turning to drugs or alcohol, which is what most people do. At least you are choosing something healthy that will keep you around for your son and husband!

NovemberJune · January 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss

I think exercise is great for emotional health so ... go you!

DixieDarlin1987 · January 2012

Thank you all very much for your kind words. I definitely am planning to go for it. I spoke with my husband last night and he understands where I'm coming from. As far as everyone else in the family, they'll just have to deal with it. I have always been very active and have always kind of gone into super beast workout mode when I'm having any kind of negative feelings. I've had days of crying, praying, talking, sleeping, and taking it easy....everyone's advice to me. Honestly, it's done nothing for me except make me feel anxious and really angry about everything. I know my body needed to rest and recover...they were right about that but now it's time to get back to the real me. There's nowhere but up from here! God Bless!

helenmelon29 · January 2012

Dix you know yourself what is best for you and you should go ahead and do it. I defo don't think you are crazy, getting back into a routine that you want to do is alot better sitting about all day.

I hope that time will make you feel better, along with the love and support of your little boy and husband.

Much Love x

Fitwam · January 2012

First, I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried and it was a very lonely, tough place to be in my life. So I totally get where you are coming from....Like so many others have said, I think this is a wonderful outlet for you. Working out has so many health benefits and your body being toned and healthy is only one of those! The mind reaps the benefits as well! Endorphins, endorphins! And fantastic that your husband is so supportive! Don't let the in-laws make you the out-law...they are just uninformed. Again, sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Grieving and exercise

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