How can I get my mom to support me?

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megannicolex33
megannicolex33 Posts: 82
in Motivation and Support
So, my mom and I have always been really close. She's overweight as well, but she started going to the gym this past summer and has lost 20 pounds so far (yay mom)! When I decided to start losing weight last week, she said I should come to the gym with her, so that's what I've been doing and it's great.

But here's the problem... whenever I actually talk about how much weight I want to lose or the new healthy foods I've been eating, she gets all quiet and just says "hmm". I told her I was going to the store today to buy some healthier snacks, and she said "huh" and then changed the subject. I also said last night at dinner that I would be getting a salad instead of my usual bacon cheeseburger, and once again, she didn't seem happy.

I'm really confused! I want to know what's going on, and I know I should just ask her, but does anyone have any ideas? I mean, I could really use her support. This just baffles me. I guess one thing to consider is that she doesn't exactly eat the most healthy foods... she mostly just cut down her portion sizes, which I'm doing too, it's just that I can't keep eating burgers and fries and cheesy stuff all the time and expect to lose weight. Maybe I should try to explain that to her. Anyway, thoughts?

Replies

  • careyharv
    careyharv Posts: 134 Member
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    I'm sorry you feel at odds with your mom. I say talk to her. Explain to her what you said here and see what she says. Remember that everybody has a program that works for them. Your mom is watching her portions but still eating the foods she wants. She lost 20 pounds - which is great!! If you want to do something different - there is no harm in it. Find what works for you. Good luck!!
  • sdailey4
    sdailey4 Posts: 56 Member
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    Maybe she feels threatened and that it could become a competition between the 2 of you? She could also feel that it's your way of judging her by mentioning the changes your making that she isn't making. Even though she's your mom she is still probably really self conscious about her weight loss.
  • kbeller88
    kbeller88 Posts: 139
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    okay. I have got to be brutally honest. I learned the hard way that you don't need anyones support but from yourself. My mother and I were close but what I didn't realize is all the "baggage" that came with it.

    Support yourself and prove that you are a strong person. Its so hard to rely on other people to make you feel like your something. It takes trusting yourself to know what you trying want.

    My mother and I used to be reallly close and I use to value her opinion more than my own, but she didnt' support me in anything I did. I strived to be perfect in everything and finally I just gave up. Its been a long emotional rollercoaster for me but its been worth the struggle to find myself as a person and not a shadow. If you need anything just give me a message, I'll try to help you in any way that I can..


    Much love darlin:heart:
  • mybeach27
    mybeach27 Posts: 243
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    My mom is one of those naturally skinny ppl who others are always jealous of so she has a hard time when i tell her I'm eating healthy or want to eat less, so I know where u r coming from...its not that she's unsupportive, its just that she doesn't completely understand me...oh well! U r doing this for u, so talk to her about it but if u don't c eye to eye, don't stress...! I am here for u, so friend me if u would like I. Would luv to help u!:)
  • atiffany1
    atiffany1 Posts: 54
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    Most people think that their way is the only way (not true), so your mom might be thinking that you don't need to do all these things because she isn't. But it seems like she is changing the subject so that she isn't forcing her opinion on you. I think you should just talk to her.
  • dfborders
    dfborders Posts: 474 Member
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    Sorry about the problems but it sounds like you should just have a heart to heart with her. I could just try to guess what is going on, but if you guys have a good relationship - which it sounds like you do - I would just mention it to her without being confrontational and I am sure we will let you know what's up. Good luck!!:flowerforyou:
  • mebuthalf
    mebuthalf Posts: 167 Member
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    Maybe she's trying to hold her tongue and is still deciding whether your serious about it yet. Which in a way is being supportive if she is trying not to say something negitive. I bet once she sees your commitment she will come around.
  • mami2jadenleo
    mami2jadenleo Posts: 13
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    i kno how u feel.we joinned a slimming club together..but she feels differently to dieting than me..as said before people have different ways of doing things..but it also got to the point where she would shrug and hmm and ha . and made me feel like she didnt care..but i came to the conclusion she was fed up of me talkin of the things i was going to do instead of doing the things i said..but i 100% admit that im more of a planner than a do-er..but i think if u plan the things on your own and do things yourself she will see how serious you are..sorry if i've completely came of track here but this is my take on it.

    wish you well and keep up the good work :-)
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
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    I have exactly the same issue with my mom. She confessed, in a totally unrelated conversation, out of the blue, that she didn't want to be the fattest one (ie in the family or at family functions...). So I put that together with her behaviour and guessed that she, while wanting good things for me, takes comfort in the fact that I am fatter than her.

    I have no intention of sabotaging my life or my health for that. I honestly don’t think she wants me to. It does mean that I can’t depend on her for that kind of support and have to look elsewhere which is fair. Once you know…I was blindsided by it.
  • megannicolex33
    megannicolex33 Posts: 82
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    Thank you all SO much!! Your answers all helped a lot. I really appreciate it. I talked to her a little bit about it today at dinner and I think that helped. From what she said, it seems like she's frustrated because it's harder for her to lose weight since she's older and a good bit heavier than I am. But I said that supporting each other will help us both, so hopefully things will be better now.

    Anyway, thanks again - you guys are awesome. :)
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    okay. I have got to be brutally honest. I learned the hard way that you don't need anyones support but from yourself.

    This is so true.

    I find that when I want to try something new, I just have to go for it. Either people will like it or they won't, but you are your mother's daughter, not her b!tch, so you can do whatever you want.

    Just be healthy and I'm willing to bet that after a few months of seeing you doing well with it, she will get on board with it. However, it will be weird for her at first, because everyone is a little cautious when they know someone close to them is going through a significant change. Give her some space, and don't overwhelm her with you new and exciting way of life. Just do what makes you happy and healthy, and when she sees that you are are successful, she will be proud.
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Maybe she's trying to hold her tongue and is still deciding whether your serious about it yet. Which in a way is being supportive if she is trying not to say something negitive. I bet once she sees your commitment she will come around.

    I do this with my friends all the time.
  • megannicolex33
    megannicolex33 Posts: 82
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    You're totally right, thank you. I guess I just keep talking about it with her because I'm so excited, but I need to keep some of it to myself instead of overwhelming her. It's just hard not to talk about something that I'm thinking about so much, you know? I feel so motivated and I want to share it with the world! Haha - but I'll definitely be more sensitive to her feelings from now on.
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
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    MEGAN - this same thing is going on with me and my coworker. She and I are both doing the biggest loser challenge at my work and are fitness pals. I'm losing weight, logging in everyday, very excited, and optimistic. i want to talk food and exercise all the time. She is NOT and DOES NOT!

    I, too, have decided that I need to dial it down.
  • megannicolex33
    megannicolex33 Posts: 82
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    I'm glad you understand what I'm going through! It's hard to keep things to yourself when you're so excited about them. Like an upcoming trip or something - you just want to keep talking about it until everyone around you is thinking "SHUT UP!" I feel bad now that I realize what I was doing though. I love my mom, I don't want her to feel discouraged or anything!
  • sailorsiren13
    sailorsiren13 Posts: 460
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    as the mother of a teenager not much younger than you i can say maybe she sees you different than she sees you. Or possibly she doesn't want you to have the issues that she has with body image. I have terrible body image and have dieted and been horrible to myself most of my daughters life. I haven't set a good example for her consistently and it worries me. She is my light my life and has some amazing body image. I won't do anything to screw that up. I'm just saying...sorry didn't mean to make it about me just tried to let you see it from another perspective. MFP will also give you some amazing support good luck to you!
  • sailorsiren13
    sailorsiren13 Posts: 460
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    You're totally right, thank you. I guess I just keep talking about it with her because I'm so excited, but I need to keep some of it to myself instead of overwhelming her. It's just hard not to talk about something that I'm thinking about so much, you know? I feel so motivated and I want to share it with the world! Haha - but I'll definitely be more sensitive to her feelings from now on.
    I get like that too thank you for reminding me not everyone always wants to here about what i'm doing and i think its the greatest thing in the world your a smart young lady your mom is a lucky woman
  • Promqueen_74932
    Promqueen_74932 Posts: 203 Member
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    Lots of really good information, but do keep in mind that You have to believe in yourself first. It is WONDERFUL to have a Support Group. I recommend finding one. Positive people that will share their experience, strength, hope, and ***** fests, if need be. But you can't rely on them. They're not the ones who get YOU up and going in the morning. They can only encourage and inspire! You do what is best for you in your Fitness and health journey and let your mom do the same. Encourage her. Always be positive!

    I always try to lead by example. :-) I like to encourage and inspire others to reach for what they want. To have goals, set them, and race toward them.

    Thanks so much for sharing.

    SLB

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