Vent: When your spouse sabotages your best efforts

I can relate. My Boyfriend brought home a chocolate cake the other day and the cake won. I had a piece and felt SO guilty. The cake has been looking at me all week... but I haven't given into temptation again. I got SO sick of it being there and having a battle with the cake everyday to not eat more, so I lifted the lid and sprayed it with Clorox bleach right in front of my boyfriend. Let me tell you... it felt great! Hang in there! Get you some sweet snacks that are a better option... or try and save up some calories to allow yourself a beer. You've got this!

I have made a renewed effort - it being January and me being my all-time heaviest - to lose weight, and am having a problem I always have when I try this... My darling husband keeps bringing home all the things neither one of us should be eating, but definitely not me, even though I really really want to and am hungry even after all my calories have been used up for the day.

I don't think he's doing it on purpose. He's overweight too, although not nearly as much as me, which is annoying, because he's always eaten way worse than I have and done less exercise. He's lamented the fact that he's gained weight, but doesn't seem able or inclined to actually curtail or amend his eating habits at all. And he doesn't seem to understand when I complain how his bringing this stuff home for himself affects me. I don't have to eat it after all...

No, I can 'just' exert willpower and not eat it, but we live in a one-room apartment, it's dark and cold outside, and I have no choice but to sit there watching him eat/drink it, when my stomach's growling and I'm resenting being alive and all I want is a glass of wine or a beer, like he's having. I mean, especially at the beginning, when I'm desperately trying to break bad habits, it would just be so much easier without temptation staring me in the face.

Does anyone have a spouse/partner/roommate like this, unwilling to compromise on their own desires, even to support you? Normally he's not this inconsiderate, but he just doesn't seem to get how hard it is for me. Any suggestions?

I have asked my partner if he could keep things he wants to eat but I don't hidden away so that I am not aware of them. I'd prefer if he didn't eat them in front of me. I find it hard to exert will power as well. I can do it, I'd just prefer not to be reminded of these things.

i understand 100% kick them where it hurts

If you're really so hungry that your stomach is growling and you feel starved, maybe you need to eat more food. Maybe try bumping it up an extra hundred or two. I don't know if you exercise, but if you do you should eat those calories back. If you aren't starving it may be a bit easier to resist those foods your husband is bringing home or you may even be able to have them and be satisfied with a smaller portion.

I think....if my husband was an alcoholic and needed to avoid alcohol, it would be highly inconsiderate and disrespectful of me to bring home bottles of wine to drink in front of him or to drag him to a bar with me so I could drink. And I think the same is true of food. Chocolate cake or donuts are simply not necessary and could be avoided out of respect for one's partner's struggles.

And if my partner refused, he and I would have a very serious "discussion" on respect and consideration and being supportive. :explode:

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've gone through this with my husband. He used to bring me bags of gummy bears (my favorite). It's like waiving a pack of cigarettes in front of a person who's trying to stop smoking. The cravings are there. The overwhelming desire to just say "screw it" and take what you want just to get the anxiety to go away. You know it's bad for you, and you shouldn't but you can't help it. The only difference is you can't quit food. You can't stay away from people eating. You can't not buy food. You have to eat to survive.

Here are a few things that are working for us.
We plan out meals for the week. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and snacks. We shop for the week and get only whats on the list. I ask for his input. If I make a recipe and he doesn't like it, then I don't make it again. I can't expect him to continue to eat things he's tried and doesn't like . That's where battles begin. I do expect him to at least try things. He's already found that grilled pork chops with baked sweat potatoes(no butter, sugar, or salt added) and a side of steamed broccoli is pretty tasty. I'm not trying to eliminate his meat and potato macho manliness, just tweak it a little. He still gets to eat meat and not salads everyday.

I try to keep a variety of fruit in the fridge at all times. When we watch tv together we grab a bowl of grapes to snack on. Twice a week we drink smoothies for breakfast. He enjoys concocting experiments in the blender. At first he was not keen on the idea of smoothies. I got the side ways one eyebrow up look. I got him hooked with this one. 1cup Frozen strawberries,1/2cup fat free vanilla yogurt, and 1/2 cup orange juice (187 Calories). Now he picks out the fruit he wants for the week and goes to town. Sometimes he adds protein powder after the gym. He gets excited to have me taste a new flavor. Gummy bears are now replaced with smoothies.

He feels macho when he cooks on the grill. At least once a week we cook out. He grills me a turkey burger, and a beef patty for himself. He gets his beef and I get to stay on my diet.

Also when we plan meals for the week I show him pictures of what I'm going to cook. A delicious looking plate of food gets him craving healthy food instead of greasy fast food and bags of chips.

I think....if my husband was an alcoholic and needed to avoid alcohol, it would be highly inconsiderate and disrespectful of me to bring home bottles of wine to drink in front of him or to drag him to a bar with me so I could drink. And I think the same is true of food. Chocolate cake or donuts are simply not necessary and could be avoided out of respect for one's partner's struggles.

And if my partner refused, he and I would have a very serious "discussion" on respect and consideration and being supportive. :explode:

That is exactly right. I never expected my partner to eat healthily because I eat healthily. If he wants to eat junk food, he is more than welcome to. But in saying that, I only ask that he show me respect by not doing it in front of me, or bringing it for me, or keeping it plain sight. If I want some, I will say so. It isn't really much to ask, I wouldn't think.

i think we must have the same husband. And.................he needs to lose a lot more than i do. tonight i decided we were having fish. i was going to sautee it in some lemon juice and spices. Next i know he has poured oil into a non-stick pan, added butter and proceeded to bread the fillets with crushed crackers. Hello????? We are eating fish not because i love it but because it's the healthyt thing to do. I pulled my portion out before he got a hold of it and sauteed it like i planned. Someone else said it - it's about taking control of yourself. It's hard. I know! Good luck.

Mine was the same way. I kept telling him, "I have got to lose weight. I have got to stop eating this." He wouldn't listen and I would come home to him cooking some fried pork chops and gravy.

We don't make a whole lot of money so we buy what we need, when we need it. We go shopping for dinner everyday. So, when I've been working the late shift at my job and I come home at midnight and that's all there is to eat, I'm pretty much screwed.

Although, what got him to FINALLY listen were a few food documentaries(King Corn and Fork Over Knives). Plus, he hit 30 and HIS waistline started to expand. He told me one day, "We should diet. I can't fit into my favorite shorts anymore..." *eyeroll*

want some cheese with that?

I would suggest you sit down with him, make menus for your meals and have him go to the shops with you. My husband & I do that, and I encouraged him to sign up here too. He's not as good about logging everyday as I am, but he's lost 22 pounds so far and now is almost as good at selecting produce and trying new, healthy foods as I am. If he resists, just let him know you have to stick to your plan. No one can make you put things in your mouth. I wish you well, and I know you can take each day as it comes to make good decisions

I don't have anything nice to say about my husband as I could really use his support and some of his help but I won't get it. With that said, he brought home McDonald's last night. He asked if I wanted anything and I said no. (Go me!)

He eats junk food and gets irritated with me if I make 'diet' foods as he calls them. That means anything healthy. Even if it tastes good.

It stinks! So I feel your pain. It makes it harder for me to stay on track BUT....when I do and I see results....it makes it much easier for me to resist. Like I've finally lost some weight, 4 lbs, and he even made a comment to me asking if I lost weight because he could tell. (As he's eating french fries).

You can do it. With or without his support. Stay strong. Once you see progress, you'll feel even better that you didn't eat the foods he's bringing in the house!

It's about control on our side, but it may be about control on their side, too. Some men don't want their wives too attractive because they're insecure about themselves compared with other men. It's reassuring to them to have wives who aren't attractive to other men.

You could consider asking him point blank if he's afraid you would leave him for another man if you had an uber-hot body. Whether he says yes or considers the idea absurd, it might make him think about what his behavior looks like to other people. He might be less anxious to pork you up to show he's not insecure about his own attractiveness.