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Not MFP related, but I need some emotional support

Ileanak
Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
edited September 18 in Motivation and Support
This is not MFP related, but as food is a crutch, I need some support as I have just made a life changing choice.

My fiance and I broke up today. It was my request. Let me prefice with the fact that he is a wonderful man, and he loves and adores me. That said, as I need a lot of structure in my life. To go from 300 lbs to 180, I had to control all of my eating habits and dedicate 5-6 days at the gym. As I had done this before I met him, this was something that I let him know when we started dating and seemed to be ok, but after he moved in with me last October, I realized that while I needed the gym to maintain, he wanted to settle down, bring bad food choices into the house and spend time playing computer games while I went to the gym. While i saw the scale creep up, so did he. I told him that I was a food addict, but he would keep bringing bad stuff (that he knew I loved) into the house, saying, "just don't eat it".

We also met at a running/social club, in which he was an active member, but immediately after we started dating, he began to have problems with members, and decided to quit (in a very dramatic way), leaving our friends confused.. most of whom he had known for years). I was going to our runs and social events alone, and coming home to him playing more computer games.

I know I am not easy to live with, but I didn't want us to spend our lives together in miserable silence.

That said, I do love him, and I know that this was the right choice for us both... but my heart is boken.

I am sorry to vent, but I am really alone right now.

Replies

  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    This is not MFP related, but as food is a crutch, I need some support as I have just made a life changing choice.

    My fiance and I broke up today. It was my request. Let me prefice with the fact that he is a wonderful man, and he loves and adores me. That said, as I need a lot of structure in my life. To go from 300 lbs to 180, I had to control all of my eating habits and dedicate 5-6 days at the gym. As I had done this before I met him, this was something that I let him know when we started dating and seemed to be ok, but after he moved in with me last October, I realized that while I needed the gym to maintain, he wanted to settle down, bring bad food choices into the house and spend time playing computer games while I went to the gym. While i saw the scale creep up, so did he. I told him that I was a food addict, but he would keep bringing bad stuff (that he knew I loved) into the house, saying, "just don't eat it".

    We also met at a running/social club, in which he was an active member, but immediately after we started dating, he began to have problems with members, and decided to quit (in a very dramatic way), leaving our friends confused.. most of whom he had known for years). I was going to our runs and social events alone, and coming home to him playing more computer games.

    I know I am not easy to live with, but I didn't want us to spend our lives together in miserable silence.

    That said, I do love him, and I know that this was the right choice for us both... but my heart is boken.

    I am sorry to vent, but I am really alone right now.
  • skinnydreams
    skinnydreams Posts: 1,178 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear this.......stay strong, be true to yourself, find comfort in friends and take care of yourself!
  • Healthier_Me
    Healthier_Me Posts: 5,600 Member
    You did what you knew was right for YOU and that's all that matters.
    He has to get better for himself...

    If the things around you don't change, change the things you're around
    (Remember this!!!!!)
    Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting new results!

    Stay strong!

    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • Helawat
    Helawat Posts: 605 Member
    Take solace in knowing that you made the best decision for yourself. Weight loss, like marriage, is a commitment and if your partner cannot help you commit to your weight loss goals, there's no way he's ready to commit to a marriage.

    I know you're alone and I can't fathom the pain you're in but you recognized a relationship that you needed to escape and kudos to you. You knew what was best for you and went ahead and accomplished it even with the knowledge of the pain that followed your decision.

    It's one thing to find a partner who loves you for you; however, if your partner cannot support your life choices then your partner cannot fully commit to you.

    It'll take time to recover. Your pain is temporary and in time you will heal and find another with the commit level that's needed to sustain a healthy marriage.
  • deanea
    deanea Posts: 1,437
    Oh my goodness, I am sorry ...:frown: :flowerforyou:
  • catlover
    catlover Posts: 389
    You have to do what's right for you. I had to leave my husband twice, once when I quit doing drugs and once when he returned to drinking after being sober for three years. We're together now, happiy married for the second time. So you never know what the world will bring. Be strong, do what you need to do for you, and talk to us when you need us.

    Everything is related to MFP if you are a member here, that's what I think,
  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    Thank you all so much... once I sleep, I am sure I will start feeling better.

    Ileana
  • TheTimeIsNow
    TheTimeIsNow Posts: 45
    Wow. You know, It goes unsaid in this world. And when someone says something to the idea that food is an addiction, people tend to imeediatly blame people and label them as lazy. The fact is, food is an addiction, and in this country its almost enocouraged to allow yourself to become slave to this drug. Im happy that your able to decipher that. What you did, in time, will definitly be in your favour. This is the same as putting a former heroin addict in the same home as a current user. Eventually, the temptation will win, and when it does its a very slick slope. I am sorry for you having to make this decison, and hope only the best for you.
  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    addiction is right, I even asked him one day if I had been a recovering alcoholic, would he come home with a bottle of wine? It seemed to sink in for a bit, but he started back up again in a matter of time. And I can't really blame him, he wants to enjoy those things. It is only fair that he does, but I can't be around it.

    I have had a headache for about 28 hours now, and haven't slept for longer..... I hope the healing starts before I collaps of exhaustion.

    thanks for all your support guys and gals!
  • neverbeenskinny
    neverbeenskinny Posts: 446 Member
    This issue is MFP related, as it's related to lifestyle changes. You need your friends, family and especially significant other to support your new lifestyle with food so that you can be a success. If he or any one else want to be a part of your life, they need to embrace this. As an ex-food junkie I know that it's what I need. I was married to a man who didn't understand this, I ended up having to cook 2 separate meals for us so that I can continue to try to eat healthy and at the end I couldn't , the stress of it all was overwhelming and gain a whole bunch of weight, it ended in divorce. It wasn't until after the divorce and the weight eventually came off that I realize that if I didn't have the support at home, the healthy lifestyle could NEVER be a success.

    I'm proud of you for making such a hard decision. It's never easy to let some one go that you care for. Go on with you life and be successful with EVERYTHING that you do. Never let any one slow you down or be a negative factor. Be the person that you want to be, be healthy and be a success...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
    Sweetheart you can vent all you want:flowerforyou: I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, and yet I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself. You didn't give in like he did and shows your strength and determination for your life. It's hard and your heart hurts , my prayers and heart goes out to you. Hang in there , because if he really cared he would of had more respect for you then to bring in food you can't eat and not keep exercising with you. You can e mail me anytime you just want to talk.:flowerforyou: :heart:
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
    addiction is right, I even asked him one day if I had been a recovering alcoholic, would he come home with a bottle of wine? It seemed to sink in for a bit, but he started back up again in a matter of time. And I can't really blame him, he wants to enjoy those things. It is only fair that he does, but I can't be around it.

    I have had a headache for about 28 hours now, and haven't slept for longer..... I hope the healing starts before I collaps of exhaustion.

    thanks for all your support guys and gals!
    Perhaps it would help if you go take a nice warm bath and just soak and relax and try to lay down for awhile.:heart:
  • kyliepp
    kyliepp Posts: 7
    oh my god. be strong and spend time with friends
    and get back on track again .just believe in yourself
    then things will fall in to place again
    . :flowerforyou: :heart: :laugh:
  • Ileanak
    Ileanak Posts: 343 Member
    Thank you all so much!

    This week has been trying, to say the least. I took your advice Aunt karen, and took baths every night. He came by with a U-Haul yesteray and moved 95% of his stuff out. this was difficfult to come home to, but i am glad it is done. I actually splept for the fist time (soundly) last night.

    On the high note: Since I haven't wanted to be at the house alone... I have spend about 2 hours at the ym every day (instead of the usual 45 - 55 minutes).. I have dropped a couple of pounds.... yay.

    You are all an inspiration! Thank you again.

    I can't tell you if my positive attitude will hole up all day, but I am sure trying!
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