Has our idea/expectations of love changed?

I think people often give up sooner than they should. Maybe a byproduct of too much technology. We've become so used to instant gratification, that we've forgotten the sweet satisfaction of working towards a meaningful goal and achieving it. Now it seems everyone wants "instant happiness", sustained, without putting forth real effort.

I've been divorced for 5 years now and am now with a great guy. You can bet I'm not taking a damn thing for granted.

My parents married in an age when divorce was unseemly. At the end, they hated each other. You could actually FEEL the animosity, but not in public. They put on a great front.

Just because you are married does not mean you are happy. And staying together just because is not always the solution.

I think the stigma of divorce was removed. It used to be unheard of. Now it's common.

And here's the thing. That's good! Not one happy marriage ever ended because of divorce. But a whole lot of miserable, dysfunctional, abusive ones sure did. In the "Old Days" we all like to romanticize so much women were just forced to stay in loveless, hurtful marriages. Things are better now. The rosy view we have of days gone by is nothing but fantasy.

Ok, I went to a 70th B-day party last week. There were quite a few older couples there dancing, coming in holding hands and just still obviously in love with each other. They are also most married 40 - 50 years and from a very different generation. Today it seems there are not a lot of couples in love to a degree where they can make it 40 - 50 years and marriage is given up on often and people part ways very early in a marriage. Do we expect more from our spouses than they did or is our idea of love different from theirs? Women in that generation had a clearly defined role in the relationship for most of them (not all but most). It was common for them to stay home, prepare meals, take care of the home and children while the man had his role defined for him as well as the "bread winner". Today it is different women are more educated than women in past generations (college and advanced degrees), they work and have fantastic careers, and the home chores/cooking/child raising is often shared. Now I am not saying women should stay home, let's not even go there, and I know someone will take this out of context entirely. All I am saying is do you think as society has changed over the generations it has affected how we love one another?

The whole bread winner story is probably not applicable to all countries. As far as I know my gran worked her whole life and oh yes, she got divorced after 14years of marruage as she would not put up with the crap grandad was doing. Probably was one of the few women of her time doing this but hey ho.

I think the issue is that we expect too much and put too much pressure on ourself. We don't argue, we walk if it gets complicated (but argueing is part of a relationship), we don;t have time, because we are at a stage where work is the new sex...we wait to have children because we want a carreer first and oops suddenly we have run out of time ^^

There is no way to guess the motivation behind why people got married generations past,just as today I am sure there were many reasons and not all of them "Love".
What has changed is no longer do people stay together just because that is what you do.
Many will say that is a bad thing but from my experience in a household without real love but stayed together it isn`t always wrong to separate.

We've become so used to instant gratification, that we've forgotten the sweet satisfaction of working towards a meaningful goal and achieving it.

On the one hand, I agree with this. On the other, however, I don't think that this change in what we expect and how we deal with these things is necessarily a bad thing. Back then, people often had no choice. Who says they wouldn't have been the same as we are if they had a choice? I'm sure many elderly couples aren't unhappy with their marriage but would they still be married if they hadn't "trained" themselves to be okay with what they have?

I think religion also plays a role here. Back when for example my grandparents were married, it meant a lot to people that they got married "before God" and they thought getting divorced was a sin. Nowadays, I guess the majority of people don't take that as serious, if they believe in it at all.

It's an interesting subject but also a question very hard to answer.

I'm not sure how we love one another has changed, but we certainly don't value marriage as much as we used to.

I'm sure this has caused just as many people to give up on their marriage when the shouldn't have as it has allowed people to get out of bad marriages that were not going to get any better.

I suspect economics has had a huge impact on marriage. Women didn't go to work because it's great and fun. I suspect it was more of a need and once that need became apparent they decided if I've gotta work I may as well get a good job.

No one would choose to have someone else raise they child while they go to work during the day. It just became a need. Life would be so much simpler if one parent could stay home and look after all the essential things at home. Funny thing is today, it could be either parent if you can afford it. Back in the day, the man would be laughed off the planet for staying at home.

Marriage is tough no matter how you slice it. You've gotta put everything into it and put the other person's needs ahead of yours.

I hope I didn't derail the thread on the OP.

I don't think that MY idea of love has changed. I would rather be standing by my husband in the livingroom at home then be anywhere else in the world with someone else. Even when we aren't on the best of terms.

I think some people get married too young and what they think was love turns out to be just lust, and I think that some people get married for the wrong reasons or before they know their potential spouse enough, and a lot of those relationships end in divorce. But I would hope that most people learn from their mistakes and use them when choosing their next commitment. Some people don't know what good is until they have experienced enough bad.

I think our views on what it is has changed dramatically. The world now has a "just replace it with a new one" attitude that can be applied to a LOT of things, including your spouse. "Having a problem with your spouse? Get a new one!" I'm not making that up either, there's a law firm that specialized in divorce court that plays that on the radio. It amazes me every time I hear it.

Another issue I think is how "casually" some people take getting married. Ex. Marrying someone you've known for 2 weeks.(Sister did this). Then being surprised when you get divorced 6 months later. I mean, yes, everyone wants to fall in love and get married and have a family (or something similar), but rushing into a LIFELONG commitment is not to be taken lightly. It seems as though the idea of marriage has been tarnished and defiled. Everyone sees celebrities getting married, then divorced, married again and then divorced again. Perhaps since so many masses of people idealize celebrities, some who became famous for really absurd reasons, makes said masses not think love and marriage are special and should be cherished.
Yes, some people could genuinely be in love for 10-15 years and drift apart, but getting married and divorced 4 or 5 times is frankly irresponsible. (And expensive!!!)

Lastly, I think that men are still being brought up to be the bread winners while women are told to do the same thing. Some people won't clash over this, but somtimes it can tear couples apart. I can honestly say I know it killed my hubby to know I was working while he was at home searching for jobs. He hated the fact that I was having to support us and it was slowly consuming him. But when he was told he got a job (it started last week and I'm happy for it!) and the pay is more than double what I'm making, he went back to his old self as soon as he saw his paycheck. (My husband is a really great guy and I should mention I have a lot of health issues including heart problems, so he wants for me to not have to work if I don't want to, but for now I do!)

So, yes, I think we have changed what we think of love and marriage to a degree that is truly saddenning. But true love and lasting marriages do still exist. They are just harder to find now than they used to be.

Another issue I think is how "casually" some people take getting married. Ex. Marrying someone you've known for 2 weeks.(Sister did this). Then being surprised when you get divorced 6 months later. I mean, yes, everyone wants to fall in love and get married and have a family (or something similar), but rushing into a LIFELONG commitment is not to be taken lightly. It seems as though the idea of marriage has been tarnished and defiled. Everyone sees celebrities getting married, then divorced, married again and then divorced again. Perhaps since so many masses of people idealize celebrities, some who became famous for really absurd reasons, makes said masses not think love and marriage are special and should be cherished.

This. My parents are still married, and are almost always happy. I think watching my parents gave me the gargantuan amount of respect I have now for marriage.

Disposable society contributes to disposable marriages. One of many reasons I suppose. My folks were married over 50 years until my Dad passed. My husband's parents over 60 years before his Dad passed. I know both of them went through many rough patches, mine separated once. In their cases, love and committment (not religion) held them together. DH and I have been together over 30 years (2nd marriage for us both). I don't see any splits coming, but boy we do disagree on many issues. I still would rather spend time with him than anyone else. And for the record, I married the first time expecting it to be for life, and tried hard for 10 years. I must admit, every now and then, when we are really at odds, the commitment and common goals are the anchor till the love resurfaces, and it always has.

I definitely think so, however, it also depends on the individual. I know a girl at my university who grew up in a wealthy family with parents who stayed married, and whose dream is to be a "trophy wife" as she says and have a husband, big house, white fence, etc. My best friend has divorced parents, and is dating a guy but says she doesn't want to continue it after college, yet she keeps leading him on and says she wants as much "pleasure" as she can get from him first. And then, there's me. I grew up with divorced parents, and am currently in the middle of my college years. I'm not completely anti-guy, but honestly it's not on my priority list anytime soon to date or be in a relationship. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well. I enjoy being single and love to do things on my own, just as my other good friend does. Plus, I grew up with parents who weren't the greatest role models for relationships, and one still isn't, so that has effected me as well.

I grew up wanting to have a husband, nice house, and family, and I find the older I get, the less I want it. Instead, I am focusing on myself, my goals, and starting my career once I finish school.

If you marry, marry for the money.. LOL

i love this topic! Our idea of love has changed. it would more so be that our idea of marriage has changed. I think people my age and possibly older have no realization that a relationship is work. Love is something that takes effort to turn into a relationship. People want to be in the first stages of love, the excitement, the infatuation, the lust, the feelings you get when you know someone wants to get to know you. However when the "stuff" hits the fan, people automatically jump ship. And im not talking about cheating or abuse or any of that because those are special circumstances. I think people assume if youre not happy 24/7 in your relationship its time to leave. but guess what, NO ONE is happy 24/7 in ANYTHING why should our relationship be any different?