Thinking of another?

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BigDaddyBRC
BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
A friend of mine shared this on her Facebook today...having lived something similar and having seen all the the lack of respect for which people hold to the vows they make....thought I would pass this on...

***MARRIED OR NOT**** YOU Should Read This--->When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce, I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. i suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’ s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to the office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction it would have on our son, in case we pushed through with the divorce. — At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…. THE SMALL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP. "IT'S NOT" the MANSION or HOUSE, the CAR, PROPERTY, the MONEY in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Most of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up... YOU DON'T REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL ITS GONE!!!! ***PLEASE RE-POST & PASS THIS ON***

Replies

  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
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    I cried when i read this. My husband dropped our divorce on me about 2 months ago. I told him I dont want it but wont beg him to stay. I know Im not perfect. Infact, I fully admit to putting our kids before him. We lost that connection as well. I believe both people have to want it though. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through. He doesnt want to work on things and I think he has someone else already.

    But, I wish that would happen to us. I want to fall in love with each other again.

    Im so sorry about your wife. I hope you find happiness.
  • cabaray
    cabaray Posts: 971 Member
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    Wow! After almost 14 years of marriage, I really needed to read that! Thanks for sharing!!!
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    i think people confuse love with a feeling. love is not an emotion.

    divorce is not an option in my home. both of us agree.

    thanks for sharing this.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    I cried when i read this. My husband dropped our divorce on me about 2 months ago. I told him I dont want it but wont beg him to stay. I know Im not perfect. Infact, I fully admit to putting our kids before him. We lost that connection as well. I believe both people have to want it though. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through. He doesnt want to work on things and I think he has someone else already.

    But, I wish that would happen to us. I want to fall in love with each other again.

    Im so sorry about your wife. I hope you find happiness.

    im not sure if youre up for suggestions but if you can read the book love and respect. it helped me see so much more.
  • weemerp
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    I really needed to hear this. Me and my husband of 21 years have been seperated for 6 months now and are considering divorce. But I was the one thinking of another instead of him so i really needed to read this. Thank you for posting. It made me look at my marriage in a whole different way.
  • bjoy007
    bjoy007 Posts: 8 Member
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    Awesome! I have the same view. Love is not a feeling it's a commitment, and that is a dirty word with many people today. I don't feel you fall in love, you grow in love and the only thing you fall into is lust. Lust doesn't last but love does.:heart:
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I cried when i read this. My husband dropped our divorce on me about 2 months ago. I told him I dont want it but wont beg him to stay. I know Im not perfect. Infact, I fully admit to putting our kids before him. We lost that connection as well. I believe both people have to want it though. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through. He doesnt want to work on things and I think he has someone else already.

    But, I wish that would happen to us. I want to fall in love with each other again.

    Im so sorry about your wife. I hope you find happiness.

    im not sure if youre up for suggestions but if you can read the book love and respect. it helped me see so much more.

    To add on supportive books... The 5 Languages of Love
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I really needed to hear this. Me and my husband of 21 years have been seperated for 6 months now and are considering divorce. But I was the one thinking of another instead of him so i really needed to read this. Thank you for posting. It made me look at my marriage in a whole different way.

    Send it to him... Look, I've been through 2 marriages. My first in which ended in a omplete lack of respect for the vows that were taken. Typical in today's "world", and my last be selfish choices, or lack of respect for the same, yet, I refused to walk away from those vows. Everyone has challenges throgh life, but there is one constant that will always ring true...Love is pure. We get married not to be married, but to share our lives together. We commit and take the vows of matrimony to honor the one we love and the repsect the relatioship made. If you cannot hold to the promise of the greatest gift another can give...thier love...then you have no business in getting married, nor ever stating you are dependable or "I promise"....
  • PhoenyxRising
    PhoenyxRising Posts: 68 Member
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    I cried when i read this. My husband dropped our divorce on me about 2 months ago. I told him I dont want it but wont beg him to stay. I know Im not perfect. Infact, I fully admit to putting our kids before him. We lost that connection as well. I believe both people have to want it though. This is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through. He doesnt want to work on things and I think he has someone else already.

    But, I wish that would happen to us. I want to fall in love with each other again.

    Im so sorry about your wife. I hope you find happiness.

    im not sure if youre up for suggestions but if you can read the book love and respect. it helped me see so much more.

    To add on supportive books... The 5 Languages of Love

    Both awesome books... have to add on "The Love Dare" though.. and watch the movie that goes with it. Fireproof. Very powerful.
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
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    :drinker:
  • gnovi826
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    Thank you for sharing this. It means a lot to me. I am engaged to a wonderful man who is struggling with this lifestyle change with me. But I see so many people divorce, I see my own parents struggle to even remain tolerant of each other. It's hard to think anyone can last together in this world. I am so scared of screwing something up, or him not wanting me the same way, just like the story.

    But this story is beautiful. It may have a sad ending but I am happy things turned around. It gives me more hope than anything anyone could say.

    So thanks. =)
  • onefitdiva
    onefitdiva Posts: 331 Member
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    Seriously this made me cry. Wow. :sad:
  • TimWilkinson101
    TimWilkinson101 Posts: 163 Member
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    I was getting emotional reading this... until he found his wife dead in bed from cancer on the day he'd decided he wanted a life with her. It was at that point I realised it wasn't true as there is no way in hell he wouldnt have noticed anything other than his wife getting "lighter" if she was dying of cancer. Having known people who have died of cancer, there is a **** load more to it than "getting lighter".

    Anyway, the underlying sentiment is a good one, just I'm not into these made up stories that Facebook seems to proliferate as truth.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I was getting emotional reading this... until he found his wife dead in bed from cancer on the day he'd decided he wanted a life with her. It was at that point I realised it wasn't true as there is no way in hell he wouldnt have noticed anything other than his wife getting "lighter" if she was dying of cancer. Having known people who have died of cancer, there is a **** load more to it than "getting lighter".

    Anyway, the underlying sentiment is a good one, just I'm not into these made up stories that Facebook seems to proliferate as truth.

    Ever read a self help book that proliferates a meaning? Made up not, the point is to respect and honor that which you love.
  • foodfight247
    foodfight247 Posts: 767 Member
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    Wow....thanks BigDaddy for this.

    The little things make a big difference in a relationship.
  • running_mom
    running_mom Posts: 204 Member
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    I like the idea of love being a commitment. But what do you do when one person is commited and the other isnt? I am all for trying, working, doing whatever it takes. But sometimes the other person hurts you so badly you cant get through it. My husband physically and emotionally abused me. Not to mention cheated on me. I honestly tried to get over things and work with him. But he refused to work with me.

    Either way this post is also about respect which is very important in a marriage.