cant get spouce aboard

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shadow997
shadow997 Posts: 31 Member
in Motivation and Support
this is the 2nd time trying to lose 50lb did it a few years back and gained it all back. my wife has always been on some kind of diet but doesnt stick with it or cheats or doesnt count all the calories/points. how can i convenience her she needs to lose the extra 100lbs. i only think that becauce shes never told me how much shes weighs

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  • rsouthland
    rsouthland Posts: 75
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    My only advice, and I say this, only because it's the only thing to ever work for me, is to lead by example. My wife never diets, hates to work out and like me, has gained a bunch of weight over the past 20 years of marriage. About eight years ago I lost 100 pounds doing Atkins. After losing about 60 pounds, I think I inspired her and she jumped on board and lost 40 pounds. Of course, I slipped after the loss and she quit when I quit. We both put it all back on.

    This time around, there's no pressure on her. I tell her of my successes and let her watch in the back ground. I'm hoping at some point, she will commit and jump on board.
  • Sabresgal63
    Sabresgal63 Posts: 641 Member
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    You will never convince her..............Do this for you and you alone or it won't work for you either. I have found that the people around us, as much as we love them, do what they want and it is their right to do so..........I know its hard on you, but the people we love have to want to change themselves..................:smile:
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
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    It is the one thing I struggle with the most now being on the other side and living the healthy lifestyle and watching my family members that tried for the better half of a decade to convince me I needed to lose the weight heading down the same road I had been on. You can not force it upon anyone, they have to want to do it for themselves and only they will know when that time is... You have to do what I do and that is lead by example and let them see your results and hope and pray that it will motivate them to join you on this journey..... good luck to you and yours.....
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    My only advice, and I say this, only because it's the only thing to ever work for me, is to lead by example. My wife never diets, hates to work out and like me, has gained a bunch of weight over the past 20 years of marriage. About eight years ago I lost 100 pounds doing Atkins. After losing about 60 pounds, I think I inspired her and she jumped on board and lost 40 pounds. Of course, I slipped after the loss and she quit when I quit. We both put it all back on.

    This time around, there's no pressure on her. I tell her of my successes and let her watch in the back ground. I'm hoping at some point, she will commit and jump on board.

    I agree - lead by example!
  • Flyer615
    Flyer615 Posts: 173 Member
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    You will never convince her..............Do this for you and you alone or it won't work for you either. I have found that the people around us, as much as we love them, do what they want and it is their right to do so..........I know its hard on you, but the people we love have to want to change themselves..................:smile:

    I've never read anything on here (or any other site) that I agree with more. Every person must make their own decision. No amount of screaming, kicking, or pleading will make another have the will to do what you're doing. Hopefully, that internal switch will flip over for them at some point. Encourage, support, pray, but keep your focus on your goal.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    this is the 2nd time trying to lose 50lb did it a few years back and gained it all back. my wife has always been on some kind of diet but doesnt stick with it or cheats or doesnt count all the calories/points. how can i convenience her she needs to lose the extra 100lbs. i only think that becauce shes never told me how much shes weighs

    You cant make anyone do this ..... This has to be up to your wife to make that decision for herself....

    The last thing I ever want to hear from my husband is "you really need to lose some weight" because I think I would smack the hell out of him.... That is NOT his place to do.. that is for me, my doctor and the privacy of an exam room...

    All you can do is lead by example... she may find the motivation revived for herself.

    And by the way... you MUST let her have her cheat days.. if you keep pointing out the cheat day she allows herself to have, you are only going to make things worse, and therefore be the problem here, and not the food. She will be back to square-one without the appropriate motivation.

    Leave her alone for now, but you worry about yourself.... remain dedicated for yourself.... she will see that.... and can reignite her desires to go back on track...
  • nathomas1
    nathomas1 Posts: 9
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    like most others said...it does have to be all about you.
    it's the same thing with trying to get someone away from other addictions like smoking, drinking, etc...the more you try to force them away from it, the more they are going to rebel and keep doing it.
    you need to lose the weight for you and you only. continue to love your wife no matter what her choices are and hope/pray that she will notice how much your weight loss has affected you and how happy you are and that she'll decide to make the same decision herself.
  • Talirae9
    Talirae9 Posts: 23 Member
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    I'm having the same problem with my bf, but I've decided that you can only take care of yourself. I'll just lead by example, start cooking healthy meals for the both of us and hope my success inspires him to do the same! Stay positive, keep going and do it for yourself! Good work!
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    You know.. this thread just sparked up a conversation with my husband....

    I said to him "hun, I really need to ask this.... how would you feel if I sat with you right now and said "You really need to lose about 100lbs......... how would that make you feel?"

    Without hesitation he replied,

    "I would be pretty f****** pi$$ed considering I have a doctor that tells me Im fine for now"......

    My husband is 6 foot 6 inches tall and his weight is 290, and is a HUGE bone-mass for frame.... and is a very active guy on the job... and I know the doctors are perfectly fine with him the way he is....

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