Friction in my marriage.

Pamela3 · January 2012

We seriously need a "Life Line" forum.

Anyway, I'm very lucky to be married to the man that I am married to. He's exceptionally supportive, loving, very loyal, and dedicated to me. He's naturally thin ans feels that becuase of this, he is healthy.

He has smoked for 10 years, and hasn't worked out since college. His favorite food is pizza.

I want him to be motivated to be healthy with me, I want him to be active with me. I want him to be my partner in this journey and he's not, but he is very supportive. We also struggle in the adventurous aspect of our marriage. I'm very spontaneous, fly by the seat of my pants, do crazy things kind of person and he's not. I'm having difficulties with these areas as I crave these things from him. I know that I cannot change a person and I don't really want to, but I'd like him to try these things with me. At least give it a shot.

I guess I'm looking for advice for people who have been married for a loooonnggg time becuase this is causing friction and it's kind of breaking my heart.

I know you should pay attention to the the things that matter most, but fitness is a huge part of my life, living a healthy lifestyle is a huge part of who I am, and being spontaneous with a non-spontaneous partner often leaves me doing things by myself...

Carl01 · January 2012

I have never been married so don`t qualify but since I like to talk I don`t care.
Honest question...Have you sat down with him and expressed the same concerns and frustrations that you just wrote about here in exactly the same forthright way?

Sh1tsRainbows · January 2012

just worry about yourself..you cant make your husband healthier unless he wants to..

NA_Willie · January 2012

You can't force him to do something he doesn't want to.

Well actually you can, but them he's going to resent you and after a matter of time not do it at all.

KMSForLife · January 2012

Was he this way before you married him?

My husband and I have a great relationship but there are things he is passionate about that I could care less about. He does those things by himself or with his friends. We are much happier recognizing that we don't have to do everything together - we can be married and still be individuals.

It's great that he supports you.

lglg11 · January 2012

I want him to be .. I want him to be .. I want him to be

Im not trying to change him or anything ... :noway:

infamousmk · January 2012

People change, and sometimes grow apart. If you find that your health and fitness are becoming more important, it might be time to sit down and make sure you're both still on the same page and looking for the same long-term goals.

robin52077 · January 2012

Have you tried lubrication?

Mad_Dog_Muscle · January 2012

Have you tried lubrication?

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :drinker:

Pollywog39 · January 2012

I noticed those "I's" too.

Yes, you want him to be different.......but he's not. And to force change will hurt your relationship.

I have been divorced a while - was married to a very unhealthy man (alcohol/drug abuser, along with other stupid lifestyle choices) who was controlling, jealous, and became more and more insane as the years went by. When I met him, he hunted, fished, could survive in the woods with a book of matches and a compass for a week. When we parted, he was a chemically-dependent, non-social, threatening mess.

So, what am I saying here? Love what you have. Accept the good with the not-so-good. Bring up fun things to try together - if he says no, carry on with your life. TALK about how much you love him and want him to be healthy so you can have a long life together........but don't push it, as that just never works.

I wish you much success in your marriage :flowerforyou:

1WorkoutAtATime · January 2012

Have you tried lubrication?

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :sad:

solpwr · January 2012

A problem may stem from your approach to this problem.

You want him to think of making this changes on his own, because if you prod him to make these changes, you'll feel like he's doing it just for you.

So you want him to change, AND have it be his idea. That's a losing propostiion for everyone. As time passes by and he doesn't make the changes you desire, your respect for him erodes, and he has no idea about what's going on. If you tell him what changes you expect from him, you will wonder whether or not he just did it for you, or really wanted it.

I would suggest telling him, or getting over it. If you really would like to get over it but can't, talk to him. If he does it for you, that's pretty good.

Mad_Dog_Muscle · January 2012

I noticed those "I's" too.

Yes, you want him to be different.......but he's not. And to force change will hurt your relationship.

I have been divorced a while - was married to a very unhealthy man (alcohol/drug abuser, along with other stupid lifestyle choices) who was controlling, jealous, and became more and more insane as the years went by. When I met him, he hunted, fished, could survive in the woods with a book of matches and a compass for a week. When we parted, he was a chemically-dependent, non-social, threatening mess.

So, what am I saying here? Love what you have. Accept the good with the not-so-good. Bring up fun things to try together - if he says no, carry on with your life. TALK about how much you love him and want him to be healthy so you can have a long life together........but don't push it, as that just never works.

I wish you much success in your marriage :flowerforyou:

^^^^ great response actually!

TDGee · January 2012

Good luck, you can only control you and your actions, Express your feelings, open communication is the key. And talking at him will not work.
Or...

You could always try incessant nagging, because that ALWAYS works. <--- Sarcasm.

Friction in my marriage.

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