Trying to do it right

Hi, I am not even sure I want to send this out. My Doctor has sent me to this site and is actually using it to help me with an eating disorder that I have been struggling with since my early teens, I am now late 30's. She suggested that I get on and at the least open up a little, they have been trying for quite a few years to get me to be less private about my entire life. I don't share even the smallest most insignificant details of my life very often, I have been doing better with that a little more lately, but it is still very uncomfortable.

I am not sure that I am brave enough at this time to add anyone as a friend, I don't want people to see how many calories I burn while exercising, or how many calories I eat. As I have said I am way too private, but I need a little of that right now. The exercising part, I will be honest I have never really dedicated any real time to it, and lately I feel I have been doing pretty good. The calorie intake is never as much as the site has set up for me, but my doctor set me a calorie goal, I hardly ever meet it, but I am doing a LOT better than I ever have. My doctor is monitoring me very closely mostly because she should, but maybe even more so, because this is the first time I have ever asked for help.

Just so you all know, I am by no means underweight at this point, my doctor is perfectly okay with me losing another 17 lbs, I have gone through different times in my life when I have been overweight and many, many more when I have been sickly thin. My doctor is only allowing me to keep a weight loss goal if I use any site such as this one, and allow her access to it so she can monitor me closely. I have at this point lost 60 lbs (the unhealthy way), but since I have been trying to do this the right way, every time I eat anything significant which means anything with calories I actually do gain weight right now, my doctor says that is because I have always taken the easy way out and never put any real effort into losing weight the hard way, some may think that is harsh, but it is reality and I could use a reality check right about now. This is why the exercise, which I will admit feels good in a LOT of ways. For a while now, I have eaten and exercised and maintained my weight.

I really hope this isn't too long, and I am way scared that maybe I shared stuff that is not appropriate for this site. I am in active treatment and working harder than I EVER have on this and have 100% confidence that I can do this, a few maybe four months ago I quit smoking, just put them down and never picked them back up, no aides or anything. My doctor is using that determination as my key to my success, she and I both know that if I set my mind to something I CAN and I WILL do it. Thanks for reading this. Sorry if I can't add you as a friend quit yet, I will get there I hope.