What Got you....

I too look fat and pregnant all the time. I don't have kids. I have lost two in the first trimester and I'm sure it's because of my weight. My hormones rule me. I get so emotional. I have a hair that started to grow on one mole! I know my testrostone is high and the doctors don't help. I mean it. I've cried when I go, they say eat breakfast and exercise. Other than that they suck! I'm over 100 pounds over weight and I'm obese. My sister is highter than me and she has hair growing on her face like a dude. That freaks me out. She doesn't have a period because of her weight. I don't want to be that way but I can see I am on that track.

I want to control my eating and not let food control me. I'm an awesome cook. I love food. I finially started to read books on whole foods and I'm trying to learn to eat better. Today I made a blackbean burger for the first time ever. It actually tasted good. I made two more thin ones to take to work for this weeks meals.

I'm so afraid to fail. I've fail before and I don't want to anymore. I see others do it and I know deep down if I try I can. I am pretty but the fat makes me sick. Since I've been fat for so long, I have stretch marks and my stomach is huge. My arms are huge and I hate wearing clothes to hide it in black all the time. I live in Florida. I want to be sexy and feel sexy. So what has got me is the feeling inside not feeling sexy and not want sex for the first time ever. I don't want my husband making love to me this way anymore...it just grosses me out. I want him to be proud of me. I want to love me so that I feel good inside and out. I'm tired of having a pretty face and that what others see. There is more to me. That is why I want to win this battle. It's a battle that is going to take more than one year to do. I may be working on this for 2 years to make my goal. But I remind myself, it took 20 years to put on all this weight. Please pray for me. This is a battle for my life. I'm taking it back!