best divorce letter ever !! MUST READ

precioustypeoflove
precioustypeoflove Posts: 197 Member
edited October 3 in Chit-Chat
THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER! Dear Wife, I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite m......eal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! ——
Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

Replies

  • poustotah
    poustotah Posts: 1,121 Member
    This is awesome!!!
  • russelljclarke
    russelljclarke Posts: 836 Member
    Love it, thanks
  • leomom72
    leomom72 Posts: 1,797 Member
    :laugh: yeah, i have seen that before ha ha!
  • illwillie
    illwillie Posts: 19
    Sound like a movie (hitting the lottery and husband leaving the wife) but I like it.
  • Larius
    Larius Posts: 507 Member
    Good one!
  • Upanddown
    Upanddown Posts: 35 Member
    OMG....had to copy and paste this and share!!! Thanks for a laugh =D
  • King_Bee
    King_Bee Posts: 275 Member
    LOL
  • Sweetcheeks278
    Sweetcheeks278 Posts: 356
    That is GREAT!! Love it! Thanks for sharing :)
  • Valencia4143
    Valencia4143 Posts: 3
    LMAO.. .Love it!!:smile:
  • rammsteinsoldier
    rammsteinsoldier Posts: 1,552 Member
    Fabulous! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it!
  • CannibalisticVegetarian
    CannibalisticVegetarian Posts: 1,255 Member
    Funniest thing I real all day.
  • sarahp86
    sarahp86 Posts: 692 Member
    Bahahahahahahahaha
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
    Two very mature people.

    I wonder why it didn't work out?
  • OseaHello
    OseaHello Posts: 28
    LOL love it!
  • YukonJoy
    YukonJoy Posts: 1,279 Member
    The original version of this is a woman who leaves her man, and the man who wins the lottery.

    Nice to see some bitter woman turned it around and sent it back out.

    Pathetic.
  • AllanMisner
    AllanMisner Posts: 4,140 Member
    Her lawyer is wrong in most States. But nice joke.
  • starshine420
    starshine420 Posts: 95
    nice! too funny!
  • JustLindaLou
    JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
    ROFL!!!!! Copying to e-mail to MY sister right now!!!!!
  • jferris91
    jferris91 Posts: 271 Member
    haha thats funny :D
  • mizzdivat
    mizzdivat Posts: 67 Member
    I needed this laugh :smile: Thanks!
  • ShifuYaku
    ShifuYaku Posts: 504 Member
    Well... there you have it :D
  • ToBeSmaller
    ToBeSmaller Posts: 46
    Hahahah reminds me of that joke:

    A woman (or man for whoever may be "sensitive" on this subject) screeches into the driveway and bursts through the door: "Honey pack your bags I won the freakin lottery!"

    Husband: "No *kitten*! What should i pack for, warm weather or cold weather?"

    Wife: "It doesn't matter, just get the f@! out"

    lololololol - makes me laugh every time
  • kimistry35
    kimistry35 Posts: 203 Member
    TOO FUNNY
  • PamelaB43
    PamelaB43 Posts: 50 Member
    Good onE!
  • Mallory0418
    Mallory0418 Posts: 723 Member
    Bahahaha! Classic.
  • abutterflyemerges
    abutterflyemerges Posts: 101 Member
    U know what is freaking funny about this? I knew a woman with a similar story. In my teen days I worked at McDonalds and knew a woman (older) who been there forever! She told me she had been married to this man for 29 years and I congratulated her. She said.."don't" he has been cheating on me with this much younger woman for some time but that she stayed married to him because he made more money than her and he was paying for her children's education. I said why are you working here? She said because she liked it and it was good for her and it made her forget. Months went by and she had mentioned they were divorcing. Then one day she showed up to work to say goodbye to everyone and she told me her divorce was final. I said to her what about the kids and your job you liked so much. She said her last kid graduated and she was leaving because she had won the lottery-big time! She waited until her divorce was finalized before turning in the winnings. She told me that the reason she stayed with him and worked part time because it showed loyalty and that she did nothing wrong in her marriage and that working part time and when it was time to build up her divorce case he had nothing on her but a good wife who worked part time, and was devoted to her husband and she was able to produce proof of his infidelity. A few years later I saw her and she told me she was vising some old friends and that she bought a house in Hawaii and paid off her kids tuition ect.. When I asked her about her ex husband she said the lady he was with left him after a while and when he found out she won the lottery he said he was sorry and wanted her back. Of course she said no.
  • slambyr
    slambyr Posts: 8
    BAHAHAHAHAA!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories