How to deal with verbal abuse

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squintana1979
squintana1979 Posts: 101
in Motivation and Support
Has anyone had to deal with a bit of verbal abuse from others during your weight loss journey? Yesterday, I payed a visit to my sister's home and the first thing that came out of her mouth was...."You need to stop losing weight. You look ugly and sickly right now." Mind you, I am 5'4ish (give or take a 1/2" inch here or there) and I am currently 153 lbs. (I still have 8 lbs to go.) That made me feel pretty bad and although there were plenty of smartaleck / snarky comments I could've made, I said nothing. Any ideas on how to handle this in the future?

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  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
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    I'd just give a huge smile and say "Why ,thank you!"
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
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    Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.
  • purpletrillium
    purpletrillium Posts: 124
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    I say the same as the above poster, "Thank You" is the best reply. We MFP'ers think you look great.
  • teresastrowz46
    teresastrowz46 Posts: 41 Member
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    ahhh i know how you feel. last week i bought a new pair of jeans and was so excited because i bought a size i've never been able to wear. i texted my mom and told her and she said "i think you need to slow down..." i was totally taken aback. what do you mean slow down? i've been eating healthy, exercising, i've lost 55 pounds in about 7 months...how is anything i'm doing unhealthy? i'm WAYYYYY healthier now than i've been in probably 10 years. she then asks, "well when are you going to stop? when is enough enough?" i said, "i'm healthy and i see no reason to not continue losing. i was just excited about the jeans and wanted to share my excitment with someone." so that was last week. this morning i get a text from her saying that she's been thinking about my weight loss "you look beautiful and must feel beautiful but this didn't just happen since you've lost weight...you've always been beautiful inside and out...i just needed you to know that..." so i'm not sure how to take this? it's obvious she thinks i should stop...but i'm just not sure what to do about it.

    so about your situation, i haven't been flat out told that i'm too skinny...i think your weight with your height seems right. is she heavy? coud it be she's jealous? or have you had a competitive sibling rivalry growig up? i know it's easier said than done telling her off since she's family...would she be receptive if you talked to her? i'm not sure how my mom will react if i talk to her.
  • squintana1979
    squintana1979 Posts: 101
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    Pay no attention to the faults of others, things done or left undone by others. Consider only what by oneself is done or left undone.


    Couldn't of said it better myself.:smile:
  • secrets_out
    secrets_out Posts: 770 Member
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    Buy a water gun and shoot stupid ppl :)
  • squintana1979
    squintana1979 Posts: 101
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    ahhh i know how you feel. last week i bought a new pair of jeans and was so excited because i bought a size i've never been able to wear. i texted my mom and told her and she said "i think you need to slow down..." i was totally taken aback. what do you mean slow down? i've been eating healthy, exercising, i've lost 55 pounds in about 7 months...how is anything i'm doing unhealthy? i'm WAYYYYY healthier now than i've been in probably 10 years. she then asks, "well when are you going to stop? when is enough enough?" i said, "i'm healthy and i see no reason to not continue losing. i was just excited about the jeans and wanted to share my excitment with someone." so that was last week. this morning i get a text from her saying that she's been thinking about my weight loss "you look beautiful and must feel beautiful but this didn't just happen since you've lost weight...you've always been beautiful inside and out...i just needed you to know that..." so i'm not sure how to take this? it's obvious she thinks i should stop...but i'm just not sure what to do about it.

    so about your situation, i haven't been flat out told that i'm too skinny...i think your weight with your height seems right. is she heavy? coud it be she's jealous? or have you had a competitive sibling rivalry growig up? i know it's easier said than done telling her off since she's family...would she be receptive if you talked to her? i'm not sure how my mom will react if i talk to her.

    My sister is definitely heavier than me but she is the type of person who is comfortable with her looks. She has always been a very pretty lady. I just don't get where in the heck that comment came from. Talk about coming out of left field. Out of all the women in my family, I have always been the smallest. I model after my Mother while everyone else model's after my Father's side of the family. I'm willing to let this slide but I fear that I won't be so nice in the future. If it happens again, hopefully she WILL be receptive to my feelings about this whole matter. Here's hoping!
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
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    I confess to being a verbal abusing....one time.

    I had a friend who moved away. She was not large to begin with but the next time I saw her she had lost so much weight and was extremely thin. She had been lifting (I think) at a gym. The first words out of my mouth were, "You look horrible. What has happened." I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. It was a shock reaction. She didn't look healthy; she looked anorexic. But, I also, confess that I see some pictures on here (along with pictures of actresses) of people who look "anorexic" because they are so thin. I have not seen my friend since (although we spent htat weekend together and I did apologize) and I still wonder if it was because of what I said, and I so wish I could fix it and take back those words.

    I didn't mean to react that way, but it was such a shock.

    Why am I telling you this? I don't know....perhaps...maybe...people say things sometimes without thinking...and it's not meant to be offensive...maybe they say things out of shock reaction..maybe they say things out of guilt.....

    It doesn't make it right...or make it hurt any less...but sometimes if we can understand where people are coming from then we can have a different outlook on things.

    And, then again,some people are just mean...and some just don't know what they are talking about.

    I'm sorry it was hurtful to you........and I'm sorry I hurt my friend....
  • cupcakemama
    cupcakemama Posts: 52
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    Family and close friends sometimes are just afraid of loseing the person that THEY know....
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
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    Buy a water gun and shoot stupid ppl :)
    :laugh:

    I liked that. At work today my boss had a comment for me. We were talking about having a pot luck, and someone said 'lasagna', i said mmmmmmmm! So my boss said 'oh shut up, you don't even eat real food. It's not healthy you know, you're fading away to nothing!'

    Um, i have 30 pounds to lose...
  • Suziq2you
    Suziq2you Posts: 396 Member
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    My reply would have been, "Well, bless your heart. I know you didn't mean to say that out loud. We'll just pretend you didn't."

    I found that retort here on MFP and have used it several times. Leaves them speechless.
  • kirstand
    kirstand Posts: 76
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    Try to ignore it. They could just be jealous! and most probably are uneducated about weight loss/fitness, etc...
    Though, it is kinda funny how it's usually only the bigger girls that are quite rude...and men are ok with it as well as girls the same size or smaller!?!?
    It's happened to me before.
    Keep up the good work!!
  • Fit02bme
    Fit02bme Posts: 2
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    I was watching a program on OWN the other evening and one of the quotes shared has really stuck with me
    "We are not meant to be perfect we are meant to be whole"
    As long as you know in your soul you are where you need to be with your diet; you could simply say "I disagree with you"
  • Scorpioangel
    Scorpioangel Posts: 951 Member
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    Yes, I have and it sucks. I know some people may not say things to intentionally hurt us when we are on our journey but for me I took it as a stab because it was from individuals who don't really care for me anyways. I was told I was going to look like a skeleton, anorexic, that I was going to go through my shower drain. I just smiled and said thanks LOL :)
  • Venus2011
    Venus2011 Posts: 82
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    It does hurt. Treat negative reponses like water. Let it roll right off of you onto the floor where it belongs. People that hate don't want to see others happy. Misery loves company. Maybe deep down she is not happy with her weight. Just keep on smile and say " thank you" and continue to hold her head up high. :)
  • IvoryParchment
    IvoryParchment Posts: 651 Member
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    If people look different, it is a shock to those who haven't seen them in a while. They're not used to people dieting AND being successful. Usually actually weight loss success means they're sick or on cocaine. People who love you are automatically worried and things pop out of their mouths before they think. Assume they mean well and reassure them that you feel good and are following health guidelines closely.

    I like the comment about "bless your little heart.." though.
  • kmp327
    kmp327 Posts: 97 Member
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    I am betting that she isn't as comfortable with her looks as you think. Have you historically been heavier than her? She may have subconsciously been so comfortable with the way she looked because she was the "thin sister", and her reaction is just jealousy, even if she doesn't realize it. Also, people who are used to seeing you a certain way sometimes need a little time to adjust to how you look - even though you look fantastic - they only see you as looking "different."

    If the comments continue, then I recommend telling your sister that you are being healthy and eating plenty, and that's all that matters and in the future you'd rather her just keep her comments to herself. Keep in mind (without saying it out loud, unless you really want to get into it :)) that she's probably just jealous!
  • SomeMorr
    SomeMorr Posts: 220 Member
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    My reply would have been, "Well, bless your heart. I know you didn't mean to say that out loud. We'll just pretend you didn't."

    I found that retort here on MFP and have used it several times. Leaves them speechless.

    I love that!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Poke her in the belly and do the Pillsbury Doughboy giggle and change the subject. :smile:

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