Coping with more male attention

Elf_Princess1210
Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
edited November 1 in Chit-Chat
Hi all! I have lost about 20 lbs so far, but now guys are paying more attention to me. It feels kind of weird, especially since I'm married. I love my husband and no matter what I weigh or what he weighs I'll always be attracted to him. I just don't know how to deal with guys flirting with me. Any suggestions?

Replies

  • Nitachi
    Nitachi Posts: 142
    Mention your husband in the conversation
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    Hi all! I have lost about 20 lbs so far, but now guys are paying more attention to me. It feels kind of weird, especially since I'm married. I love my husband and no matter what I weigh or what he weighs I'll always be attracted to him. I just don't know how to deal with guys flirting with me. Any suggestions?


    "...yeah thats what my husband thinks too!"
    "...really? Is that so! Ill have to tell my husband that one!"

    or for the persistent males who just cant take the message: "Hey pal, Im married!"
  • pixieakabigd
    pixieakabigd Posts: 69
    I used to struggle with this when I was slimmer and since I have put on weight, I go out hassle-free and I actually found it to be a bit of a relief! But the plan is to lose weight so it will start happening again. Yeah, mention your husband or just smile and say 'thanks but I'm not single'! Some guys will respect that and some will not so you just have to be persistent and insistent. I have had a few negative reactions but as long as you are with friends/your partner, they will back off!
  • Jessica_Sarah
    Jessica_Sarah Posts: 16
    I've been finding that men at the gym are looking at me more now. One even attempted to chat me up the other day! I say enjoy it! You aren't cheating. You deserve to feel attractive!
  • Hambone23
    Hambone23 Posts: 486 Member
    But don't feel too guilty after slapping them down not to accept the compliment of having a guy hit on you. It's nice to see hard work rewarded, and there's nothing wrong with positive feedback. ;}
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Mention your husband in the conversation

    This. And mention how happy you are with him.
  • donniesaurous
    donniesaurous Posts: 176 Member
    I've been finding that men at the gym are looking at me more now. One even attempted to chat me up the other day! I say enjoy it! You aren't cheating. You deserve to feel attractive!

    exactly, your husband will know you love him and thats all that counts! i can't wait to get a bit more attention again, it's a nice buzz!!
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Guess I should also say send the hot ones my way, but I really can't be bothered right now.
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
    Enjoy it! There's nothing wrong with some harmless flirting as long as it's clear to both parties that's all it is. Definitely mention your husband, but otherwise, enjoy the attention!
  • Jaxster12
    Jaxster12 Posts: 25 Member
    When he approaches you take your water bottle and spray him while shouting "DOWN BOY!"

    spray-bottle.jpg

    If he is very persistent then beat him with a stick!

    Stick-icon.png
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Let it be known that you are married if someone gets serious,if it is casual just be proud of what you have accomplished.
    Remember,it is you who are in control of your life,no one else has that power so go with the flow and enjoy with your husband the new healthier you.
  • MiNiMoNkI
    MiNiMoNkI Posts: 447 Member
    Whats wrong with flirting, does it not make you feel good? We went out a few weeks ago (doesnt happen often) i was wearing a black mini skirt crop top huge heels, blonde extensions (hair was blonde then) actually theres a pic on my profile i think. Anyway i got a lot of attention, i even had one guy come up and compliment my OH on his "fit missus" his words!! haha, my OH loved it, he says he feels very proud :)
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    When he approaches you take your water bottle and spray him while shouting "DOWN BOY!"

    spray-bottle.jpg

    If he is very persistent then beat him with a stick!

    Stick-icon.png

    :laugh:
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    You total boaster!! Haha, good on you.

    I don't see the problem as you have the upper hand in every way. Some blokes will be attracted, find out you are married and move on, ego plus. Others will be attracted, find out you are married and still like you as a friend, friends plus.
  • mmuzzatti
    mmuzzatti Posts: 704 Member
    Hey just tell them your married and if they really want to have sex then just be nice and do it but tell them no drama! (What did you expect from a guy!)
  • Jaxster12
    Jaxster12 Posts: 25 Member
    Whats wrong with flirting, does it not make you feel good? We went out a few weeks ago (doesnt happen often) i was wearing a black mini skirt crop top huge heels, blonde extensions (hair was blonde then) actually theres a pic on my profile i think. Anyway i got a lot of attention, i even had one guy come up and compliment my OH on his "fit missus" his words!! haha, my OH loved it, he says he feels very proud :)

    Brb - flirting with all the hot honeys on MFP
  • Jaxster12
    Jaxster12 Posts: 25 Member
    Hey just tell them your married and if they really want to have sex then just be nice and do it but tell them no drama! (What did you expect from a guy!)

    I like your style!!
  • AllanMisner
    AllanMisner Posts: 4,140 Member
    Casually bring up your husband in the conversation. That should do it for the majority of men. It tells us that you're thinking of your husband while you're talking to us.

    If there are more persistent men, then let them know that you're offended and feel insulted that they would think you'd do break your marriage vow.

    Now, put some clothes on. :wink:
  • teagan911
    teagan911 Posts: 36
    I KNOW THIS MAY SOUND CONCEITED, BUT IT IS THE HONEST TRUTH. I am not an egotistical brat, I actually have very low self esteem. With that said..........

    I honestly understand what you are saying OP. Especially if you have spent many years socially awkward and suffering from low self esteem from the weight. It's not "normal" to notice people are actually looking at you and making eye contact. It's a struggle I have been having as well. I also will mention my husband in any conversation. My husband is deployed and my kids are in school during the day, so I am usually shopping/exercising/college alone. I also live overseas on a military base, so there are lots of single marines and soldiers. I honestly have stopped making eye contact with men. It just feels wrong to catch them looking at my body, or them trying to start a conversation. I am hoping that over time I can get used to it and be happy or proud about it. Maybe if my husband were here, I wouldn't notice or care if a man was paying attention to me.
  • tross0924
    tross0924 Posts: 909 Member
    If I saw a girl and said "Wow, you're beautiful," and she said "Thanks, I'm married" I'd think it more than a bit odd. That comes off as sooo conceited, "Every male that's nice to me only wants to sleep with me so I'll cut them off at the pass."

    So I guess it depends on the kind of attention and what they say. If it's a compliment - take it and say thanks. If it's "can I get your number" or an obvious line, then bring up the husband.
  • 79green
    79green Posts: 6 Member
    Bet it makes you feel fantastic though doesn't it. Theres nothing wrong with a little flirting, just don't act on it. Enjoy it thats what i say x
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Hi all! I have lost about 20 lbs so far, but now guys are paying more attention to me. It feels kind of weird, especially since I'm married. I love my husband and no matter what I weigh or what he weighs I'll always be attracted to him. I just don't know how to deal with guys flirting with me. Any suggestions?
    That's nature.
    Losing fat makes you more attractive, and guys come on to you, because of our procreative instinct.
    Like the song says "...we ain't nothing but mammals" - :drinker:

    Just take it as a compliment, and always know that you have options if the chips are down.
    It's good to have options.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    I KNOW THIS MAY SOUND CONCEITED, BUT IT IS THE HONEST TRUTH. I am not an egotistical brat, I actually have very low self esteem. With that said..........

    I honestly understand what you are saying OP. Especially if you have spent many years socially awkward and suffering from low self esteem from the weight. It's not "normal" to notice people are actually looking at you and making eye contact. It's a struggle I have been having as well. I also will mention my husband in any conversation. My husband is deployed and my kids are in school during the day, so I am usually shopping/exercising/college alone. I also live overseas on a military base, so there are lots of single marines and soldiers. I honestly have stopped making eye contact with men. It just feels wrong to catch them looking at my body, or them trying to start a conversation. I am hoping that over time I can get used to it and be happy or proud about it. Maybe if my husband were here, I wouldn't notice or care if a man was paying attention to me.

    I think this stems from the insecurity. In similar situations I have felt uncomfortable as I worried what my husband would think. I would hate the thought that he might be bothered if he could hear the conversation I was having.

    Short story, be polite, be honest, pretend your mother is sitting next to you and let that guide the conversation, and be grateful, because this problem is going away faster than you think.
  • olymp1a
    olymp1a Posts: 1,766 Member
    If I saw a girl and said "Wow, you're beautiful," and she said "Thanks, I'm married" I'd think it more than a bit odd. That comes off as sooo conceited, "Every male that's nice to me only wants to sleep with me so I'll cut them off at the pass."

    So I guess it depends on the kind of attention and what they say. If it's a compliment - take it and say thanks. If it's "can I get your number" or an obvious line, then bring up the husband.

    Couldn't agree more! Well said!
  • cookc04
    cookc04 Posts: 71
    Well - my experience - the other way. When I talk to men - just to chat, they feel obliged to mention their Wife/Girlfriend. Honestly most of the time I am not even thinking that way I'm just a chatty , friendly sort of person.
    So I think just don't flirt with them back, few guys will take it further if you obviously aren't interested.
    If they then come on strong - simply tell them you aren't interested as you are happily married. The media these days makes out that cheating is normal - so unless you mention that you are happily married they will continue to persue.

    But enjoy the looks and the cat whistles - really it's one of the reasons you've been trying to lose - for people to think your hubby is even a luckier guy than they already thought.
  • morenita71
    morenita71 Posts: 137 Member
    interesting - I think it's fine to flirt but also agree one shouldn't presume someone wants more just because they talk to you. I do beleive men and women can be just good friends! I think being charming can be misread as flirting if with opposite sex (assuming you're straight) . I have to say I have been getting attention and can be uncomfortable with it in particular scenarios (I'm 40 and teach 18yr olds - weird when they look you up and down...). On the other hand it could be because you're holding yourself differently. A couple of my good (straight) male friends have said they are not so superficial it's not a question of fewer pounds for them it's that when you lose weight you can appear more confident in yourself which is more attractive than being overly self-conscious. I think this is possibly true - I wear more fitted clothes etc...
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
    When he approaches you take your water bottle and spray him while shouting "DOWN BOY!"

    spray-bottle.jpg

    If he is very persistent then beat him with a stick!

    Stick-icon.png


    I just spit my tea out after reading that one!!!!
  • madC6
    madC6 Posts: 9 Member
    If I saw a girl and said "Wow, you're beautiful," and she said "Thanks, I'm married" I'd think it more than a bit odd. That comes off as sooo conceited, "Every male that's nice to me only wants to sleep with me so I'll cut them off at the pass."

    So I guess it depends on the kind of attention and what they say. If it's a compliment - take it and say thanks. If it's "can I get your number" or an obvious line, then bring up the husband.

    Agreed. It is quite the catch-22 these days. I was speaking to a woman the other day and said that I liked her shirt and she awkwardly worked in her boyfriend almost immediately in the response. It came across extremely strange and forced so I dropped what my next line was going to be in the conversation. "My wife would like it so I was wondering what store you bought it at".

    On the flip side I just bought a new Corvette and see women looking at, and or complemeting it, whenever I take it out of the garage. I just want them to be prepared to be immediately maced from here on out because I know what they are REALLY thinking. < - See, sounds strange doesn't it!!
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