Soooo - which do you appreciate more: "great burn" or honest

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MereMe
MereMe Posts: 312 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have cheated myself thanks to tons of (seemingly) half hearted MFP's motivation comments (see my blog for more on my take at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MereMe/view/new-year-new-me-yada-yada-let-s-get-real-here-196885) over the past few months. For me, I need mfps to call me out when I skip an exercise day and when I gain/lose the same weight over and over AND OVER.... Anyone else ready for honest feedback and to be held accountable?
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  • eoney
    eoney Posts: 35
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    I think you can have too much of anything...I need a good kick in the pants when I'm slacking, but I also need a "you can do this" pat on the back once in awhile too. LOL...so, I guess I very cautiously would answer "honest"...but don't anyone make me run home crying!!! ;-)
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I quite like the enthusiasm and encouragement of people commenting on my diary. It makes me feel like my effort is being noticed. I don't have anyone else saying anything about what I eat, or how hard I exercise, so I appreciate the acknowledgement. I haven't had any real weight gain or issues, so I can't comment on that.
  • melnem
    melnem Posts: 26 Member
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    I would rather have honesty! It really kinda makes me nuts when some walks for 10 minutes and gets a "great job!" or is under their calorie goal for the day and everyone is like "way to go" and you look at their food diary and they've only eaten 900 calories. So please feel free to be honest with me, not all rah rah when I'm only phoning it in and not really working.
  • MereMe
    MereMe Posts: 312 Member
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    I would rather have honesty! It really kinda makes me nuts when some walks for 10 minutes and gets a "great job!" or is under their calorie goal for the day and everyone is like "way to go" and you look at their food diary and they've only eaten 900 calories. So please feel free to be honest with me, not all rah rah when I'm only phoning it in and not really working.

    See - that's so me! My issue with easy comments started with food diaries so I hid mine to avoid people commenting without really checking into it. Some days I wish I could hide my exercise log too since so many just write a comment. People who pay attention to my page know I should be burning in the 1000 range at LEAST 6 days a week. If I'm not, I am slacking! I do have to be accountable to myself - I understand - but embarassment goes a LONG way with me! I was ashamed of my 5# waiver for 3 months, but since no one noticed, I just rode it out! Same here - call me on the good and the bad!!!!
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
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    I quite like the enthusiasm and encouragement of people commenting on my diary. It makes me feel like my effort is being noticed. I don't have anyone else saying anything about what I eat, or how hard I exercise, so I appreciate the acknowledgement. I haven't had any real weight gain or issues, so I can't comment on that.

    This.

    I am hard enough on myself for missing workouts. Plus, I don't really expect my contacts to know my workout plans, so they don't know whether I skipped or took a rest day. I also workout most days, but I also work shift work. Some days, it just doesn't happen no matter how hard I try.
    I don't hand out random comments. If I said it, I was honest. I hope my friends are the same. I prefer to encourage than to correct or enforce. Maybe cause that is my real job :)

    ETA-
    I don't check food diaries, therefore I do not comment at all on them.
  • hope516
    hope516 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I dont have permission to read the blog :huh: what i do to you??? lol :laugh:
  • Beckym1205
    Beckym1205 Posts: 217 Member
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    I appreciate any comment. Some days even the smallest bit of exercise may be all a person could fit in to their crazy busy day. I know that when that happens to me and I managle to squeeze in some exercise I feel proud and I definately don't need someone telling me it wasn't good enough lol.
  • lmelangley
    lmelangley Posts: 1,039 Member
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    The problem is, all things are relative. If I say great burn, it's because for me, it would be a great burn because I'm an exercise slacker and truly appreciate everything anyone does that's physical. I'm not just adding a comment- I'm admiring the effort.

    I personally tend to be more critical of diaries, but again, it's relative. I'm the one who points out when my friends eat too little but am supportive for one day of making higher caloric choices. I tend not to ride people because I don't want anyone to do that to me.

    So, the question becomes, what kind of friend does each of us want? I think it's different for everybody. One of the most helpful profiles I've read was from one of my friends who said point blank that she wasn't interested in anyone who was going to be over critical of the types of food she chose to eat. Maybe we should all learn from that and say in our profiles what kind of friend we're looking for. Because some people want exactly the opposite.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I have posted this to my friends before. If I do a quick 20 minute work out, that's not really a "great burn". If people parrot "great burn" to everything I do, it starts to become meaningless to me.

    "Great Burn" to me is when I put in an hour a day. That's a great burn.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
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    I appreciate honesty, and give it in return. I try not to criticize, but I will question. If someone is only 800 calories, I ask why, if they were under their calorie goal but ate like a broke college student, I will call them out. It is all in moderation though, and I try to balance the compliments with the constructive criticism, and that is what I appreciate in turn.
  • MereMe
    MereMe Posts: 312 Member
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    I dont have permission to read the blog :huh: what i do to you??? lol :laugh:

    Guess it's under a friend only status... I dunno! We can be friend's though! Here it is...
    2012: So far, I am off to a mediocre start. Yes, it's better than 2011 began, but I really have to be honest with myself and with you on where I have gone wrong and what I have found is my biggest issue. More importantly, as you read this, you will see that I need your encouragement on my blog much more than half hearted "great loss" and "good burn" comments on my wall. YES,I appreciate those, but they are a way that I have more or less "excused" my lack of drive and motivation top kick this weight.

    What was 3 months of 'blah' and minimal scale movement rolled right on into 3 months. A few days of sleeping in became a week at one point and a handful of M&Ms became 5 and 6 ... and 7. Why is it so easy to revert to old behaviors out of boredom, stress, and just to taste something? What a struggle I have with just sticking to this new me! Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy my vitamin shakes and even my salads and healthy snacks and dinners. I feel AWESOME when I stick to good eating habits and exercise. I feel ROTTEN when I skip a day or binge - even a little. And yet, I just keep reverting. It makes me furious with myself - to have been stagnant for months now. At first, I could not see how MFP peeps could cheat and revert so easily. I didn't understand their struggles until I found myself in those same trenches. It really is a war for me against my old behaviors and even laziness. Excuses will consume me if I let (even) one slip in. Yes - I am busy. I have 3 kids and 2 commission based jobs. I am a wife and thus housecleaner. I am a friend to many. My lack of time is such an easy excuse, but it is a terrible one to use. I have proven to myself that I CAN make the time (even if it IS 4 am!). I am my own worst enemy in this raging battle!

    Compliments from others were causing me to be a bit proud of my weight loss and did contribute to my "delinquency". BUT - you know what? My mfps have too :( .... I don't know how you feel about it, but the multitude of mini-motivation without any thought is killing me! (I do it too, but am going to do my best NOT TO from here on out!) When I workout and burn 1000+ calories, I get "nice burn" and yada yada... But on the days I skip... no one notices and I feel like I escaped - and thereby am not held accountable. When I lose weight, I get great compliments - but in the past 3 months, I doubt anyone noticed my weight loss was totally stagnant (no one commented accordingly at least). Sure - I lost 4 pounds one week - but had gained 5 the week before. I would gain 2 the next week and then knock out 3 the next. Okay - so I didn't KEEP the weight, but volley-ing it back and forth was SO NOT THE WAY I should have been doing this! I am blaming NO ONE but myself - It's a total mind thing. I see all of you encouraging me and I feel like since you only noticed the good things, the bad must be unseen. But I SEE IT. I see that stupid scale that has gone up and down the same stinking 5 pounds for 3 months. "What you eat in the dark, shows int he daylight". Oh, how true that is in these moments!

    I try to post my success and failures here on my blog and I really need YOU to hold me accountable right here. Call me out, lift me up, shoot me down - give it to me straight, PUH-LEASE! My intentions are not to hurt anyone's feelings. I just know that I need more specific feedback if you can take the time! I will get back to posting every Monday and I genuinely appreciate your support. I will strive to be more specific on my feedback for all of you as well. I need YOU "all up in my (weight loss and exercise) business". K? Ok. Thanks :D

    ***Oopsies - I forgot to lay out our new workout routines and one great item! We can (not that we have been consistent) 5-6 miles 3 times a week now. Last week, we began Chalene Extreme to tons these bodies and say "buh-bye" to these batwings of my grandmother's arms and all this jello skin. We also threw in Zumba 2-3 times a week in a class setting for fun and more as a "bonus" than anything else. I am loving that since some time ago over a decade ago I was a drill team dancer. I miss choreography days! Okay so there were 2 great things - I really (for REAL) teared up at the thought of exercise "classes" and moving in front of others 6 months ago when I began this journey. Now, I can focus in on the moves and blur out my fear. Pretty excited about that. The other awesome thing - my weight has not moved and most of my inches have not either, BUT my abdomen is down 2" from 3 months ago - coulda, should been better.... but now it's GONNA BE! ;)***
  • MereMe
    MereMe Posts: 312 Member
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    I appreciate any comment. Some days even the smallest bit of exercise may be all a person could fit in to their crazy busy day. I know that when that happens to me and I managle to squeeze in some exercise I feel proud and I definately don't need someone telling me it wasn't good enough lol.

    I don't mean "you are awful" comments- guess I hope for more of "Girl! What happened to ya this week? Let's kick our workouts today!" or something?
  • AmeChops
    AmeChops Posts: 744 Member
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    I would rather have honesty! It really kinda makes me nuts when some walks for 10 minutes and gets a "great job!" or is under their calorie goal for the day and everyone is like "way to go" and you look at their food diary and they've only eaten 900 calories. So please feel free to be honest with me, not all rah rah when I'm only phoning it in and not really working.

    For some people a 10 minute walk could be a LOT more exercise than they have been doing previously, I know when I started out I was only doing short walks and to have some tell me "well done" was a great encouragement. If a friend has exercised I will give them a "well done" regardless of how long/strenuous it was - small steps and all.

    Really low on calories or generally a diary made up of junk food, I just won't comment on...or, if I see the junk food but it has been meticulously logged then I might give a "well done for the logging" - at least they're not just leaving stuff out because it was a bad day.

    I do have friends that I've told I think they need to eat more but I'd never dream of telling someone "oh, you really should have hit the gym today...bad form", what if they wanted a day off or had an emergency...I wouldn't like to hear that sort of thing if I'd just had a really crappy day.

    I think positive cheer-ons work better than getting "moaned at" :smile:
  • MereMe
    MereMe Posts: 312 Member
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    So, the question becomes, what kind of friend does each of us want? I think it's different for everybody. One of the most helpful profiles I've read was from one of my friends who said point blank that she wasn't interested in anyone who was going to be over critical of the types of food she chose to eat. Maybe we should all learn from that and say in our profiles what kind of friend we're looking for. Because some people want exactly the opposite.

    ^AGREE! Love this! Changing mine now! ;)
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    I love the positive encouragement. I don't feel it's my place to call anyone out (for the most part). I have nudged a friend but only because I noticed a trend that I thought they may not have noticed. If I feel comfortable, I'll say something. On the other hand, I have deleted friends because I couldn't get behind what they were doing.

    I don't post non-heartfelt comments, either. If I post, "great burn!", I mean it.
  • Minnesnowtagurl
    Minnesnowtagurl Posts: 406 Member
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    So first let me start by stating that you have done well so far. Figuring out the world of weight loss is extremely difficult. I can completely understand where you are coming when you state that you would appreciate good "honest feedback." Also that none of this in intended to hurt your feelings.

    The reality is... if you are looking for people to comment on when you have not lost weight or skipped out on a workout, your friends list and your freind's "friend list" (excuse me) would have to be a lot smaller. In my case it is next to impossible to monitor how much weight/workouts people have been unsuccessful at.

    I comment when I have noticed that a flagged friend has not logged in for a while. I try not to comment too much on a diary unless I can see it. I often post "WTG x 10"...."killer work out" when I trully am impressed by the caloric burn and mean it. Then I also try to comment so people know I notice them and I don't just have people floating in my friend's list.

    MFP is a phenomenal place for extraordinary support but when it comes down to it...for myself. I have to hold ME accountible for every choice that I make. Whether I go work out for 20 minutes when I am used to 70 and get the same "comments" or not. Also if/ when I choose to eat a piece of Birthday cake at work MFPs aren't there to tell me not to do that.

    We all have different definitions of MFP "friends" and what we expect from them. It's so often poeple are deleted and added...."Leanonme is now friends with Hopelessweightloss." As long as you are posting that you are having a rough week or day the support is here, and that is the beauty of this place.
  • ktfitzgerald
    ktfitzgerald Posts: 369 Member
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    I prefer friends who are honestly encouraging :laugh:
  • MrsFelton2010
    MrsFelton2010 Posts: 339 Member
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    I do prefer honesty and try to give it back as well. At the end of the day you have to be responsible for yown actions but our friends should never commend bad habits. I rather they not comment at all lol.
  • SexyCook
    SexyCook Posts: 2,253 Member
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    Honesty is best...I hope that most of my pals know that when I say something that it is to help...I am currently working on my pals that do alot of cleaning and other type workout logs continuously that really wont get yout he results you need...This journey is not easy and its take work!
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    I have cheated myself thanks to tons of (seemingly) half hearted MFP's motivation comments (see my blog for more on my take at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MereMe/view/new-year-new-me-yada-yada-let-s-get-real-here-196885) over the past few months. For me, I need mfps to call me out when I skip an exercise day and when I gain/lose the same weight over and over AND OVER.... Anyone else ready for honest feedback and to be held accountable?

    Well, people on my friends list know that I dont need them for this, I dont need them for anything...
    I dont need to be held accountable by them, I need to hold myself accountable - and 69lbs later in five months definitely proves to the doctors I am accountable. I work with physicians currently as I have discovered a rare metabolic situation that cant be diagnosed (nothing in the books).. so I went through the trouble of indicating on my profile "I am not here for anyone else - I am only here for myself" because of how involved I am with the medical team Im working with...

    If you truly need the MFP friends in your list to do that.. then ask them.. Im sure they will comply....

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