No support at all.

ashleylynnexo
ashleylynnexo Posts: 51 Member
edited November 7 in Motivation and Support
I guess this is some kind of a vent, in some ways. I have trouble finding support. The only person who really ever supported my changes and new interest was my dad, and he died on 12-20-11. Since then I have been so lost and confused, and I've continued exercising and changing my habits but sometimes I just wish I had more support. I only have two friends I am really comfortable talking about weight loss with, and the one who I really wish showed a bit more support shows none. My fiance definitely doesn't show any, he almost makes me feel bad for it because I show a lot of concern for it. Almost like he is jealous how much attention I pay to calories and exercise, he gets plenty of attention though so I don't know how correct my theory could be. My mom has never really had a weight problem, always been very slim so she doesn't know what I'm talking about and hasn't really ever been able to show much support, and definitely can't now since she lost her husband :/ I just needed to say all this I guess. I am terrible at making friends on and offline so it's not really that much of an option.


Where do you all get your support from, & is it better to not have any as I've read in some random google article? lol..
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Replies

  • SimplyShanRunning
    SimplyShanRunning Posts: 885 Member
    My friends list :heart:
  • MrsLawsonNavyBrat2B
    MrsLawsonNavyBrat2B Posts: 170
    so sorry to hear about your dad. It is always hard to lose someone you love.

    I think looking on a site like this is a good first step. I find that ppl here are super supportive and motavational. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to add me. Im here everyday
  • SergeantSunshine_reused
    SergeantSunshine_reused Posts: 5,382 Member
    I have the same at home. My family didn't want me to lose weight when I was at my heaviest. Now I even mention that I want to lose 10 more and they bite my head off.

    Even a lot of my mfp friends do it
  • maybethistime70
    maybethistime70 Posts: 65
    you are grieving I am very sorry for your loss, but give yourself time. Add as many friends as you can and soon you will be getting support from people you've never met!
  • kymberlin
    kymberlin Posts: 113 Member
    Hi, I'm adding you as a friend. Now you have a friend to talk and cry and vent to. Most of my weight loss support is online. We can do this together. Kimberly
  • Mybabie
    Mybabie Posts: 239
    My friends list and my husband. Feel free to add me.:smile:
  • boodlelibra
    boodlelibra Posts: 74 Member
    I get my support from the girls at my Zumba class. We don't talk about weight loss per se, but we are all working toward being healthier and having fun. Most of my friends do not have a weight problem so that makes it hard for day-to-day stuff. I've been randomly friending people on here and everyone has been very nice, though, so I'm going to keep doing that.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    First, I'm sorry to hear about your father. Second, finding really good support in someone you feel comfortable talking to takes time. Just be yourself. If you see someone make a comment that resonates with you, send a friend request. And let things go from there.
  • rawan_alheresh
    rawan_alheresh Posts: 9
    I've had some really good support from total strangers here on MFP. You get to say whatever you want whenever you want and no one will judge you as we are all on the same boat!

    It might help to have a blog and write how you feel 'just like what you just did' and you will be surprised by how uplifting random comments can make you feel..!

    Add me for support if you like :)
  • TurtleRunnerNC
    TurtleRunnerNC Posts: 751 Member
    First of all I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sure that is devastating & look how you have stayed strong and continued your weight loss & exercise journey when you could have easily used this as an excuse to slip. I am certain he would be very proud of you.

    I do not get much support from my hubby but my friends are very supportive.

    Feel free to send me a friend request if you wish. I'm pretty low maintenance you won't have to say much :wink:
  • bpurc22
    bpurc22 Posts: 180 Member
    Yeah, there is something weird about our society where we don't want anyone else to lose weight. It's to make ourselves feel good knowing that even if I'm not exercising or eating right, no one else is. It's all about comparison and jealousy. It's a weird thing, because life changes like these make your life much more enjoyable on the outside and are better for your health, and you would figure that other people would be happy. There's a ton of discrimination against the obese, but we don't want them to drop the weight?

    I'm not sure what to do in your case. Don't say anything about it to your fiance, I guess. BTW I'm very sorry about your father, that's awful. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things in life to deal with - if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
  • cygnetpro
    cygnetpro Posts: 419 Member
    A lot of my support is online, also. This site and WW. I don't tell a lot of other people in the real world, because I don't want anyone scrutinizing my food or activities. I'm pretty good at doing that all by myself.

    I'm sorry about your dad. That's still very fresh. No replacing that support, but making friends here may help.

    Feel free to add me!
  • rebeccawalker1982
    rebeccawalker1982 Posts: 117 Member
    Sorry to hear about your dad. I know that is hard. It has been just over a year (1.4.10) when mine passed from a 3 yr battle with cancer. Wish I could say it gets better but it really doesnt. Just hang in there and do what you need to do for yourself and always know that your dad would be proud of you. The one thing my dad always wanted was grandchildren and we found out we were having our first child (his 1st grandbaby) about 1 1/2 months before he passed.

    I will add you as a friend and you can feel free to vent to me about anything....including what you are feeling about your dad! Dont hold that in....trust me it does not help!
  • psychomomxs4
    psychomomxs4 Posts: 400 Member
    My only really support is my friend who talked me into join this site...There are a lot of us on here...that's what the site about supporting each other.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
    First of all, I am very sorry for the loss of your father. As for support, the people on my friend's list offer great encouragement and my fiance is supportive too. It's unfortunate your family/ friends don't understand however don't let that deter you from reaching your goals. Some people, it seems, like to watch others fail because they lack the motivation to make positive changes within their own lives. Don't fall into that trap. Do this for YOU and do it regardless of what others think. This is a great site and I'm sure you will meet others who are looking for mutual support as well.

    Best wishes!
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    i'm so sorry about your dad. that's a terrible loss.

    the friends list function on here is in place for exactly this reason. friend ppl who you like, ppl who you talk to, there is an amazing support system for each of us here, we just need to reach for it.

    but don't feel bad if you feel disconnected, that's a normal part of grief.
  • dkljj
    dkljj Posts: 11 Member
    If you can find a group exercise class you like, it is a good place to meet friends who are focusing on the same things: diet and exercise. Some of my best friends and support; I met at spin class. Don't be intimidated if you are not an exerciser. Everyone in the class will have been in your shoes at the beginning. They will all understand and be supportive.
  • soniaa777
    soniaa777 Posts: 126 Member
    sorry about your dad. You can add me :) i dont look to add many people online becuz i guess i only felt i needed a few.
    in "real" life you dont really need any friends to talk about it with, just do your thing. my fiance is just starting to try to lose weight with me, but otherwise he was quite the food pusher- same as yours not taking you seriously.
    add my fitness pal friends because they have the same goals.
    i found it better that keeping my real life friends seperate from my weightloss online friends.
    when you start to reach your goals and lose some weight that is noticable- that seems to be when people will take your weightloss effort seriously. thats how it seemed with me.
    everyone just thot i was full of it and didnt take me serious until they saw visible results.
    You are going to do great. and things will get better for you :)
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
    My friends list :heart:
    this and only this also! so many great friends on here it isnt necessary for me to have support at "home"
  • grapenutSF
    grapenutSF Posts: 648 Member
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. That's really, really recent, so I can only imagine how discombobulated you must feel right now.

    I encourage you to work toward increasing your support, both IRL and here-- haven't read that article but if it says support is bad I cry Hooey!

    I get support from different sources. My husband. Here. And I've met a lot of great people at my gym, especially since taking classes. You see a lot of regulars if you are one. There are good people enjoying fitness out there, so find them in the midst of it. Join a running group, talk to the people in your Zumba class-- little by little. It's a great way to meet like minded people.
  • localatte
    localatte Posts: 78 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a time that you need support. Apart from getting support from MFP friends, I would suggest going on Meet up dot com. They have walking groups, board game groups, etc. I'm shy and it can be hard to make friends, but there are a lot of other people looking to make friendships too. At least, you can meet up with groups that have people who have the same goals as you.

    Wishing you the best.
  • missmegs1908
    missmegs1908 Posts: 29 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. You are doing a great thing for yourself by trying to change your behaviors and get healthy.
    Most of my support comes from here - random people that I've added to my friends list. It's amazing how people you don't even know in real life can be so understanding and supportive.
    I was on here about 2 years ago - and didn't have any friends on my list. I felt weird sending people requests. But this time, I found some friends will say that my MFP friends have honestly been what has kept me on track.
    I will send you a request :)
  • sunshine421969
    sunshine421969 Posts: 273 Member
    Hi, First of all I am very sorry about your dad.As someone here mentioned, you kept going and that is great...Just keep doing it and each time you workout say to yourself...THIS IS FOR US DAD!! He would be very proud!! This is a great site, I have been here for a few months now and I went through something almost two weeks ago and the people here were so nice and encouarged me to keep going and it helped me so much.I am back on track due to the support of my husband and my friends here on MFP .I wish you the best..Message me or add me as a friend. I will help you in anyway I can..:flowerforyou:
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. It can't be easy, especially since you just went through the holidays.

    As for support, I find mine online, for the most part. It seems easier that way for some reason.
  • trudemeanor
    trudemeanor Posts: 60 Member
    Ive added you as a friend. I understand what it feels like to lose a father whom you are close with. MFP is a great place to find support
  • StevLL
    StevLL Posts: 921 Member
    Very sorry for your loss. You have a lot going on and support is what you need. My wife (hootsmamma) and I are doing this together and that helps a lot. MFP has been amazing. The folks here are very supportive and while there are some (as in any community) that can be harsh) I've experienced only positive support. If you need supportive friends feel free to add us. I've been blessed with an amazing group of friends on here and they help make this possible. You can do this. Good luck and things do get better.
  • krsmith60
    krsmith60 Posts: 4
    i am so sorry to hear about your loss...i lost someone very close to me in november and still feel very sad at times but it IS getting easier..just don't be afraid to FEEL and always cry when you feel like crying...you have come to the right place...this will be your support system and you will achieve your goals!! :)
  • ansata
    ansata Posts: 52
    I can feel your pain. I lost my dad 08-01-11 this past year. A man I couldn't stand for a long time took my heart with him. I never knew how much I needed my dad. We just couldn't be in the same room for long. Now I just miss him so much. I find myself wanting to call his cell phone. I will dial it of course its out of service. Christmas was so hard this year. I know it had to be EXTREMELY hard for you too. We got through it, we opened presents very quickly, ate then sat around. We hardly talked to each other. I went to East Tennessee (where I grew up and they live) for three weeks to help mom. Again we just all went through the motions. It is hard to get support. Even harder when the only support you can find is on the internet. You can't hear the words that you need to hear, you can't feel the person patting you on the back.
    All I can offer to you is a eye to read your posts and encouragement on here to help you go through the motions. At this point that is all you can do. Just breathe in and breathe out and keep breathing! Try to remember your conversations that you had with your dad. Try to remember the encouragement he gave you. Keep it close to your heart as you keep plodding forward. You will find yourself talking to him more, thats good its part of the healing process.
    I can say one thing, You're still here, you made it this far! You have had moments good and bad. But you still remain standing. That in itself should be a testament to what you are accomplishing. You are still standing and the elements that were thrown at you, are scattered at your feet and YOU ARE STILL STANDING. When you don't feel like standing there are forces that keep you standing even on the days when you don't remember. But every time you battle an element, remember you are a survivor and YOU WILL STILL BE STANDING!
    Gods blessings upon you friend! We are here Still standing!
    Yours in Christ,
    Carla aka Ansata
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
    Just added you as a friend. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad & that it happened just in time for the holidays. Losing a parent is definitely very difficult & nobody can ever replace them, not even your fiance or best friends. Anyway I know he will always be there watching you & I'm sure he's very proud of what you have achieved so far. But at least you have taken the first step to make some positive improvements in your life & MFP is a great place to get support that real life people couldn't even provide.
  • Ryder9902
    Ryder9902 Posts: 22 Member
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss. Feel free to add me. I'm a bit addicted to this site. I will be here to support you through your journey.
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