Rant...

missimperfect
missimperfect Posts: 66 Member
edited November 8 in Chit-Chat
Apparently, my not being able to get over 8 years of sexual abuse means that I'm 'playing the injured bird'. And that I shouldn't be depressed because I have no valid reason too. So..the flashbacks and everything isn't a valid reason..? I mean sure, it isn't like it's happening now. But the flashbacks and panic attacks make it very vivid, still.
I've only been totally free of the environment it happened in for less than a year. And those things take time. Don't people realize that?

/rant over

Replies

  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that! Whoever is telling you these things isn't a very good friend or family member. These things take time, and a year is not enough for most people.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Sorry for whatever you went through and hope posting this has in some way helped but also please look into real life personal help as well if you have not yet.
    Something like that is difficult to deal with on your own. :flowerforyou:
  • CouchSpud
    CouchSpud Posts: 557 Member
    Apparently, my not being able to get over 8 years of sexual abuse means that I'm 'playing the injured bird'. And that I shouldn't be depressed because I have no valid reason too. So..the flashbacks and everything isn't a valid reason..? I mean sure, it isn't like it's happening now. But the flashbacks and panic attacks make it very vivid, still.
    I've only been totally free of the environment it happened in for less than a year. And those things take time. Don't people realize that?

    /rant over

    You'll always come across those people. Don't bother about their opinion, what do they know?
    Give yourself the time you need. No two people are the same so shouldn't be measured up against each other. You will take the time you need and hopefully in the end will come out kicking *kitten*.

    I agree with Carl01 though, find yourself a good professional, someone you can talk to and feel comfortable around. Then start working your way out of it. It's not going to be pretty and it's not going to be easy. But eventually you will, because if you don't - your abuser still rules your life
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
    You might explore a PTSD support group. You are likely having some of those kinds of issues. Not all PTSD sufferers are soldiers, they are sufferers from car accidents, assault, abuse and many more kinds of traumatic events. PTSD can hit anyone and sounds like you could use some support from others who have the same kinds of experiences.
  • tyroneadams
    tyroneadams Posts: 55
    Praying 4 u! God bless! Read the book of Phillipians. A good professional christian counselor will help too. It helped me. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: It will take time. Don't listen to negative people.
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
    Whomever cast that stupidity upon you has no further business in your life. No one has a right to judge how you come to terms with what has happened to you. Shame on them. Now, back to you. One day at a time and along with seeking some sort of routine counseling, try to surround yourself with positive people and stay far away from the negative and judgmental ones. This is totally not an easy thing to overcome, but the bottom line is like CouchSpud said - you can't let it rule you - no good will come from that. If you would like, please add me as a friend. Peace to you. :flowerforyou:
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    You might explore a PTSD support group. You are likely having some of those kinds of issues. Not all PTSD sufferers are soldiers, they are sufferers from car accidents, assault, abuse and many more kinds of traumatic events. PTSD can hit anyone and sounds like you could use some support from others who have the same kinds of experiences.

    This ^^^^. Sorry for your situation, but if you aren't already seeking help- there are plenty of support groups out there for you, hun.
  • kaetmarie
    kaetmarie Posts: 668 Member
    I was raped at 17...and I'm 26 now and will sometimes have a flashback. It definitely takes time. Mine was a one time thing and it took a long time and lots of hard emotional work to get over. My advice is to surround yourself with supportive people. While you're healing, you should spend no time feeling like you have to explain how you're feeling to others. Everyone deals with things differently, everyone gets over their own past pain in different ways/timeframes.

    Rest assured though, that you can and will get through this. I had a rough few years and I will occasionally go through a rough patch still (there will always be those triggers, you know) -- but I'm now very content and happy overall. You can do this. To the extent possible in your life, stay away from negative influences and give yourself time to heal. Best of luck to you!
  • CorrieV1976
    CorrieV1976 Posts: 320 Member
    I am no professional and I am sorry for what you went through, but I can speak from experience that, loved ones, trying to help are usually right in their advice, in my opinion, and take it or leave it, The more we play the victim (which is easy to do) the longer the abuse engulfs you. I am not being mean or insincere or trying to negate the trama, I am just saying you endured it long enough, time to move on and stop letting it run your life .

    I hope this isn't out of place, I mean it in a loving , caring way, I was there, I went through some hell, but I have learned to overcome it and I speak with complete honesty that you will love your life a whole lot more.
  • GINAvsGINA
    GINAvsGINA Posts: 270 Member
    I hate to hear when anyone has had to deal with any kind of abuse. It is not something that is easy to get over but some people don't understand that. People who have not gone through what you have always have the remedy for fixing you (YEAH RIGHT). I truly think you need to people talking through this with a therapist because it could definitely help aid in your weight loss efforts. You seem to have a lot on your plate and if you don't have people in your life that let you know that its ok what your feeling and going through that makes things even more difficult. I want you to know that "IT IS OK WHAT YOUR FEELING" and don't let any tell you different. We are all different and deal with circumstances differently so no one can tell you how long it should take you to heal. I will be praying for you and hope the best for you. God Bless You!
  • LHSweeney
    LHSweeney Posts: 87 Member
    Oh my goodness. I am praying for your recovery. You do have to find a way to empower yourself and turn from victim to survivor though. There are a lot of good people here on MFP but you need to find an organization of women who have been through the same things as you. Not feeling alone is key. I won't pretend to understand your issues but u can friend me if you want, and I will try to be a positive voice for you.
  • kaetmarie
    kaetmarie Posts: 668 Member
    You might explore a PTSD support group. You are likely having some of those kinds of issues. Not all PTSD sufferers are soldiers, they are sufferers from car accidents, assault, abuse and many more kinds of traumatic events. PTSD can hit anyone and sounds like you could use some support from others who have the same kinds of experiences.

    ^^^This also. PTSD can be treated with success!
  • MummyOfSeven
    MummyOfSeven Posts: 314 Member
    Since you've posted on a public forum, I'm assuming that you don't mind a bit of advice?

    First and foremost, if you're not getting some sort of counselling already, you really should. You need to heal.

    Second, you DO NOT need people like this in your life. Distance yourself from them for your own good. They are doing you nothing but harm.

    Third, if I could reach you I would give you a big hug right now (permitting?).
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
    Apparently, my not being able to get over 8 years of sexual abuse means that I'm 'playing the injured bird'. And that I shouldn't be depressed because I have no valid reason too. So..the flashbacks and everything isn't a valid reason..? I mean sure, it isn't like it's happening now. But the flashbacks and panic attacks make it very vivid, still.
    I've only been totally free of the environment it happened in for less than a year. And those things take time. Don't people realize that?

    /rant over
    Some people think their apology should heal all wounds.

    It's like the guy emerging from his cellar after a tornado had ripped apart the house and property.
    "Yippie! The wind stopped blowing!"

    Sure, the wind no longer blows, but the damage must still be repaired.
    It will take time.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    You might explore a PTSD support group. You are likely having some of those kinds of issues. Not all PTSD sufferers are soldiers, they are sufferers from car accidents, assault, abuse and many more kinds of traumatic events. PTSD can hit anyone and sounds like you could use some support from others who have the same kinds of experiences.

    ^^^This also. PTSD can be treated with success!

    I agree-I have PTSD, but it doesn't have me...You can get through this with the proper network of support and counseling.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    I am no professional and I am sorry for what you went through, but I can speak from experience that, loved ones, trying to help are usually right in their advice, in my opinion, and take it or leave it, The more we play the victim (which is easy to do) the longer the abuse engulfs you. I am not being mean or insincere or trying to negate the trama, I am just saying you endured it long enough, time to move on and stop letting it run your life .

    I hope this isn't out of place, I mean it in a loving , caring way, I was there, I went through some hell, but I have learned to overcome it and I speak with complete honesty that you will love your life a whole lot more.

    :heart: This x100
  • MummyOfSeven
    MummyOfSeven Posts: 314 Member
    Some people think their apology should heal all wounds.

    It's like the guy emerging from his cellar after a tornado had ripped apart the house and property.
    "Yippie! The wind stopped blowing!"

    Sure, the wind no longer blows, but the damage must still be repaired.
    It will take time.

    This ^^^
  • 30yearssincebikini
    30yearssincebikini Posts: 261
    i was once on a forum and I asked my son why was everyone so mean on the internet and he said "Mom, it's the INTERNET!" as if that totally answered the question. And really, it did. This is the internet. You will get a88holes. Ignore them.
  • missimperfect
    missimperfect Posts: 66 Member
    Thanks to everyone who commented on this. It really helped. I don't have the money for therapy right now so I'm looking into free support groups.
  • MummyOfSeven
    MummyOfSeven Posts: 314 Member
    Thanks to everyone who commented on this. It really helped. I don't have the money for therapy right now so I'm looking into free support groups.

    I wouldn't be surprised if you found a couple here on the forums.
    Best of luck my dear :flowerforyou:
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Thanks to everyone who commented on this. It really helped. I don't have the money for therapy right now so I'm looking into free support groups.

    Whatever state you live in, I am sure there are a list of free support groups on the state's gov website. :)
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I'm sorry that happened to you. And I'm sorry that there is someone in your world who can't be patient enough to allow you to deal with those feelings. I don't know who your rant was about, but I would suggest distancing yourself from them, at least until you can better cope with your feelings about what happened to you. They just don't sound like a very supportive individual to have around you right now.
  • sloneczka
    sloneczka Posts: 18
    If I could give you a hug right now I would, bless your heart. I hope you stay strong and find the light at the end of the tunnel. Sending all good vibes your way my dear! Lots of people offered great advice so I don't have much else to add. Be good to yourself <3
  • kymdarnell
    kymdarnell Posts: 101
    hey there - please what I am about to say do not take it the wrong way - I just wish I had someone tell me - I too experienced sexual/emotional/physical abuse from a very early age - too me it was 'normal -' anyway - before I truly dealt with it I 'enjoyed' telling people about what I went thru only because it gave me the sympathy I craved - I was playing the victim - it is not until now that I have fully recovered and forgave the abuser that I gained my 'power' back - it took many years - nearly a decade to get to the point that i am at . so what i am trying to say (probably very poorly) is when you talk about it, talk to people that have gone thru it and have 'handled' it - don't talk to friends/family that have no idea about it - and don't talk to people that are at the same stage as you . You will get thru this hon - private message me anytime if you want.
  • LadyFaile
    LadyFaile Posts: 60
    Any time there is a mental/emotional illness or problem, these type of people can come out of the wood work. The issues is that these types of things aren't visible, so people that haven't experienced them or were able to recover easily will invariably have false assumptions about what is involved for everyone else.

    {{Hugs}} to you and remember that there are those of use who understand and support you on your journey to recovery.
  • SnowWhite824
    SnowWhite824 Posts: 210
    I'm sorry whatever happened to you, happened. However, not doing anything about it is not getting you anywhere. Get help, get therapy. Get to the point that you realize that you cannot controll what other people do/think, but you can controll what you do/think and how everything effects you.
    Life is not always fair - trust me, I know - But you have to take control of yourself. If you don't, your only letting them win.
  • hellokathy
    hellokathy Posts: 540 Member
    I'm really sorry about what happened to you. But I agree with the others, you should go find help. Otherwise you'll keep coming across people giving you stupid reactions like the one you described. It's not even because they ARE stupid but it's because they have no idea what it's like and they're very unlikely to be of much help. So, please, do yourself a favor and get help as soon as possible. It doesn't have to be an expensive therapist, in the end what matters most is that you'll be talking to someone who understands.
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