Help with unfortunate situation?

Maggieq87
Maggieq87 Posts: 400 Member
edited November 8 in Chit-Chat
I'm going to try to make this as double sided as possible so I don't sway opinions. I've been put in a difficult situation and I'd really like some help getting to the right thing to do.
Two girls share a room in London. Girl one has a male friend that occasionally sleeps over (every other weekend ish). Girl 2 hates this man and has asked several times to please not bring him over anymore. He's rude and disrespectful. Does drugs in the house and makes her and all the other 5 flatmates uncomfortable.
Girl 2 realises she's missing £100 from her purse and tells girl 1. Girl 2 goes to work. Girl one immediately asks if her friend has taken the money. He's gets weird defensive, aggressive, and refuses to leave. Girl one gathers her laptop and valuables and locks her self in the bathroom until he leaves, not knowing girl 2 kept her money under her mattress. He leaves and she sees all the drawers have been rifled through cheque book and passport are missing. As is £800 from girl 2's money.
The cops are called and a report is filed but they can't do anything about the cash. No proof.
Is girl one obligated to pay girl 2 back for what her "boyfriend" has done or do we chalk it up to bad luck?

Replies

  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
    Wow Maggie! So sad to hear that this is going on... that must be so stressful! I actually do believe that it is the responsibility of the girl who keeps having the guy over. She has disrespected your other roommate's wish and if he is the culprit, she needs to get that money back or pay your roommate back.

    I hope this resolves quickly!
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    Obligated?...I would say no.
    Apologetic and remorseful then yes,how she wishes to deal with those feelings is up to her.
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    Definitely a bad situation, but I don't think Girl 1 is obligated to pay anything back. And why keep that much money under a mattress? :(
  • killingtheantagonist
    killingtheantagonist Posts: 178 Member
    Yeah, she should be obligated to replace whatever is missing. Whomever brought the troublesome person into that house is responsible for that.
  • L2M1D52
    L2M1D52 Posts: 616 Member
    I would say she should at least honestly try and help her replace what was stolen and wouldn't really chalk it up as an unfortuante incident. She kept bringing him, her friend voiced her concern with him being there and the part that gets to me the most is that girl 1 grabbed all her belongings and locked herself into the bathroom. Unless he became irrate and she was scared for her life then I would understand her locking herself into the bathroom. However, she had time to grab her stuff? Why didn't she call the cops right then? She didn't hear the guy going through stuff? Good luck to them living together that's for sure :(

    ETA: I just reread the post. I see he was being aggressive, but I'm still questioning this ability to grab her stuff in the process and not calling the cops to get him to leave faster. I still think it's her responsibility.
  • Maggieq87
    Maggieq87 Posts: 400 Member
    The money is under the mattress because she's an American girl unable to get a uk bank account because she's on a tourist visa and not allowed to work.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    Obligated? No. The right thing to do? Yes.
  • Solomonre0
    Solomonre0 Posts: 143 Member
    I think it would be nice of the girl to pay her friend back, or take over some of her rent ($50 a month or whatever). But is she responsible, no.
  • chubbybunnee
    chubbybunnee Posts: 197 Member
    If you had proof he took the money it sounds like you would have some sort of case since she was negligent and by allowing him to stay when you voiced your opinion , that she was taking responsibility for his actions. I have seen this happen in some cases, but you have to have proof he stole the money and how much he stole or else it's your word against hers. If she knows he stole it and admits to it with an apology, then get it in writing in an email or text message and you could possibly have a case.

    You do however have a case of constructive eviction if she keeps allowing him over then you could leave and find a new place and not have to be liable for the rent since she made the living conditions unbearable to you. Locking yourself in a bathroom to get away is definetely not something you should have to do in your own place! I would call an attorney there that has a free consult and get some advice. It couldn't hurt!
  • meg0013
    meg0013 Posts: 102
    Obligated? No. The right thing to do? Yes.
  • staps065
    staps065 Posts: 837 Member
    Obligated, no! But ask her if she would expect to be paid back if the roles were reversed? The whole do unto others as you would have others do unto you.
  • mrlazy1967
    mrlazy1967 Posts: 285 Member
    Sounds like one for Judge Judy.
    Can't girl move?
  • ShellyMacchi
    ShellyMacchi Posts: 975 Member
    ouch...

    my opinion?
    If this guy was already suspected of theft, and girl one gathered her stuff and hid herself away until he left, why did she not take the phone with her and call the police?
    She left him unattended in the apartment to help himself to their property, to trash or steal it if he wished, instead of taking steps to get herself out of the apartment, reporting him immediately, and keeping the situation under surveillance from a safer location out of the apartment until police arrived to deal with it all.

    Yes, if i were her i would feel responsible for at least trying to pay at least some of the money back, despite the fact that i may have made that bad choice to hide in the bathroom out of self preservation.
    Sure it may have been a situation that was based on not much thought and mostly safety, but girl one had time to gather some of her own things to take into bathroom with her for safe keeping afterall, without any thought given to room mates items.

    :(

    sorry
  • Gharley64
    Gharley64 Posts: 37 Member
    Not obligated. It doesn't matter how much it was, or WHERE it was...it was in YOUR space. Someone searched for it, and stole it from you. If she doesn't respect you enough to listen to anything else you've said, she aint paying it back......If she wants to keep this creep, either she moves out or you do.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
    Chalk it up to experience... Girl 2 knew knew her roomie was prone to bringing home this *kitten* boyfriend and CHOOSE to leave a large amount of cash hidden in the house. This is what a bank is for.

    Also, start looking for a new roomate because women who put up with that **** do it again and again and again. If she doesn't bring this guy back, chances are the next one will be as bad or worse. At least all you lost was money. If you had been home when she confronted him, it could have been a lot worse. You never know how someone on drugs will react, violence is always a possibility.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    Obligated no but girl 1 is responsible for what happened, and if I were girl 2 I would be expecting girl 1 to replace my stolen items.
  • SafireBleu
    SafireBleu Posts: 881 Member
    Chalk it up to experience... Girl 2 knew knew her roomie was prone to bringing home this *kitten* boyfriend and CHOOSE to leave a large amount of cash hidden in the house. This is what a bank is for.

    Also, start looking for a new roomate because women who put up with that **** do it again and again and again. If she doesn't bring this guy back, chances are the next one will be as bad or worse. At least all you lost was money. If you had been home when she confronted him, it could have been a lot worse. You never know how someone on drugs will react, violence is always a possibility.

    I agree with this completely. 100 was already missing why keep the rest around to be robbed again?
  • nahralynn
    nahralynn Posts: 125 Member
    I don't think the girl is obligated, but I know if I was her I would feel so bad that I would try to pay back the money taken. Not much I think can be done here except what has been done. Good luck!
  • OneAngelFallen
    OneAngelFallen Posts: 2
    legally obligated? no, not unless a court can prove she (girlfriend of lowlife thief) was in on the theft... but morally obligated by the code of positive human behaviors? oh yeah, she should pay up!
  • leeshults
    leeshults Posts: 223 Member
    She should offer to pay for sure......she knew no one liked him for a reason!
  • FriendsR4EverTreasures
    FriendsR4EverTreasures Posts: 179 Member
    Definately Judge Judy! For real, take it to court!
  • L2M1D52
    L2M1D52 Posts: 616 Member
    They are in London. Do they even know who Judge Judy is? LoL Chica number 2 is from the U.S. on a visa that can't get a bank account. Is chica number 2 suppose to carry her wad of cash to work with her?
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
    There is no proof its him. Nice to know that someones past rules their future. Lovely.
  • Softly_Sedated
    Softly_Sedated Posts: 11
    Agree with stfulauren, laloquita21, and shellymacchi. As a side note, I don't understand why Girl 2 can't have a bank account just because she is on a tourist visa. Where is she expected to keep her money (that I assumed she saved to come to the U.K.) ? Also, you said that she went to work, but is not allowed to work because she is on a tourist visa. So one roommate is breaking the law and could be deported if caught or reported while another invites lowlifes to stay in the flat with no concern for her safety or that of her roommate's, or the latter's comfort. New roommates need to be found!
  • AlmstHvn
    AlmstHvn Posts: 376 Member
    I'm with the others in that Girl 1 may not be obligated to reimburse her flatmates for stolen property. What DOES sound necessary is for there to be a firmer flatmate agreement - how boyfriends/overnight guests are to be handled, drug-use in the apartment, and so on. I don't think the majority of the house should be afraid for themselves or their property in their own home.
  • nodone
    nodone Posts: 10 Member
    She is not obligated to pay as no proof or evidence. You should make landlord aware and everyone should complain saying wont pay rent until situation is under control. She will probably get evicted. and suggest locks for each room to the landlord which should have been standard practice in the first place.
  • tanyaMax
    tanyaMax Posts: 524 Member
    YES! the right thing would be for her to pay her back. it was her friend who stole it so she should repay with out even having to be asked.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories