To Meet or Not?

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Vodkha
Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'll try to keep this short!!

I started talking to this guy online over a year ago now. It was originally thought I would be moving back to my hometown (where he lives) so I looked online at that time for people to talk to from there, with the idea I'd know someone once I moved. I didn't move when planned, but we kept talking. We usually talk every day via text/MSN and maybe once a week chat on the phone. When we first started talking, I was a lot smaller, so he saw those pics from when I was around 160lbs. Regardless, we have many of the same interests, have about the same personality type and seem to get along well. We talk about most everything and consider each other friends.

Recently, I have moved to the same town as him. He has asked me to meet him and I kept saying yeah we will, the main thing holding me back is my weight (at this moment, 238lbs). A little while ago I was honest and I told him that since we had started talking, I had gained some weight. I flat out said I am apprehensive to meet him because of my weight. He said 'it didn't matter to him'...he has seen pics of me how I am now and I guess the pics don't show just how large I am, so he keeps telling me I am not fat. I'm realistic and I know how I look. I want to meet him and think we might get along well, but I don't want him to open up that door and go holy ****!!! I have told him that I am dieting and working out and that I won't be the same size in 6 months as I am now...and he kinda brushes off what I say. It kind of bothers me that I am trying to be honest with him so he won't be shocked out of his mind, and he doesn't believe me.

I'm a good, decent person and I know I should be liked for who I am, blah blah, but obviously I want to feel good about myself too when meeting someone new. I'm not really sure WHAT my question is here, lol, just looking for some advice I guess. Short of telling him how much I weigh, I've shown him pics and TOLD him I am fat. I'm not sure what else I can do.

Replies

  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
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    If you want things to progress further, then just go for it. He can't say that you were not honest with him. Just set up a lunch date and see how it goes.
  • ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll
    ffuunnnnyy__ggiirrll Posts: 431
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    Have a little faith that he means it when he says it doesn't matter.

    Meet him.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
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    Have a little faith that he means it when he says it doesn't matter.

    Meet him.

    ^ This
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
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    lolwut_208.jpg
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Go for it,you have nothing to lose when you think about it.
    If you don`t hit it off in person then you go your separate ways or be friends,if you never meet because of worries how are you in any different result?
  • kirbykez
    kirbykez Posts: 122
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    lolwut_208.jpg

    I couldn't stop laughing after seeing this
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Have a little faith that he means it when he says it doesn't matter.

    Meet him.

    Yup. Youve invested a year talking to eachother. Chances are he really IS interested in you for YOU. One way to find out....
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    It's been over a year of online communication back and forth so at this point it's not really a waste of time and it doesn't hurt but to try and meet him. Just think he obviously likes you for your mind so your appearance probably don't even matter to him at this point. You should definitely meet him :)
  • Rayman79
    Rayman79 Posts: 2,009 Member
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    What you are experiencing is projection. You obvoiusly have issues with your appearance now, and your self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering. As I was reading your post (which I grant is of course a completely one-sided account), it seems clear that you are the one who has the issue meeting with this person.

    I understand your fear in investing a significant amount of time into a relationship (on any level) to have it fail because you are overweight. However the fact that you have been pretty open with him, sent him pics etc, suggests that his level of concern over your appearance is significantly less than your own.

    My advice: as difficult as is may be, please try to put aside your insecurities and meet this person. He likes you for who you are, he knows you as a person and that is by far the most important thing here. Just remember that you are a nice person, he genuinely likes you for who you are (and vice-versa too obviously).

    If you let your fear and insecurities rule your life, you will have a life half-lived. So take a deep breath, put on your most confident facade, and get out there!
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    Meet him.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Thanks for the advice. I just wanted to be upfront with him about it, so it didn't come as a shock. It just sucks that he won't believe me about being overweight! I thought the camera was supposed to add 10lbs?! lol.
  • MommyTKD
    MommyTKD Posts: 61 Member
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    Here's the thing. If it would REALLY make such a difference to him... is HE really worth it? I say meet him (now a caveat. I'm a martial artist and a mom SO... meet him in a public place. And bring a friend. You do NOT take chances with your safety).

    If he's so superficial that he can't see past your outside now, he's not worth holding on to for later. Just my 2 cents.
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    Yeah, I understand all the 'he isn't worth your time if he doesn't like you for you' stuff, but my whole thing is just wanting to avoid the initial shock of him seeing me. I just wanted to let him know. If I told him I was overweight and he said whoa, I'm not into that, then that would have been cool, not everyone likes certain traits. Thanks for all the replies! :))
  • krissagirl0709
    krissagirl0709 Posts: 291 Member
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    Meet him!
  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I don't think he will look at you and go, "Holy crap!!!!" with his eyeballs falling out of his head. Who would do that? You can't control other people's feelings as much as we would like to be able to do that. I agree with the others...... give it a shot. If he was a shallow jerk, you probably would've figured that out by now.
  • auntdeedee87
    auntdeedee87 Posts: 706 Member
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    I met Andrew in June for the first time.

    We started talking in May on OkCupid. Then texted.

    One drunken night during a vacation I got honest and admitted I was apprehensive about meeting him because I had put on weight since my photos and was at my heaviest.

    He didnt care.

    Through my drunken haze, I distinctly remember him answering back, "Well, I'm interested in you, not the number on your clothes."

    We have been together seven months now. Meeting him was difficult and took guts and confidence. It was also the best decision I ever made.

    If he's the kind of guy who would reject you because of your weight, you'd know by now, and you wouldnt be asking us to convince you.

    Take the chance.

    If he is a dud, write it off as learning experience.
    If he isn't, you won't regret it.
  • Florawanda
    Florawanda Posts: 283 Member
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    Go for it, and as others have said, if, and I think it is a remote chance, he does react badly, then at least you've found out now. He has got to know the real you, the things you like, the ideas you have, just as you have got to know him. Would you be put off if you discovered he had a disfigurement of some sort?

    Relationships are founded on much more than appearance, and if they last, your appearance will change anyway as you grow older, so they need the solid foundation of common interests and attitudes, and attraction to each other's personality. When I first met my husband at a party, he made me laugh - he still does, nearly 45 years on!
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    We met. We were supposed to meet in a few days and hang out for a long period of time but I told him I would prefer a quick meet before then to see if we get along. No sense meeting up with someone and having to stick around when you don't get along.

    Anyways, he mentioned to me he was going to grab something quick to eat, so I offered to pick him up, drive him there and drop him back off home. Just something really quick, and we could chat while we drive. It went ok, I was very nervous, he said he wasn't too nervous. He is shy so I just kept trying to keep the conversation going. He asked if I was still going to meet up with him later this week. And by the end we were joking around and seeming to get along. When I went to drop him off at his house he made a comment about his place and asked if I wanted to come in to see it. I said no.

    He texted me about 5 minutes later asking me if I had relaxed yet. I couldn't help it and I replied so I'm a pretty big fatty eh? And he replied how he couldn't tell, it was dark in the vehicle. I said you can still tell if someone is big or not!!

    Anyways, I am bad with these things, so it was hard for me to tell how it went, but at least I did it!

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